Getting married for residency.

[Zephii]

There are lots of us here that are in international romances... and it seems the common thing to just get married to make moving to the other person's country easier.

So I'm wondering, how many people here are doing that?

Because honestly that makes me sad. I WILL NOT marry Obi for the sake of passing over some red tape, even though marriage is the easiest course - especially once I'm 35 and no longer eledgeable for a WHP visa. (And I know I'm lucky to have this option at all because many countries don't).
I feel that if I did marry Obi for this conveinience it would cheapen the experience, and the meaning behind being married. I don't want to marry because I feel I have to, you know?

Yet, I know already I want to spend the rest of my life with Obi, so I'm not sure why I have an issue with marrying sooner than we otherwise may have wanted... (No, we havn't spoken about it at all and he has no intention of proposing any time soon which I'm thankful for. I just think too much.)

Anyway, what are your thoughts and opinions on this?

[Tanja]

We're dealing with the same problem... it would be the easiest and fastest way to help Andy get permanent residency in Finland but neither of us wants to do that! I wanna marry him (God I SO wanna marry him, lol!) but it wouldn't be for the right reason. It wouldn't feel the same as getting married only because you love each other and want to.

We're kinda hoping some sort of miracle would happen and he'd get a job here so we wouldn't have to tie the knot just yet (our original plan was to have a big bowl in my house and save money in it for a couple of years, it would be our Wedding Fund) because it just doesn't feel right. If he asked me to marry him now though I would do it straight away. But it would be because we want to.

I also know I couldn't afford to have the beautiful wedding I've always wanted if we had to do it right now. It would be done in a small office with just a handful of people, so far away from the kind of wedding we want. We try not to think about it and just keep saying that we will get married but it'll be on our own terms and when the time is right.

[Hollybear1212]

I've talked to my boyfriend about it and I really don't have a problem with it. Marriage shouldn't change anything in our relationship but bring me closer to him. I've lived with him as much as I can on tourist visa and I love love it. Its heaven being close to him. If the government says we have to marry to be closer together, so be it.

Just don't marry if your not sure about it or have doubts.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

I understand what you're saying. I wouldn't want to marry him to make moving easier. The SO plan on getting married, but he'll be out of the military and back home (just 2 hours from my hometown) and we'll plan it all out and what not once he's home. Good luck.

[lunamea]

Having done this, I see it a little differently, mostly because I don't see marriage as a "sacred bond" or anything. Religion doesn't come into play for me at all (my hb and I are both not religious.) Honestly, for me, there's not a big difference between being married or "just" living together. True, getting married is a beautiful thing, because you officially declare your willingness to stay together, but let's stay real, it doesn't really change your feelings for the other person whether you're married or not. I've seen people who've just lived together for years and were happier and more committed to the relationship than a lot of married couples (my parents among the latter.) The example of my parents clearly has shaped my views on this. For me, love is love and if the couple is committed and wants to stay together, that is the right reason to get married. Many of you say that your SOs are "the one" for you and that you want to get married to them but you don't because you feel it would be for the wrong reasons. You love them, they love you, you are sure they don't just want the visa, you want to be together - for me, that's all the right reasons.

[Zephii]

You have a really good point, but I don't know it seems different somehow. Maybe because religion does come into play for me? Your examples are good though, I've known couples like that too.
I'm somewhat leery of marriage though, I was taught that basically marriage is how they (men) stop you running away. Then they can beat you, rape you, cheat on you, and you're so tied up with them that it makes it so much harder to get out. I know a little better now though...

[lunamea]

You have a really good point, but I don't know it seems different somehow. Maybe because religion does come into play for me?

Yeah, that makes a whole lot of difference then, of course.

I'm somewhat leery of marriage though, I was taught that basically marriage is how they (men) stop you running away. Then they can beat you, rape you, cheat on you, and you're so tied up with them that it makes it so much harder to get out. I know a little better now though...

