Why do people get married?

[Goyangi]

I don't mean to ask this in a accusatory way at all! Maybe it's reflection of my age and somewhat idealistic personality, but I am completely enamored with the idea of "finding that special someone", making that "ultimate commitment", and starting a life with him, for the better or for the worse.

But on the flip-side, especially nowadays it seems, there is more and more, "oh, it's just a piece of paper" and "well 50% of all marriages end in divorce so what's the point" blah blah blah.

I suppose I'm just interested in hearing other's perspectives.
Why do people get married?
Why do you want to be married?
Or, why did you get married?

[Bluejay Belle]

My parents got married because it was the tradition in both their families/backgrounds/religions to do so when with a partner for a period of time, and in order to begin a family and whatnot...and because they were moving all over the country and it was easier to do so as a 'unit.'

I want to get married in order to unionize with my partner. The "piece of paper" bit is less important to me than sticking together, obviously, but I'm sure I will legally marry as well.

In my opinion some people are right for each other, but not indefinitely. The divorce rate doesn't scare me - I think it can be better to end a marriage than wait it out, sometimes.

[lucybelle]

For the visa. I think we would have married eventually, but mostly for the visa. We love each other and of course we are committed to each other, but we also want to live in the USA so we have to be married.

[nicole]

For the visa. I think we would have married eventually, but mostly for the visa. We love each other and of course we are committed to each other, but we also want to live in the USA so we have to be married.

Same. I know we would have married eventually anyway, but we got married earlier than expected so we could live in the same country as the other. It's very difficult to immigrate to the US without being married. We wanted to be a family, and simply moving with no paperwork involved was not an option for us.

[digitalfever]

Visa. I love my boyfriend. I'm committed to him BUT I'm not really into marriage. I think if we were both British or both Canadian we'd simple just live in sin.

[LadyDaemon]

Well I can say that I've gone both ways on this issue. In the beginning I was like "Oh yeah I wanna get married and live happily ever after". But then as I started seeing everyone around me getting divorced and treating each other so poorly simply because they thought they could because of that "piece of paper",I decided for a while that I wouldn't get married because it wasn't worth it to go through all of that. Now,since I've found someone that I truly feel I belong with and that means more to me then life itself,among other things,I want to "tie" myself to him. I don't really care about the papers as much as I care about what it symbolizes if that makes sense. But,I will say that most likely I will follow the "One and done" thing. If our marriage just so happens not to work out after we've exhausted every avenue to keep it together because of whatever,then I would leave,but I would probably never marry again afterwards. But *crosses fingers* hopefully I won't have to face that.

[lyonsgirl]

To keep it short... We are getting married because we want to make the commitment. To us, it is not just a piece of paper. We are both Christians, and we believe that marriage is a religious thing - not a government thing (that's a different thread, though, I think).

[dragonlady]

for love.. making the comitment toghether (that i would need it now for visa is a different story)
you make a promise to each other and do the legal part because law and most people don't accept you'r word to each other..

[Captivated]

For the visa. I think we would have married eventually, but mostly for the visa. We love each other and of course we are committed to each other, but we also want to live in the USA so we have to be married.

Yep. Same here. Actually I don't know that we would have gotten married had we not needed to. I would've been perfectly happy cohabitating with him for the duration of our relationship.

[kittyo9]

Tax benefits. Visas. To mark him as mine forever. :P

[Lovebee]

Call me old-fashioned, but I want his last name, I want his children, and I don't believe in having children outside marriage. Also, I love him, and I think that the marriage ceremony (religious, even though I'm not overly so) adds something more serious to your relationship. You promise to love each other, no matter what, in front of everybody you love. I think that's important.

[Jess!]

Nice thread! I am actually interested in this topic and I have some ideas I would like to share...

I am a feminist and this changes how I see marriage. I am also a ("left") libertarian. I love my partner very much and I want to be with him for ever. There is a part of me who thinks marriage would be somewhat logic, the other is in conflit with this idea. Here is what I've been thinking:

- Marriage is overall opressive for women. It may not be in every case, but how marriage started in history indicates this routes. Well, note just an example that women get their partners last name and think why is that. It seems women are/were! some kind of property...

