Big wedding Vs. Intimate wedding ????

[Zephii]

We didn't decide between a big wedding and a small one.. we just had the wedding we wanted to have. And I think that's my advice - have the wedding you want to have. (I don't really agree with the "every girl wants a big wedding" thing. But then, I'm more interested in planning births than a wedding!)

You can still have all your DIY etc for a smaller wedding. We had nearly 40 people. I wanted a formal event, so it was formal, and we paid extra for a fancy sit-down dinner. I made the centrepieces, "bouquets" (they weren't flowers) etc, he made the cake. We saved money on the parts that didn't matter to us (no flowers, I bought my dress online from china for $200, shoes from payless for $20 etc) so that we could have the things that did matter to us.

At the end of the day there are a lot more useful things to do with your money than have a wedding, but life is about experiences more than about owning stuff (imo, obviously). If a wedding is an experience you want to have, then invest in it. If it isn't, don't.

[Malaga]

(I don't really agree with the "every girl wants a big wedding" thing. But then, I'm more interested in planning births than a wedding!)

Yup! I wouldn't like a big event even if I could have it for free. I just don't feel comfortable being in a spotlight like that. And all the fuss before, during and after is incredibly off-putting. In September I'm going to a wedding with 250 guests, which is pretty common where I live. Jesus. It's stressful enough as a guest, I really wouldn't want to be in the bride's shoes.

[BraveTangledPrincess]

Thank you all for your comments and opinions. I know I have TONS of time, so I will be focusing on what my SO and I want.

With my church, we can't do a ring ceremony at the temple, but we CAN have it at a church meeting house. There is no time frame on it, but I was thinking one weekend going up there, do the sealing and have an intimate dinner with his friends and family, then come this way and prep during the week, then have the ring ceremony the Friday/Saturday after the sealing. Its either free or like $100 to rent it out. I have had the experience of planning a wedding for myself before, and using the church's cultural hall doesn't really excite me. Though, I have free access to tables, chairs, the kitchen/prep room, and all sorts of other things. It's just difficult to decorate. Though, as I'm typing this, I think this is the way we will probably go.

I definitely don't have 20k to spend on a wedding. The cheapest venue I have found (Including catering and a few decorations) is about $5,000. In the realm of weddings, that's cheap. To me that's still crazy expensive.

Most of the people I listed that I know have previously offered their services either at an extremely discounted rate or for free. I will still offer to pay them and at least tip them. Thank you for the idea of the contracts, I would have never thought of that. I'l probably bring my own music too. I found a really cute idea for food on pinterest: a cereal bar! There's always the option of just having lots of deserts and a cupcake bar, or seeing who around me would be willing (including myself) to bring in something.

I think there would probably only end up being about 150 people invited, at the most. It won't be big, but not super intimate.

[floridaellen]

I think your plan sounds great!

My wedding (which is less than two months away!) is not too big but not too small. We invited about 95 guests. We're having a big Catholic ceremony with the reception at a local community hall (a clubhouse at my parents' lake). Most of our vendors are our friends, which has been saving us a lot of money. I bought my dress at a consignment shop. Most of our decorations are DIY. My parents are paying for most of it but we still don't have an extremely large budget - about $6k, which for a New Jersey wedding is a little challenging. My SO and I just wanted a fun wedding with a lot of dancing and excellent food!

[nottheprincesspeach]

My SO and I went to his friend's wedding. He thought the wedding was super tiny and can imagine having a wedding with 500 people. The wedding was very small, and still bigger than I want...this could get interesting for us. I want a small intimate experience so that it can be more focused on us and less focused on everyone else.

[lucybelle]

Yup! I wouldn't like a big event even if I could have it for free. I just don't feel comfortable being in a spotlight like that. And all the fuss before, during and after is incredibly off-putting. In September I'm going to a wedding with 250 guests, which is pretty common where I live. Jesus. It's stressful enough as a guest, I really wouldn't want to be in the bride's shoes.

Evidently the wedding I'm going to in India later this year will have around 2000 people! Yes, two-thousand!

[nicole]

Evidently the wedding I'm going to in India later this year will have around 2000 people! Yes, two-thousand!

I don't think I even know 250 people well enough to invite to a wedding, let alone 2000!! That sounds totally insane!

[Trethsparr]

Evidently the wedding I'm going to in India later this year will have around 2000 people! Yes, two-thousand!

Eeek! No thanks. (At least on the planning end -- sounds like it will be quite an interesting event to attend.)

[BraveTangledPrincess]

Evidently the wedding I'm going to in India later this year will have around 2000 people! Yes, two-thousand!

Holy smokes. Yeah, I don't even think I know 2,000 people! That's bonkers.