Yeah, my parents used to tell me "never get married!" ever since I was a kid!! They quarrelled every day and my mom used to say that everything changed after she got married to my dad. They'd been together for 6 years when they got married, but she said after the wedding, everything went downhill. He just didn't make any effort anymore, because, as you say, she kinda couldn't escape anymore. Sure, that was the 80s and the increasing divorce rate shows that women don't see it like that anymore, but I do think there's still this idea that once you're married, you're "trapped", you've sold out and now things can only get worse.

[MadMolly]

I think very little of marriage, I don't see the point so to speak besides legal reasons, but marrying someone for residency seems like a pretty legitimate legal reason to me! If i loved someone I'd marry them to give them residency. I mean, if it doesn't work out...you just get a divorce. Do it very low key and call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend until you want to have a wedding in a few years, and then use that to be your main ceremony if you want to get married and stuff. Sure if you end up splitting up, divorce may a tedious expensive process but so is being in different countries trying to be together.

[ioanna]

i agree with Lunamea and Molly on this one... it all depends on the couple, but to me (us) commitment is commitment, same as being married, so it wouldn't be any different to me... the way i see it, its not about knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and someday get married to them; its actually doing so day after day, weather CD or 7000 miles away...
you both love eachother enough to uproot your lives for eachother, and are making something HUGE work... its not like you are casually dating... if you do get married, like Lunamea said, it would be because you love eachother and want to be together... its not like youre taking an easy way out of your LC/CD process...
*huggs*

[Scanny]

I have every intention of marrying Sank and can't wait to do it, however, there are a few things I'm not really willing to compromise on with my wedding, so, we're going to have him come here first since we have to save up a lot to afford moving there anyways. (I'll have to cover my son's medical expenses for one year before qualifying for private insurance and his expenses are huge). He should have no problem being able to move here once he gets his education. If we have to get married to move our family to Australia once we can afford it, we will, but we will be doing it because we love each other and want to be married. We'll do it up as inexpensive, but nice as possible. So a bit of a compromise between big beautiful wedding and courthouse quickie. So I'm not sure what my answer is really. I want to rush to be married because I can't wait to be his wife, but I want a decent wedding and a chance to party it up with family and friends, so we'll wait till we can afford at least that. We'll be saving up for the move at the same time, so one doesn't really conflict with the other. It's money making us wait, not my inability to compromise...and it's love that's rushing us, not immigration.

[folclor]

haha, I will get to Canada of my own accord. ^^;; I know that, provided Alex and I continue and feel we're good for each other, he will propose, but it will be 2-5 years down the road and I don't want to rush him. Heck, I may even decide to go for my citizenship before he proposes. And I understand the delay. The last time he proposed to someone did not end well, therefore I don't mind waiting. Yes, we've technically been a couple for a year but I know that he and I probably won't count that. (well, he won't, I will) Likely, provided this visit goes well (and I think it will) we will start counting from either May 29th or whatever night in between that and June 6th that we decide we're going to be serious. And, while I'll be a little annoyed with the fact that I will have to wait a few years before any permanent commitment is made toward me, I don't mind. Besides, it's better to decide where you want to live and be able to stand on your own there instead of relying on a completely different person just so you can survive in the place you want to be. What happens if the marriage is postponed or the engagement is called off? That wouldn't be fun. So I'll wait and accomplish my own goals in the meantime. ^^

[kissoflife61]

Whether religious or not... Or international or not...
I think marriage shouldn't be rushed.

[Riyko]

My guy and I have actually talked about it so he can get a visa for the US and seeing how he's from Chile he'd have to get permanent residency in Canada before we could get married and I could get a visa for canada so we've decided to wait until we want to get married.

[ettie]

Same problem here! we hate it.....

[meicamaciek]

My Hubby and I are getting married soon.He is a Canadian and I am a Filipina. The only reason we have for getting married is to be together and live life in each others arms.