Trend for younger engagement?

[Engel]

Honestly, I don't. I think some marriages that started in teens do last, of course they do, you said your parents were one of them. My mom's current husband's first marriage started at 19, and they were together for a long, long time.

But I don't think anyone is ready to be married that early. I mean the United States of America doesn't even think 19 year olds are mature enough to handle alcohol. And though I don't necessarily agree with the drinking age in the USA, I do think that everyone is super crazy during that age. You don't know it at the time. But you certainly realize it later. And that's what's so great about being a young adult. You're blissfully ignorant to how ignorant you really are. It's not a bad thing. Just not a good time to get hitched is all

Have to say I agree with you.
I am embaressed of past me. poor girl, had so much to live and learn. and i thought i knew it all and was so grown up! didnt want to get married, but thought i was mature and what not. haha




geez, i got to the age I understand my mother better, and why she wouldnt let me do some things sometimes!
my brain became more motherly like? anyway, i saw many people make mistakes young.

a friend of mine and her boyfriend got pregnant on purporse when they were 19! and were talking about getting married. he left her when the kid was less than 3 months, saying he wasnt ready to be a father AND a husband.

[greensweatergirl]

I haven't seen many young engagements or marriages where I live. I feel as though engagement season is only starting to hit my social group now, with most people I know being between 26 and 28. There's definitely been a steady increase in the number of "engaged!" statuses popping up in my facebook feed in the last year or so. I think Canada has a somewhat higher marriage age then the US though (I'm guessing you're from there, given your username).

And though change is typically something you want to continue, I think that things start settling down a bit once you're out of grad school and start getting settled into your career. I think it's important for both people to know what they want in life for themselves, and be actually working at it (because everyone goes into university "knowing" what they want), before they can start working out what they want in life together. I don't think it's possible before then.

I think the discussion of when somebody is ready to be married is a really interesting one!

I've recently become skeptical of the idea that you have to have all your ducks lined up in a row (education, career, finances) before getting married. To me those are prerequisites of having children, not necessarily marriage. I saw this great program on TV a few months ago with women of all different ages and relationship statuses discussing their views on marriage. And one of the older women who had been married for a long time (I think she was in her mid forties but had been married since 23) said she thought part of the reason her marriage could weather harder times was because her and her husband had learned to reach goals as a young couple, and had essentially created a life together instead of trying to join two already settled lives. She sort of brought up the idea that it may be more difficult to find a partner or have a successful marriage if you're a person who has spent the first 30 years of your life always putting your individual goals (school, reaching a certain point in your career) first, then throwing yourself into marriage, which basically requires you to put group goals first. I thought her perspective was really interesting to hear, since I think the message I've always heard is to make yourself into a person who can function completely independent in every way before you even consider getting engaged.

[floridaellen]

11MikesGirl21 - It's not that I particularly find it bad or horrible - my parents got engaged quite young and they are quite happy. I also grew up old school Catholic so I'll probably get married young as well. It just confused me because all the news reports keep saying everyone is getting married later and later and that doesn't seem to be the case around me! Know what I mean?

Rikyo - I agree with you. Some marriages fail and some don't. Your post brings up a good point: For younger marriages that do fail, is it really the age that makes them fail or is it just lack of capatibility? Would those marriages have failed anyway? It's an interesting way to look at it.

Engel - I would say some people just use marriage as a way to show they are "grown up" like the person you know did with their child. It's sad but true.

Greensweatergirl - I find that point of view to be very interesting. Is it easier to get married without being "set in your ways"? I think it's definitely easier to live with someone if you've never really been on your own before and a big part of the first few years of marriage is learning how to live together, at least according to many people I've talked to.

[dukes2011]

[QUOTE=floridaellen;170944]11MikesGirl21 - It's not that I particularly find it bad or horrible - my parents got engaged quite young and they are quite happy. I also grew up old school Catholic so I'll probably get married young as well. It just confused me because all the news reports keep saying everyone is getting married later and later and that doesn't seem to be the case around me! Know what I mean?

Totally know what you mean about being really confused. I have also heard the trend for getting married later, but many of my friends and acquaintances are engaged at 20/21 or younger. I also come an old school Catholic family and the joke is that I'll be "the old one" of the family when I get married. I'll probably be about 25 which some people may still consider young. Guess it's all relative! This has been a really interesting thread. Thanks for starting it floridaellen!

[Dziubka]

None of my friends that are about my age are engaged or even married. I have a few older friends that are in their late 20ies or early 30ies that got married already, but no one I graduated or study with (no one that I know of anyway).
On a second thought: That's not entirely true. I have friends my age that are engaged/married and one of my closest friend and ex-roommate is actually getting divorced right now, but all of them are East European (Polish, Russian, Ukrainian). So it's due to cultural differences, people in my country definitely don't get engaged or married early.

