Question to everyone who's ever been married

[CaptainKaz]

Thanks again everyone. After bringing the subject up with my SO to get his opinion, he now wants to discuss the possibility of having a "proper" wedding. Sudddenly, everything has been turned on its head. If we do a big wedding, it's going to alter the timeline we'd planned. I'm going to try and stick to my guns, but we'll just have to see what happens. I feel a bit like I kicked the wasp's nest on this one, when I should have left well alone. Curse my tendency to overthink everything. Ultimately, as long as we're married, I guess it doesn't matter.

...although it totally does.

[garnet]

I eloped in Vegas, just the 2of us, no regrets.

[Hollandia]

Thanks again everyone. After bringing the subject up with my SO to get his opinion, he now wants to discuss the possibility of having a "proper" wedding. Sudddenly, everything has been turned on its head. If we do a big wedding, it's going to alter the timeline we'd planned. I'm going to try and stick to my guns, but we'll just have to see what happens. I feel a bit like I kicked the wasp's nest on this one, when I should have left well alone. Curse my tendency to overthink everything. Ultimately, as long as we're married, I guess it doesn't matter.

...although it totally does.

Either way, it is just one day.
You will have the rest of your lives together after that one day.

[London-FortCollins]

I have what might be a unique-ish viewpoint on this:

Me and my xSO (LDR) were engaged. We planned the wedding. It was to be in the USA. Which meant 90% of my friends and 50% of my already small family (including my Nan) would not have been there.

As it was we didn't get married and my biggest relief is that when I do get married now I will make sure everyone on my side will be able to come. (Well, you know what I mean) I know my biggest regret would have been my Nan not seeing me get married, not dancing with my friends, not hugging my loved ones as they tell me congratulations, and not having full family photos.

I know what you mean about it being stressful, but think about what is important to you, and what you could potentially wish you had in the future and see if you can incorporate it in. If its cake - go get a cake! If its having loved ones there, see if there's a way you could maybe get 2 or 3 people from each side there.

If the most important thing is marrying your SO and screw the rest - then awesome, because you're all set, and no-one should make you feel guilty about wanting what you want.

[SquishyLove]

Well, I've decided I personally don't want to have kids - for health reasons, among others - but honestly, it's just not something that would bother me. Which is why I was surprised that anyone thought the idea was selfish.

The problem with a destination wedding is, there's no convenient 'middle ground' for my SO and me. Flying anywhere would mean everyone would have to pay for expensive flights. I just don't want to burden my family with that, who aren't as well off as his.

I definitely do not expect gifts and would never ask for them. I just want everyone to be happy for us.

HOORAY, another LFAD poster going Child-free! Rock on! Sorry, I had to express my appreciation for this since we're such a maligned group. Sorry to be off-topic, but I wanted to give a shout out to a CF sister! Even if I think hypothetically about what I'd want any hypothetical offspring of mine to do, I don't think it would bother me either if I had a kid who wanted to elope. I've never been bothered by it when others do it, either. I figure it's their marriage, their business. I honestly don't get why so many people get so butthurt and gooshy about it. I'm equal parts softy and cynic, though, and I guess the things I choose to be sentimental about are different from the things others are...

We didn't elope, per se, since we included my parents, siblings, and a few of my closest friends. But we had a super small, simple wedding and didn't plan to have any sort of party or reception for more people. We did it mostly to be frugal, but also because we're both shy and don't like being the center of attention. When we first got engaged in 2011, we were still deciding where to live. We knew that in either country we wanted parents and close friends, but not a big, pricey wedding which would run us into huge debt. He's also an immigrant, so his dad wasn't able to attend. His dad is in his 60's and isn't up for such a long flight (told us that himself - so next time we'll see him is our next visit to Russia). Not having a big wedding was awesome, and I regret nothing! If any of my extended family was butthurt from our choice, nobody let me know about it. I think our whole wedding (rings, my dress, the venue, the restaurant after, cake, and our hotel for the night of) was around $1,200.00 USD, with the rings taking up about half of the expense. His dad took care of the rings and my parents took care of the wedding, very generously and kindly for us. We received a few gifts, but we didn't ask for any or have a registry or anything. All in all, it was awesome and I think you guys should do what's best for you.

[CaptainKaz]

Thanks again everyone for your responses.

Unfortunately, I was right in thinking I've gone and opened up Pandora's box on this. After bringing it up with my SO, it's caused non-stop bickering. We've pretty much kissed and made up now, after both coming to the obvious realisation that it's a ridiculous thing to argue about, but we still haven't reached a consensus. I really don't know what to do.