She told me she's gonna propose

[ChrissyAl]

So my girlfriend told me a month ago that she's going to propose to me, and that she's been planning it for the last 6 months.

Now the thing is we have never actually met, and that's alright, but she won't let me know when she's coming here and any of the details in general. It really feels like it's just something she's saying because she's not letting me in on the details. I mean, I'm stupid for thinking so much about it because I'm not even supposed to know as much as I do, but
1; I'm curious.
2; My mom keeps bugging me about when she's coming because she says she needs to know.

I mean, if she's not coming before in a couple of years, that's cool. I'll probably have my own place by then. But if she's coming within the next 1-2 years we're going to depend on my parents' house to have her stay (Hotel is not an option as she's planning to stay for a month).

In addition I just feel so haogighioqehgio she's so sweet. She keeps being cute all the time and our conversations are both cute and weird all the time! Haha, I'm sorry, I just feel so gushy right now!

Her
But I will go I need to sleep before I pass out and before my brother kills me, I'll talk to you asap my love, Hopefully tomorrow evening once my room is sorted out and my family are done being weird with me I love you soooo much my beautiful angel, I'm still going to spoil you when I get down there though <3 <3 <3
Me
Thank you so much <3 and sleep tight, sweetie <3 I'll talk to you tomorrow
And I'm gonna prevent you from doing that, babygirl <3 plus it's UP to Norway we're north of you, you know I love you so much nighty<3
Her
Fine up to norway but I'll be going down on you hehehe I love you soooooooooooooooooo much Night night beautiful <3

I love this girl so much, you guys have no idea

[Dziubka]

I'm genuinly curious (and I'm not trying to be offensive): Why haven't you met? And why is it so difficult (couple of years?) to meet?
England and Norway are not very far and there's probably more than one budget airline that flies between England and Norway?
Alternatively you could meet somewhere else in Europe at least for a weekend? If you find somewhere that you both can fly to pretty cheap and stay at a hostel, it isn't going to cost that much.

[Tooki]

I am curious as to why you two have not yet met either. Norwegian Airlines is pretty cheap to fly with (even out of Stockholm) and there are other airlines as Dziubka said.

Could your SO not visit for less than a week at first to see how things are, then you could comfortably transition to longer visits?

[ChrissyAl]

I'm genuinly curious (and I'm not trying to be offensive): Why haven't you met? And why is it so difficult (couple of years?) to meet?
England and Norway are not very far and there's probably more than one budget airline that flies between England and Norway?
Alternatively you could meet somewhere else in Europe at least for a weekend? If you find somewhere that you both can fly to pretty cheap and stay at a hostel, it isn't going to cost that much.

I am curious as to why you two have not yet met either. Norwegian Airlines is pretty cheap to fly with (even out of Stockholm) and there are other airlines as Dziubka said.

Could your SO not visit for less than a week at first to see how things are, then you could comfortably transition to longer visits?

None offense taken, Dziubka. And for both of you;

Her financial situation is difficult, really. She's working 4 jobs to save up money, but she also has a best friend that she's known since they were kids, whose financial situation is even worse. My girlfriend, sympathetic as she is; feels she's obliged to help her out with her economics.

In addition to that, my girlfriend was in hospital for 6 months from August to February (2012-2013) and just recently got back from a surgery she had that originally lasted for 3 weeks, but she had to stay another 3 weeks after that again for other reasons.

I'm also saving up to go to England. My mom is a bit against that, though, because I take from my money to put into (her own words) "a box that's never gonna be used". Plus my mom would feel lots safer if Katie were to come here before I went abroad to see her. So far I have saved up about 1/3 out of what an average trip to England would cost me. Having no job, though, it really is hard to be saving up for it.

I hope that answered your questions, and if there's anything else, just ask!

[Tooki]

How close is your SO to this girl? How much money is your girlfriend giving to this girl?

I find it fishy that this mutual friend is so involved in your relationship. You could always financially assist in Katie visiting you.

[ChrissyAl]

How close is your SO to this girl? How much money is your girlfriend giving to this girl?

I find it fishy that this mutual friend is so involved in your relationship. You could always financially assist in Katie visiting you.

My SO is her best friend, but they used to be dating about 5 years ago. They've both assured me that it's completely over and that they're only best friends. The mutual friend has no friends except my girlfriend.

I have indirectly helped my SO financially by transferring money to our friend's bank once. She won't let me have her own bank info, though.
My mom has also offered to help out with getting her here financially, but Katie kindly rejected.