Greensweatergirl has a good point about when you are "ready" to get married. I agree that finishing education and getting a career aren't necessarily prerequisites to get married for me. You don't have to start popping out babies once you get married. You can sort out your career and get financially stable while already married.
However, my boyfriend and I have to pay for the wedding ourselves and I want the part to be epic, 100% us and a perfect start for our marriage. And we won't be able to afford or have the time to properly plan out everything we want while still in uni, so we have to wait until we're both finished.
I don't however agree with floridaellen that it's easier to live with someone if you've never been on your own before. I used to be very adamant about not moving in with a guy before he hadn't lived on his own for a while. I don't want anyone who thinks I'm going to be his mummy and pick up their dirty socks from the floor. I'm not that strict about that with my boyfriend now, because he's way more tidy than I am and I'm sure he wouldn't expect me to clean up after him, but I'm still rather glad that he'll probably live on his own a while before moving in with me.

Plus I want to be in a relationship a few years before tying the knot. Getting engaged after not even a whole year is pointless in my eyes. After only a few months you simply don't know the other person well enough to be able to decide whether you want to spend your life with them. I don't even believe you can decide about that before you've actually lived together, even if you've been close distance, because there's a lot of things you only find out about someone once you live with them 24/7. In my opinion getting engaged after only having been in a relationship for a relatively short time is a sign of immaturity, regardless of the age of the people involved.

[floridaellen]

[QUOTE=dukes2011;170956]

11MikesGirl21 - It's not that I particularly find it bad or horrible - my parents got engaged quite young and they are quite happy. I also grew up old school Catholic so I'll probably get married young as well. It just confused me because all the news reports keep saying everyone is getting married later and later and that doesn't seem to be the case around me! Know what I mean?

Totally know what you mean about being really confused. I have also heard the trend for getting married later, but many of my friends and acquaintances are engaged at 20/21 or younger. I also come an old school Catholic family and the joke is that I'll be "the old one" of the family when I get married. I'll probably be about 25 which some people may still consider young. Guess it's all relative! This has been a really interesting thread. Thanks for starting it floridaellen!

Of course! It's an interesting topic to me especially now that all of my friends seem to be settling down. I also agree it must be all relative.

I also think that the younger age may be related to the fact that I'm from a rural area (yes, they have those in New Jersey!).

[11MikesGirl21]

11MikesGirl21 - It's not that I particularly find it bad or horrible - my parents got engaged quite young and they are quite happy. I also grew up old school Catholic so I'll probably get married young as well. It just confused me because all the news reports keep saying everyone is getting married later and later and that doesn't seem to be the case around me! Know what I mean?

Oh of course. It's not the case in my social circle either. I've only known people to get married young. I only know of one guy from my church that got married older than 30 simply because he couldn't find someone he could see having a life with. Most of my friends at school, 8 hours away from home, are engaged young too, or they are talking seriously about marriage and are young. They don't necessarily have the religious upbringing I do, that would make it "normal" for them. The areas they're from are either inner city or suburban so, the explanation of rural towns doesn't work for them. They just know what they want. My SO asked me when we had been together for 7 months. We both just know what we want and know we have what we want. We're young but our experiences help us know what we want.

Older people getting married or engaged is just not something I've experienced either, unless it's a remarriage after a divorce.

[floridaellen]

None of my friends that are about my age are engaged or even married. I have a few older friends that are in their late 20ies or early 30ies that got married already, but no one I graduated or study with (no one that I know of anyway).
On a second thought: That's not entirely true. I have friends my age that are engaged/married and one of my closest friend and ex-roommate is actually getting divorced right now, but all of them are East European (Polish, Russian, Ukrainian). So it's due to cultural differences, people in my country definitely don't get engaged or married early.

Greensweatergirl has a good point about when you are "ready" to get married. I agree that finishing education and getting a career aren't necessarily prerequisites to get married for me. You don't have to start popping out babies once you get married. You can sort out your career and get financially stable while already married.
However, my boyfriend and I have to pay for the wedding ourselves and I want the part to be epic, 100% us and a perfect start for our marriage. And we won't be able to afford or have the time to properly plan out everything we want while still in uni, so we have to wait until we're both finished.
I don't however agree with floridaellen that it's easier to live with someone if you've never been on your own before. I used to be very adamant about not moving in with a guy before he hadn't lived on his own for a while. I don't want anyone who thinks I'm going to be his mummy and pick up their dirty socks from the floor. I'm not that strict about that with my boyfriend now, because he's way more tidy than I am and I'm sure he wouldn't expect me to clean up after him, but I'm still rather glad that he'll probably live on his own a while before moving in with me.

