Question about weddings/marriage.

[lyonsgirl]

So, my friend and I have very different views. He's more excited for his wedding day. I'm more excited for my marriage. He firmly believes that a wedding is all about the bride. I firmly believe that a wedding is about the couple, about celebrating their love and their new life together. Not just about the bride. Apparently his SO has been planning her dream wedding since she was little, so he has accepted that whatever she wants, she's going to get. I honestly almost feel bad for him, because he's just going to let her walk all over him when planning their wedding. I guess most guys don't help plan? I don't know, I'm not engaged (neither is my friend), so I don't really know what "most" guys think. What do you think? Guys, are you going to help plan (or did you help) your wedding? Do you want to be involved in the process, or are you going to leave it all up to her? Girls, do you want your man to help? What do you think?

[snow_girl]

I think my SO will want to help more then I'll want him to. I have an idea of what I want but he is super picky and I can see there being a lot of disagreements over details. I wouldn't want him to not help at all, but I don't want him to be a groomzilla either. Its still a long way off so guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

[Haley53]

I'm not sure what "tradition" says, but both my partner and I have expressed a want to plan the wedding together. I have heard that the wedding day is all about the bride, but I tend to feel more like you do, that it's about the couple, similar to how I don't get the retaliation of March 14th. I don't see the need for a "steak and blowjobs" day/an "all about the man" day when to me, Valentine's Day is as much about your partner and your relationship as it is about you. I suppose it depends on what people choose to place the value on. But even my SO has told me that if we got engaged and married, he would want to be a part of the planning process. It's a day for both of us, not only me, and I think that we should both be able to share in it.

[Xanahtas]

I feel sorry for him tbh. My SO is helping me plan the wedding and we're agreeing on everything before we make it official, he has always wanted to help. I do have the 'dream wedding' idea but the day isnt just about what i want, its about what he wants too. It's about us. So its not fair if i did it all and made him fit in. We're looking into things and coming to agreements on things that we both want. Thats how i feel it should be done and its a nice time to actually do it together
And im equally excited about the wedding and the marriage!

---------- Post added at 05:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:11 PM ----------

I feel sorry for him tbh. My SO is helping me plan the wedding and we're agreeing on everything before we make it official, he has always wanted to help. I do have the 'dream wedding' idea but the day isnt just about what i want, its about what he wants too. It's about us. So its not fair if i did it all and made him fit in. We're looking into things and coming to agreements on things that we both want. Thats how i feel it should be done and its a nice time to actually do it together
And im equally excited about the wedding and the marriage!

[Dziubka]

I guess some guys just don't care too much. If they don't have an opinion on things and their bride is ok with doing all the planning and decisions on her own, then I don't see a problem with it. It's not "walking over him" if he doesn't really care enough to have an opinion in the first place.
It might not be the same scale of importance, but for example I could care less about what car we get (IF we ever get one, that is) and I'd let my boyfriend decide about that within reasonable financial and environmental ranges. My ex didn't care so much about travelling, so I decided about our holiday destinations by myself.

My boyfriend and I are planning our wedding together. I think I have somewhat stronger opinions on things whereas he would probably go for whatever is tradition in his country, but we discuss that together.

[lyonsgirl]

I guess some guys just don't care too much. If they don't have an opinion on things and their bride is ok with doing all the planning and decisions on her own, then I don't see a problem with it. It's not "walking over him" if he doesn't really care enough to have an opinion in the first place.

I agree with you. I think I worded that part wrong, but I guess the way he said it... Well, he said, "If she wants bright purple, we're going to have bright purple." And previously he told me that if she wants him to wear a pink tuxedo, he would. So, I dunno. I'm glad there are others who want their SOs to be part of the planning process (if they want to, that is. haha!) I talked to my SO and he said I will probably care more about some things than he will(like the colors), but he still wants to help make decisions. There is one thing, though, that he's not going to have any say on, and he's okay with it. (My dress.) I told him that he can pick out what he wants to wear. I might make him a tie that "goes with" my dress, but if he wants to wear a tux, he can. If he would rather wear a suit, that's okay too.

[11MikesGirl21]

My SO and I are "unofficially engaged", basically meaning, we're engaged we just have no formally annouced it yet to friends and family. A couple of my closest friends know, but that's because I'm a girl and can't keep my mouth shut. It's unofficial because we don't want to be engaged forever because that'll just invite people in to meddle, which they already do. It's obvious to everyone we know that we intend to get married and we (I mostly, because I'm the one away at school) get slack for it because of the distance. "A wife should be with her husband" is a comment I hear secondhand a lot.

