Elopement, Yay or Nay?

[Dziubka]

I think it's totally fine to elope, if that's what you want.

I don't think that you owe it to your family to have a party or big wedding. Or that people have a right to be disappointed or sad, because you're not having a party. I really don't understand that mindset. It's your event and your decision how to celebrate it. Does anyone ever get upset because someone's not celebrating their birthday?!
You are joining two families in a way, but you're also creating your own family and you should be able to do that any way you want.


Btw: In Germany you don't need to have witnesses at all.

[lucybelle]

Btw: In Germany you don't need to have witnesses at all.

Don't need them in Colorado either. Or a judge. Or a lawyer. Or a minister. Or really anything. My SO likes to joke- "the only thing you need to get married in Colorado is balls"

[lyonsgirl]

Don't you need two witnesess to make it legal? I don't know about other countries but two had to sign my marriage license. I think most places that offer elopement and destination weddings come with people willing to play that role for you. It might however; be interesting to grab two strangers and ask them to share your moment.

I don't think we have to have witnesses sign our paper. Just us and our pastor. However, I'm not 100% sure on this and the paper we sign is with him, so. If you're really curious I'll let you know after we get back from the honeymoon.

ETA: My point being that it may vary by state on the witness requirements.

[mllebamako]

I'm definitely a fan of elopements Like everyone else has said, if it's what you want...go for it!

We had initially started planning a big wedding and, even in the initial stages, planning was super stressful. And for me, it felt like I wanted to put more focus on our marriage/relationship than this wedding that was turning into something different than what I wanted because we had to accommodate everyone.

In the end, our elopement was perfect for us. We had 2 witnesses plus our daughter. It was really private and special. We made promises to each other and I was really glad that it was something we could do alone.

My family was understanding because of how far away we are and because they respected that it's how we wanted it. His family took a little convincing...huge weddings are a big part of his culture. But after we explained our reasons, they ended up being really supportive.

Last thing! I really love your Ireland tree idea! So romantic!

[LadyDaemon]

I agree with everyone else. I used to think that getting married in a courthouse or eloping (don't know if you would consider these being the same) or any other way other then a big wedding made it cheap and not as meaningful. But now I believe the opposite. This mostly changed for me after trying to arrange mine and my fiances wedding. I kept going back and forth with it,but then circumstances with both of our families changed and with recent events we've decided to just make it the two of us in a courthouse. We'll have a small party or bbq later. I agree with mllebamako about your idea of doing it under a tree in Ireland.

[Hollandia]

I don't think we have to have witnesses sign our paper. Just us and our pastor. However, I'm not 100% sure on this and the paper we sign is with him, so. If you're really curious I'll let you know after we get back from the honeymoon.

ETA: My point being that it may vary by state on the witness requirements.

Ah, okay that makes sense. I did the deed in Delaware.

[Zapookie]

Should I ever lose my mind and decide to marry again, I would really, really prefer to elope. I'm all for a trip to Las Vegas; no fuss, no muss, then lots of fantastic things to do to celebrate. Yep, my family wouldn't like it, but they'll get over it.

We were thinking of getting hitched when we visited Vegas but I knew my mother would probably resent me forever if we did. It was tempting though.

[Xanahtas]

My SO and I discussed it before we married. We finally decided on just 30 guests at a venue. As great as that day was, and as much as i loved it all, if i had the time again i would elope. The run up with family and the fuss we got from some people was too much. Plus family not getting on and wanting certain things did my head it. I'm all for eloping!

[Kanga]

Let's see my SO and I have talked about this. He doesn't want a big wedding, I don't want one either. I'd rather save for a house quite frankly. We both agreed to probably go to vegas and just get married. Lots of fun out there and plenty to do afterwards. If we can't do that just heading to the courthouse and call it a day.

[Ahava]

I've done the wedding thing (aprox 70 guests) and it was stressful and didn't really enjoy that much plus it was with the wrong man.
Now I would be all for eloping!

[ioanna]

WOW! thank you all for the great responses. I loved reading about your thoughts and experiences, thank you for sharing

LB, you hit the jackpot! I would personally be unable to spend so much money (that i don't have yet, or that took me so long to earn) on a huge event. I know there's also ways to have a great and fun frugal gathering, so that's not the main reason for it; but this is one more thing that makes me cringe.

Blankita, your dream is beautiful! I truly hope you'll realize it soon!!

What is important to me, that I am so excited for, is being able to profess my undying love and promising ourselves to one another. I want it to be about our love rather than anything else.

miss_jaclynrae, you took the words right out of my mouth! Niagara falls sounds like an amazing place to to just that!

lyonsgirl, Just a couple more weeks!! So excited for you!!!
We'll definitely be having a party / reception / picnic once we're back to celebrate, no escaping that.


Moon and Zapookie, Vegas has been an option ever since my SO moved here. Each time he mentions it, my mom tells him to give him 2 days to get there...

TwoThree, same here; elopements are connected to a lot of shame, drama and premarital pregnancies Thankfully our close circle of family and friends are not in that mindset (or else we would have been shunned along time ago seeing how long we've been together!)
On the families aspect, I'm more talking about direct family, the sets of parents and siblings. While the most important part of Marriage is the union of two people to form a new family, it also encompasses the union of both sets, especially when they are so close to you.

Rach, JP had a huge smile on his face when i told him this! We do need witnesses after-all... Come to think about it though, Ireland and France are so close, maybe we could do one trip and two weddings and honeymoons?? <---- hint hint

My youngest uncle on my mum's side decided to get married in secret and announce it in the papers on April fools day... Not even my grandparents knew

Alsfia, such a fun idea!! we might borrow it if i can wait till March/ April to get married

[Rach321]

Ooh. Very good thinking Io!!!