Plus I want to be in a relationship a few years before tying the knot. Getting engaged after not even a whole year is pointless in my eyes. After only a few months you simply don't know the other person well enough to be able to decide whether you want to spend your life with them. I don't even believe you can decide about that before you've actually lived together, even if you've been close distance, because there's a lot of things you only find out about someone once you live with them 24/7. In my opinion getting engaged after only having been in a relationship for a relatively short time is a sign of immaturity, regardless of the age of the people involved.

It's not something I personally believe. I'm not sure what I believe on that issue. Plainly stated, I'm kinda a hard person to live with anyway due to some clear neatfreak issues so I don't think either way would make it easier for my future spouse!

---------- Post added at 03:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:43 PM ----------

Oh of course. It's not the case in my social circle either. I've only known people to get married young. I only know of one guy from my church that got married older than 30 simply because he couldn't find someone he could see having a life with. Most of my friends at school, 8 hours away from home, are engaged young too, or they are talking seriously about marriage and are young. They don't necessarily have the religious upbringing I do, that would make it "normal" for them. The areas they're from are either inner city or suburban so, the explanation of rural towns doesn't work for them. They just know what they want. My SO asked me when we had been together for 7 months. We both just know what we want and know we have what we want. We're young but our experiences help us know what we want.

Older people getting married or engaged is just not something I've experienced either, unless it's a remarriage after a divorce.

Interesting point. It was just a suggestion of a possible explanation but now I see it doesn't work. Thanks!

---------- Post added at 03:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:44 PM ----------

Oh of course. It's not the case in my social circle either. I've only known people to get married young. I only know of one guy from my church that got married older than 30 simply because he couldn't find someone he could see having a life with. Most of my friends at school, 8 hours away from home, are engaged young too, or they are talking seriously about marriage and are young. They don't necessarily have the religious upbringing I do, that would make it "normal" for them. The areas they're from are either inner city or suburban so, the explanation of rural towns doesn't work for them. They just know what they want. My SO asked me when we had been together for 7 months. We both just know what we want and know we have what we want. We're young but our experiences help us know what we want.

Older people getting married or engaged is just not something I've experienced either, unless it's a remarriage after a divorce.

Interesting point. It was just a suggestion of a possible explanation but now I see it doesn't work. Thanks!

[Engel]

None of my friends that are about my age are engaged or even married. I have a few older friends that are in their late 20ies or early 30ies that got married already, but no one I graduated or study with (no one that I know of anyway)

now you mentioned that, 2 girls i graduated with from high school got married. both because they were pregnant at age 20.

i am not sure but ive heard one of them divorced already. no matter the age, you should get married if you are ready. never just because of a child.

[lucybelle]

I haven't read through all the posts, but I also think that people who are more religious are more likely to get married earlier. I, personally, believe that it's because they don't believe in sex before marriage and they really want to get it on. I mean who doesn't at 20??!!

Well maybe not necessarily earlier, but definitely move quicker. Most religious couples I know met and married within a year.

[floridaellen]

now you mentioned that, 2 girls i graduated with from high school got married. both because they were pregnant at age 20.

i am not sure but ive heard one of them divorced already. no matter the age, you should get married if you are ready. never just because of a child.

I agree. A child isn't a reason to get married. But people do it because it's more socially acceptable you know?

---------- Post added at 10:16 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:15 AM ----------

I haven't read through all the posts, but I also think that people who are more religious are more likely to get married earlier. I, personally, believe that it's because they don't believe in sex before marriage and they really want to get it on. I mean who doesn't at 20??!!

Well maybe not necessarily earlier, but definitely move quicker. Most religious couples I know met and married within a year.

Oh definitely. Have you ever seen the MTV show Engaged and Underage? The first episode is two 21 year olds who didn't do anything but kiss before they were married. It was interesting.

[Zephii]

I don't see a trend for younger marriage in my IRL friends. Most of them seem to be getting married around 24-27 or even later. Most people I know are most interested in establishing their carers and being financially stable first. Which, if I'm really honest, strikes me as a bit odd.. It's almost like society's youth are getting less mature (I'm looking at the trend of staying home with the parents longer and the "world owes me a living" attitude I see too). I don't think there's anything wrong with getting married when you're 18-21. I'm glad I didn't though!

[garnet]

My friends are just now starting to get married. Some of them. We're in our early 30s. I was the only one to get married young (3 months into my 18th year), and it lasted 11 years. I was totally ready, 100%, and just because we didn't make it doesn't mean I think it was a mistake.

Anyway, in my area I definitely do see the trend of older first time marriages.