- Relationships de facto don't have the same society status as marriage. With this I mean: in legal, medical, school papers, being 'partenered' does not mean anything, I mean, equals to being single, even if you and your partner have stated your interest in being together for the rest of your lives. I think maybe you guys relate to this, since some of you need to be married to easily have the visa. I don't really think this is fair, and there was an article that pointed out something I never really thought about. One girl wrote on how other people around here tended to value more her friends marriages than her relationship, that 'was lasting' way longer than the majority of marriages. But she was not married, so she didn't get to receive gifts or congratulations by others.

- Why do you need the state (Im not even mentioning church) to approve your love? I am very critical about the state, but I think that even if I wasn't, why would a piece of paper affect so much? But I also think that the symbolic meaning of marriage actually contributes to a patriarchal family, which can be contradictory.

- I think people of the same gender should have the opportunity to get married, even if I am not sure if I would want that myself.

- In my native language I find the words "wife" and "husband" so boring. This is not an argument But sometimes I think if I would like to get married. I think I don't want to, but to some extent you are taught all this stuff about marriage at a young age, and it get's hard to deconstruct your thoughts. Answering the question: "why would I like to get married" would help me solve this conflit, but I don't have an answer now. I can't actually get to a conclusion because I was told that when 2 people love each other they get married. We get this info everyday.

I wish there was any other way of reassuring your love to the whole world, without it being marriage! I want to be with my partner for ever. And I want to do some "party" to celebrate our love and tell the world we are together for life, because we love each other so deeply much. But getting/being maried does not guarantees you stay with your SO for ever, and I believe society (us) still have to work on this topic: it is very anachronistic to me that marriage is still such an institution on XXI century...

It has also now occured to me to think about the symbolic objects of weddings. The white dress and so on... Some people don't actually know what 'tradition' are they following. But it is not my business.

Just to be clear now: I just wanted to share my thoughts on this instead of creating a new thread. Is there anyone with this kind of opinion too?
I don't judge (and who I am to do that!) your options in life. These are my personal views for my personal life. And I would sincerely be happy for you if/when you get married! (if, of course, that was your option and what made you happy!)

[blankita719]

I want to marry my SO because marriage to me is a commitment. I was in a long term relationship where we never got married, and while I'm grateful that we never made it down that aisle together, it felt too easy to walk away from it all because we weren't married. I am committed to my SO and want the legal acknowledgement of that commitment. I want doctors and hospitals to listen to me when I have to make a decision for him because if we weren't married, they could go over my head and ask his other family members, who may or may not know what he wants. I want to be full partners in life together and while it may be "just" a piece of paper, it means something to me.

[Jess!]

I want to marry my SO because marriage to me is a commitment. I was in a long term relationship where we never got married, and while I'm grateful that we never made it down that aisle together, it felt too easy to walk away from it all because we weren't married. I am committed to my SO and want the legal acknowledgement of that commitment. I want doctors and hospitals to listen to me when I have to make a decision for him because if we weren't married, they could go over my head and ask his other family members, who may or may not know what he wants. I want to be full partners in life together and while it may be "just" a piece of paper, it means something to me.

I wish being partnered had the same importance (because then it feels I would only get married so that the state could approave our commitment, not because I would wanted it...)

[Zephii]

Man I wrote a reply and the computer ate it. Grr.

Originally marriage was to have babies. I was ready to spawn, but he refused to sire bastards. He wanted to be married, I would have 'lived in sin' forever.

Before we got married though I did a lot of research about what marriage means, the history of marriage, what each individual ritual inside the ceremony is for... the legal stuff, the cultural stuff, the religious aspects, the social aspects. The pros and cons. I wanted to know what I was getting into and why. I asked him "Why do you want to marry me?"

You promise to love each other, no matter what, in front of everybody you love. I think that's important.

I agree with this. I was in a past relationship where that person was ashamed of our relationship (as is rightly so, seeming I was a child and he wasn't, but I didn't understand that then.) so it meant a lot to me that Obi wanted the world to see us as a unit.

Our countries don't require us to be married for the visa, though I'm sure it helps them see we're in "a genuine long-term commitment".

In the end, I married for religious reasons. I wanted to be handfasted because I believe that will hold us together when one of us precedes the other into death so that we can be reincarnated at the same time and stand a better chance of finding each other again. I married him because one life time is not long enough. I married because I wanted us to be a family rather than just a partnership.

Now that we are married, people treat us differently. There's a level of respect. And I know that one day in our darkest moment being bound together in marriage may just give us that extra strength to try one more time where unmarried we may have walked away. (It's not as easy to get a divorce in Aus as it seems to be in the USA)