So my fiance and I are planning to marry in a private, simple ceremony shortly after he arrives in the US. I've never wanted a big, fancy wedding, and neither has he. We are going to include my parents, sisters, and a few very close friends, so a total of maybe 7 or 8 people. My family knows through facebook and general talk at family gatherings that we're engaged and they've watched on the sidelines through photos on facebook us spending time together in Russia. I've gotten some comments like, "can't wait for the wedding," etc. from people who aren't going to be at the private ceremony.
I'm a HUGE introvert and so is my fiance. I do care about my extended family, but there are a LOT of them. I'm so shy at family gatherings I rarely speak out, and mostly just talk to a few aunts, uncles, and cousins who I have a closer relationship with when I do have some conversations. On top of adjusting and assimilating to a new culture, my fiance is also very shy. I don't exactly care to put him in a position of being thrusted into this huge, social situation. I think for our personalities, budget, and social needs, having the simple, civil ceremony with a small amount of close people is what we're comfortable with.
My parents and I were visiting recently and they asked me if he and I had discussed what we want for our wedding, and they confided that they originally wanted to go to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee and elope, then have their honeymoon down there, but one of my aunts found out about their plans and leaked it, and my grandma found out and insisted they get married with the whole family. Thing is, the size of my maternal AND paternal family has increased exponentially since 23 years ago when my mom and stepdad got married. They still got their honeymoon in the mountains.
The point of me sharing this is that my mom made the point that it's so hard to plan a mid-size wedding with just the family members you're closest with, because the ones who aren't invited will find a reason to be offended. It's either a big wedding or a private wedding with the two sides of my family, it seems. Since I never wanted a big wedding because I hate stress and I don't even like to wear dresses and stuff (kinda "tomboyish" you could say), me and my fiance are opting for the private ceremony.
My parents did mention the possibility of having something like a big picnic (like renting a shelterhouse in the park and doing some grilled food, kind of a reception type thing) in the early Summer and inviting all the family, but I'm not even sure I want that. It's again one of those things where if you don't invite everyone, someone is going to be all offended. Also, I don't feel like I need it. A lot of my extended family doesn't even keep in touch with me on a regular basis, anyway. Some of them don't even talk to me or ask me how I'm doing at the big, family gatherings. So why should I feed and entertain those people? My fiance tells me that if I want something like this, he supports it, but if I don't want it, he supports it too.
So I don't want to have a reception. I just don't want to bother with it. I kind of feel like it would be nice just to do a "tour of visits" to visit the family members I'm close with so they can meet and visit with my fiance and I. But I really don't want the stress of planning a big thing with all of the extended family members, when only a small fraction of them actually make any effort to keep in touch with me anyway. So I just want our little, private ceremony, and then I was thinking of doing something like sending out some pretty cards to family and friends announcing our marriage. Something like, "This is to announce that (Name) and (Name) will be married in a private ceremony on (date), and we wanted to share the good news with our family and friends! If you would like to plan a visit with us in the near future, please get in touch with us at (contact info).
Do you guys think little announcement cards like this would be a nice idea? I think it's a nice way of handling letting the family know what's going on, and extend an "invitation" of sorts to visit with us at a time that is convenient for everyone.
I'm a HUGE introvert and so is my fiance. I do care about my extended family, but there are a LOT of them. I'm so shy at family gatherings I rarely speak out, and mostly just talk to a few aunts, uncles, and cousins who I have a closer relationship with when I do have some conversations. On top of adjusting and assimilating to a new culture, my fiance is also very shy. I don't exactly care to put him in a position of being thrusted into this huge, social situation. I think for our personalities, budget, and social needs, having the simple, civil ceremony with a small amount of close people is what we're comfortable with.
My parents and I were visiting recently and they asked me if he and I had discussed what we want for our wedding, and they confided that they originally wanted to go to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee and elope, then have their honeymoon down there, but one of my aunts found out about their plans and leaked it, and my grandma found out and insisted they get married with the whole family. Thing is, the size of my maternal AND paternal family has increased exponentially since 23 years ago when my mom and stepdad got married. They still got their honeymoon in the mountains.
The point of me sharing this is that my mom made the point that it's so hard to plan a mid-size wedding with just the family members you're closest with, because the ones who aren't invited will find a reason to be offended. It's either a big wedding or a private wedding with the two sides of my family, it seems. Since I never wanted a big wedding because I hate stress and I don't even like to wear dresses and stuff (kinda "tomboyish" you could say), me and my fiance are opting for the private ceremony.My parents did mention the possibility of having something like a big picnic (like renting a shelterhouse in the park and doing some grilled food, kind of a reception type thing) in the early Summer and inviting all the family, but I'm not even sure I want that. It's again one of those things where if you don't invite everyone, someone is going to be all offended. Also, I don't feel like I need it. A lot of my extended family doesn't even keep in touch with me on a regular basis, anyway. Some of them don't even talk to me or ask me how I'm doing at the big, family gatherings. So why should I feed and entertain those people? My fiance tells me that if I want something like this, he supports it, but if I don't want it, he supports it too.
So I don't want to have a reception. I just don't want to bother with it. I kind of feel like it would be nice just to do a "tour of visits" to visit the family members I'm close with so they can meet and visit with my fiance and I. But I really don't want the stress of planning a big thing with all of the extended family members, when only a small fraction of them actually make any effort to keep in touch with me anyway. So I just want our little, private ceremony, and then I was thinking of doing something like sending out some pretty cards to family and friends announcing our marriage. Something like, "This is to announce that (Name) and (Name) will be married in a private ceremony on (date), and we wanted to share the good news with our family and friends! If you would like to plan a visit with us in the near future, please get in touch with us at (contact info).
Do you guys think little announcement cards like this would be a nice idea? I think it's a nice way of handling letting the family know what's going on, and extend an "invitation" of sorts to visit with us at a time that is convenient for everyone.
This is the conclusion I've come to myself anyway. 
(sorry for the run-on question...couldn't think of a better way to formulate it)
I guess at this point in time I'd be inclined to make a compromise: a private ceremony followed by an all-inclusive reception. While I'd rather not be in the spotlight when the priest says "I now pronounce you husband and wife", I wouldn't like to cut everyone out of the picture for the entire event. That said, I may change my mind completely by the time I'm actually engaged, so I can't say anything for certain!
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