ANYWAY, we have talked about it. I want his opinion when we do get serious about planning. I look online for ideas all the time and I'll run them by him every now and then, but his opinion is very guy like. He's asked me to stop planning so seriously until 1) I'm home (for good more or less) and 2) when it's closer to actually happening. He has his opinions and maybe a couple ideas too. But I don't think they'll be coming out into discussion any time soon. Hopefully, I won't be pulling teeth when the time comes.

[lonelyinlove]

To be frank, im not really looking forward to planning a wedding when the time comes. If he wants to help, more privilege to him!

[SDPersona]

A few months back, when we were just starting out, he got a invitation letter to a wedding of friends that we both know. It got us started about talking about weddings in general and in regard to us. He indicated it would be my job to plan it, which surprised me. I always thought guys would like to be involved primarily because my step dad was very involved in weddings plannings with my mom. I've asked him if he'd like to have a part in it and his answer is a simple shrug, which made me a litte upset. If we're ever getting married and it looks like we're going into that direction, I want him to be part of the planning. I'm sharing the same perspective about the wedding being all about the respective couple and not only about the girl. That simply wouldn't feel right to me.

[lucybelle]

This is the most we've talked about our potential wedding: no dress code, short ceremony (if any), big party, good food, good band, lots of booze, must be as good or better than the awesome wedding we went to in New Orleans last year.

I have a feeling that my SO will offer his opinion, but I'll be doing the planning. I'm always the one who plans trips, activities, and such, so I think a wedding would follow suit.

[Michivf04]

Well I'm currently engaged and I'm just like the girl you mentioned. Ive been dreaming of this not since i was little but for some years now i have pictured how i want everything to be like. My fiancee strongly believes that the wedding is all about me. Its not that i want to control the wedding but as for him he doesn't care much about how the wedding turns out, he cares for what will happen after wedding ( we will be married and be closing distance!!) He will help me out with things here and there for planning the wedding but he wants to make my dreams come true because in his mind he doesn't care how the wedding turns out as long as it has a happy medium and we don't go over our budget he doesn't care. He def has strong opinion when it comes to being a church wedding & where we will celebrate our honeymoon.Plus he's more of care free non planner type a person and i love to plan and be organized. So we compliment each other in this type of situation. Remember couples have different MO and people are different and have different ways of thinking =)

[ChibiFelicia]

My SO believes the wedding is about me. I believe its about the both of us. With the planning we've been discussing it together. We've discussed what things we want (rather what i want - he is laid back and not that he doesnt care but just wants me to have my dream wedding).

[Zephii]

In people's attitudes, it's about the bride. And I think of it this way - generally the woman is the self-sacrificing one. She's the one who loses her name, and then spends the rest of her life looking after that man and his spawn. Guys don't put the same effort into or the same emphasis on relationships as women do.

When we got married, I did the bulk of the planning, I came up with almost every idea. But, I ran it all by Obi for his aproval. The creative stuff was up to me. He did a lot of the dealing-with-people part, like ordering chairs, working with the reception people etc. He was a big help (after I cracked the shits out of stress anyway).

I do feel sorry for guys who don't get a say at all though, I think it's wrong, but I understand it too.

[lyonsgirl]

I just wanted to see what other people thought, since he thinks I'm crazy for being less excited about my wedding day. I completely understand that some girls have been planning their wedding day for a long time, but I'm not one of them. I have a hundred ideas (my pinterest board shows that...) but that's the thing. They're all ideas. My SO and I have been bouncing ideas off of each other (well, okay, I throw ideas out there and he says yes or no) for a while. We haven't settled on anything-but we're not engaged yet.

@11MikesGirl21 We're pretty much in the same boat. We're not unofficially engaged, though. We're pre-engaged. We've been there for a while, but we've known from the beginning that this is a relationship is different from any previous ones. So now we're just waiting until we can afford to get engaged and have a wedding.

[blankita719]

My SO is more focused on the future marriage rather than the wedding part of things. If it were up to him, we'd go to a Justice of the Peace with no one there and just do it one day without fanfare. I think once we get on to actual wedding planning (you know, after he finally asks!), it will be a lot like Zephii - me planning the details and touches and him dealing with people. I definitely want his opinions as I wouldn't want to do anything he would hate to do.