He finally proposed, but its not the best timing

[hpechnyo]

My fiancee finally proposed to me, but I feel like it may be really bad timing for us. After he proposed we discussed what we wanted to set the date to. He wants to get married this coming March but I know that we can't get married then because I can't change my dependency status until after I complete basics, but he wants to make sure we are married before his first deployment. When I told him no on March he got a little mad at me and now I questioning what to do. I love him enough to mess up my chances with the Navy but I also feel like I shouldn't feel obligated to give up my chances just because he wants to get married in March. Does anyone have any advice on how I should handle this situation because I am starting to feel really overwhelmed.

[lucybelle]

I think he should be respectful of your choice to put your career first. I mean if the two of you get married and you don't have a job...? Is he going to be able to support you? And why the rush to be married before he's deployed?

[rsvpnj]

I agree with Lucybelle. I can understand why he would want to get married before he deploys. However, he should be respectful of what you want as well.

I guess the best advice that I can give you is to look at your decisions this way... the way I always try to.

Imagine yourself as an 80 year old... think about when you look back at your life. Will you regret having ruined your chances with the Navy or will you regret not having married him sooner? This will help you gain perspective on the situation.

I truly hope this helps! This method of thinking has helped me to make many difficult decisions.

[Haley53]

I think he should be respectful of your choice to put your career first. I mean if the two of you get married and you don't have a job...? Is he going to be able to support you? And why the rush to be married before he's deployed?

This. You need to live for you first, your relationship second. If it's better for YOU to wait so that you can be 100% positive you won't screw up your chances, then assert that to him. I'm not sure why he's rushing to get married before he's deployed (not sure what the process is), but the thing is that he should not be pressuring you to make the sacrifices you would have to, i.e. risking your chances with the Navy. I think you both need to sit down and talk about it like adults. If you don't want to get married in March/feel it's bad timing, tell him and don't let him push you into it. You and your career need to come first, unless a compromise can be made that you're both happy with.

[elizabethjp2010]

I agree with everyone here.

[Bethypoo]

I agree with Lucybelle. I can understand why he would want to get married before he deploys. However, he should be respectful of what you want as well.
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I agree with them both. I get it, but at the same time, it is both of your decision. It is you wedding to and it needs to be what is best for you as well. It doesn't mean that you don't want to marry him. It just means that you need to do what is best for you first. Maybe he was just thrown off that you didn't want to go with his first choice. But keep talking.

[Lilly9886]

I agree with everyone. Also you are very young and you shouldn't rush anything now! What speaks against a long engagement?
If he wants to get married this march, there is barely enough time to prepare a wedding.. that's how I would see it.
I guess you only want to marry once, and shouldn't it be your dream-wedding?

[littlethinktank]

I agree with the other girls and will just be blunt and say what I think: Having grown up in a town with a lot of military personnel around I have seen quite a few couples who got married/engaged before a deployment yet that was NO guarantee for future success in their marriage/ relationship. You're very young and as flattering as it is that your boyfriend wants to tie the knot with you before he leaves I think he should take your future into consideration and allow you to pursue your dreams and goals in life as well as he does. For me it has always been very important to built a solid foundation for an independent life for myself so that's all I can advice you to really. Good luck with that decision and in basic training

[hpechnyo]

Thanks to everyone for the advice. It has really helped. I know that I am young and well so is he, but I think that just makes me more cautious. I am a very believer that marriage is for a life time so I will only get married once. In regards to not really having time to plan a wedding, I am not concerned by that because I really don't want anything big. I'd be happy with a court wedding. I am definitely going to have a long talk with him about it whenever I hear from him next. You guys are right, I can't give up my dream of being a sailor just because it wouldn't work with his time line.

[Nurse]

I can't give up my dream of being a sailor just because it wouldn't work with his time line.

Being in love doesn't mean you give up yourself, nor your hopes and dreams. I believe that you are making the right decision and the best decision for yourself.

[redheadvulcan]

My advice is a little cliché but write down the pro's and con's of getting married on the day you want to and then on the day he wants to. Is it really worth it to cut it short?