[jana89]

I have always dreamed of big wedding and it seems that my dreams might come true. I mean, my SO´s family is really big, with three brothers(and their families) and two stepbrothers(and their families) My family is not so big, but I have quite some friends that I really want to have on my wedding. We aren´t any near to getting married, but as we are both commited to the relationship, we talk about this stuff time to time. At the end of the day, the point is to be surrounded by people you love and who will support you, the rest is not so important. But that is just my opinion.

[BraveTangledPrincess]

For those who did the smaller events, what did you do? Throw a party, have a dinner?

[Riyko]

BraveTangledPrincess: Have him talk to his bishop about covering the costs for the wedding. My brother (non mormon at the time) married my sister in law (mormon) and the church she attended paid for the whole wedding with the condition that they got married in the church she was a member of. That's always an option to ask as they usually are very willing to cover the costs of the wedding if you meet their conditions. I don't know if it's different here in Utah, compared to other states, but I also know that they (the church) paid for transportation to Salt Lake for them to get sealed in the temple once my brother converted.

Good luck!

[RedWhirlwind]

Thank you all for your comments and opinions. I know I have TONS of time, so I will be focusing on what my SO and I want.

With my church, we can't do a ring ceremony at the temple, but we CAN have it at a church meeting house. There is no time frame on it, but I was thinking one weekend going up there, do the sealing and have an intimate dinner with his friends and family, then come this way and prep during the week, then have the ring ceremony the Friday/Saturday after the sealing. Its either free or like $100 to rent it out. I have had the experience of planning a wedding for myself before, and using the church's cultural hall doesn't really excite me. Though, I have free access to tables, chairs, the kitchen/prep room, and all sorts of other things. It's just difficult to decorate. Though, as I'm typing this, I think this is the way we will probably go.

I definitely don't have 20k to spend on a wedding. The cheapest venue I have found (Including catering and a few decorations) is about $5,000. In the realm of weddings, that's cheap. To me that's still crazy expensive.

Most of the people I listed that I know have previously offered their services either at an extremely discounted rate or for free. I will still offer to pay them and at least tip them. Thank you for the idea of the contracts, I would have never thought of that. I'l probably bring my own music too. I found a really cute idea for food on pinterest: a cereal bar! There's always the option of just having lots of deserts and a cupcake bar, or seeing who around me would be willing (including myself) to bring in something.

I think there would probably only end up being about 150 people invited, at the most. It won't be big, but not super intimate.

You might look into what my fiance & I chose to do. We're having our ceremony in a public park for $60. We set our guest limit at 30 people (including us) because that was the max private party limit the restaurant we decided to have out dinner at could handle without having to pay extra per person. We're looking at dinner for 30 people for to come out to just over 1K including taxes & gratutity. Then we're going to a bar up the street with karaoke to hang out and relax afterwards. That's it. We've got parents, siblings, grandparents, an uncle of his who helped raise him and some close friends. His mom offered to buy my bouquet & my mom is buying cupcakes from an awesome bakery for our 'cake'. I already had a white cocktail dress I'd never worn and we bought him a new suit, but that's about it. Less than 3K for everything - dinner, hotel/rental car, airfare, cake, dress, suit, flowers, marriage license, etc.

[Miasmata]

Personally, I've never been into the idea of a big wedding. I'm just not one for big formalities and traditions, and all the money a big wedding would cost really puts me off too. The only "big" thing I would want is having at least most of my close friends there, since my family is incredibly small by this point and I want the people who helped me on my path to be there, which definitely extends past my immediate family members. My friends are basically family to me.

I know plenty of people who I can count on to help out, like a photographer and a baker. Considering that I have experience organizing events as a volunteer, I thankfully know how to improvise and compromise on things.

It's still far, FAR away for me to even seriously consider a wedding, but hey, it's nice to think about sometimes. I definitely appreciated reading the posts in here

[whatruckus]

If me and my SO get married, we'll probably have at least 100 people. My dad's side is very close to each other and they'd all have to be invited. My mom's side, not so much, but we'd still extend the invites. My SO has A LOT of friends. Military and Civilian, so we'd have to accommodate them. I have a few close friends that I would want there. He's got some family he'd invite, but probably not all of them. So, I'm going to say we'll probably have like a medium sized wedding. About 100 - 250 (that's probably stretching it) people. Plus, my dad has a lot of friends that I know he'd want to invite because I've known them since I was little.

It's sad, but I don't think I'd have a lot of bridesmaids. Probably like 3 at the most (maybe more, I'm not sure), while he'd have like 5+ groomsmen. Lol. If we decide to have any. My brother didn't, they just had flower girls and ring bearers which turned out to be her/our nieces and nephews and it was cute.

I wouldn't mind that size wedding though. I'd always wanted it to be in a nice banquet hall. My brother did that, and almost all the weddings I've been to were like that, and they were all lovely. I went to a small wedding a couple years ago for my Ex's cousin and I loved their wedding too. It was fun.