[Tooki]

That is incredibly dodgy and I would highly recommend that you get a straight answer out of your girlfriend.

There is a possibility that they are still intimately involved, but there is definitely something else happening behind the scenes. If Katie was really committed to your relationship and she had nothing to hide, she would be trying her hardest to meet you. She would also not hide her own bank details, yet allow you to receive her friends details.

[princessmaria]

I agree that this sounds dodgy. I don't want to sound like a negative nancy, but I find it incredibly strange that she is willing to put so much money and effort into her best friend, but she isn't doing the same in order to see you. It seems like she's hiding something from you. What that could be, I have absolutely no clue, but something isn't adding up here. Also, I don't think your first visit with each other should be a surprise visit. Her lack of giving you any details does make it seem like she's bluffing with you, because unless she was in contact with someone you know (your mother clearly doesn't even know the details) then how would she surprise you in the first place without showing up at your door like a crazy person?

[Dziubka]

Maybe I'm a horrible, selfish bitch, but if my SO gave that much money to someone else, that it would prevent us meeting - he wouldn't be my SO for much longer.

I mean how much is visiting realistically going to cost you to visit or even meet up somewhere else for a weekend? I'd guess it was possible for under 200€. In both England and Norway it should be possible to raise that amount of money in a time shorter than a few years...

[lucybelle]

I agree with everyone else. Something is sketchy here. It's okay to be friends with exes and to help them out, but to give them so much money that she's now unable to visit you? That's weird. I also find it strange that she won't give you her bank info. All you can do with an account number is deposit money. There's really not much of a security issue. And plane tickets must be cheap. I can't imagine it taking so long to save up 100euro each, then buy one plane ticket for one of you to fly to see the other.

Anyways. I think you guys need to have a serious talk about money spending and put some real priority on meeting. Proposal really needs to wait.

[Hollandia]

I had an internet only affair once before, we did talk on the phone too but never met. He told me all sorts of loving affectionate and very sexual things all the time. He also told me he wanted a life with me and would always talk about us meeting. The funny thing is he always had a reason that he could not come, meet in the middle or let me come. It was his work, or his family and then finally some illness. I saw the red flags and traced his phone number, it was a google phone number. He was using his computer to make the calls but had told me that it was his phone. I asked him for his real phone number and you guessed it, it got stolen. I told him we had to meet or say goodbye and suddenly this loving sweet affectionate man became a total jerk. He told me he never wanted to meet me and just like that, never spoke to me again.

I found out some months later by him posting on the board we met on that he had been married the whole time. I met my SO online and so I have no problems with it but I am a firm believer in meeting the person and for me more than a few times before it gets sexual. It is far too easy for someone to cheat online. It happens all the time.

I am with the others, I would buy a ticket and jump a plane myself and go meet her. ASAP.

[ChrissyAl]

I had an internet only affair once before, we did talk on the phone too but never met. He told me all sorts of loving affectionate and very sexual things all the time. He also told me he wanted a life with me and would always talk about us meeting. The funny thing is he always had a reason that he could not come, meet in the middle or let me come. It was his work, or his family and then finally some illness. I saw the red flags and traced his phone number, it was a google phone number. He was using his computer to make the calls but had told me that it was his phone. I asked him for his real phone number and you guessed it, it got stolen. I told him we had to meet or say goodbye and suddenly this loving sweet affectionate man became a total jerk. He told me he never wanted to meet me and just like that, never spoke to me again.

I found out some months later by him posting on the board we met on that he had been married the whole time. I met my SO online and so I have no problems with it but I am a firm believer in meeting the person and for me more than a few times before it gets sexual. It is far too easy for someone to cheat online. It happens all the time.

I am with the others, I would buy a ticket and jump a plane myself and go meet her. ASAP.

I've been thinking of the answers you guys gave me, and I took a look at airplane tickets to go down there and see her for spring break. They're all under £200, which is good. Now if I do order my mom is not going to be happy as she doesn't want me abroad to meet her for the first time.

I'm going to have to get a job ASAP though, if it's going to happen (I've been applying but no one has expressed interest yet) and get money for the rest of the things needed.

Thank you for giving me your points of view. I appreciate it.. It feels terrible to have to be critical about my own relationship but I guess it's necessary.

[wayoutofhere]

It seems dodgy to me as well. Do you videochat with her on Skype as well?

[mellif]

I have to agree with everyone else's concerns.... Best of luck to you!

[sarahjane1992]

I agree with everyone also. Getting engaged to someone who you haven't met in person and who won't/can't give you a date of when they are coming? Sounds fishy to me.
Best of luck!