How do people feel about a woman proposing to a man?

[differentcountries]

I wonder if people's attatchment to proposals may be something in that it is the hallmark of someone doing something special. Because we definetely all want that. I sure liked to hear, even shortly after we met, that my boyfriend pictured himself growing old with me, I mean that was totally unexpected and I shall always treasure it.

It is just I always pictured proposals as very old fashioned, and even in the old days it is was not neccessarily the actual proposal (who was equally directed to the parents of the girl) that was the so special, but the story behind it. My grandfather had a special story; he fell in love with a photo of girl exposed by a photographer in their city and he tracked her down, befriended her relatives and waited for her when she came back from abroad! I guess she liked him back... And then he had to work several years in another part of the country to save up enough money for the wedding/married life. That is true dedication (and whatever his faults were, he always loved her. he fell apart when she died).I never heard any story about the proposal.

[dglynn77]

I wonder if people's attatchment to proposals may be something in that it is the hallmark of someone doing something special. Because we definetely all want that. I sure liked to hear, even shortly after we met, that my boyfriend pictured himself growing old with me, I mean that was totally unexpected and I shall always treasure it.

It is just I always pictured proposals as very old fashioned, and even in the old days it is was not neccessarily the actual proposal (who was equally directed to the parents of the girl) that was the so special, but the story behind it. My grandfather had a special story; he fell in love with a photo of girl exposed by a photographer in their city and he tracked her down, befriended her relatives and waited for her when she came back from abroad! I guess she liked him back... And then he had to work several years in another part of the country to save up enough money for the wedding/married life. That is true dedication (and whatever his faults were, he always loved her. he fell apart when she died).I never heard any story about the proposal.

Could be a cultural thing which is why you aren't as familiar with it?

[dragonlady]

i tend to propose to my bf in about 2 months, not really sure why just think it would be fun to do it the other way around, we have both agreed on marriage and for sentimental value we both want that there be a proposal, dont know how i am going to do it yet think i take the ring with me (i am a hobby goldsmith so i got him a ring lol) and when i think it's the right time do it, and maybe i set something up but it will be private atleast dont like the big show of thingy

[Dziubka]

I would feel pretty down if he never proposed. To me, a proposal is just about making a sweet memory. The only part of the proposal I want is to hear him say, in undoubtable seriousness, that I'm the only one for him. As much effort as there is in an LDR (or really any relationship), I think it tends to get muted a little when it's just an everyday show of affection. Marriage/co-habitation is a huge step, and I think a special memory to bookmark it is important. It doesn't really matter who is doing the proposing.

It's a bit like graduation ceremonies. You know you've graduated. Logically, there's no reason to walk up a stage to receive a blank paper with a bow on it, but it's also a nice way to mark a turning point. A proposal should never literally be asking someone to marry you. You should ideally both know far in advance.. It's just a sweet thing to look back on.

This, except for the graduation ceremony, I don't see the point and didn't even go to mine.

I think it's basically a fancy and very unique once in a lifetime way to tell your SO that you love them and want to spend your life with them (and give them a nice present!). The proposal isn't the moment to actually make the decision if you want to get married.
I wanted my SO to propose, even though like lucybelle, we already had a date set in the city hall and I had my outfit complete with hat and heels. I wouldn't have blown off the wedding if he hadn't proposed, but I would have been kind of disappointed that he let pass such a good occasion to do something sweet that he knew would make me happy.
My parents just decided to get married (because my mum was [planned] pregnant a second time and when they had their first child [me] she got asked a lot of really offensive questions because she wasn't married and she didn't want to go through that humiliation again) and when my mum recently got married a second time, they also simply decided to do it, because it made sense financially.

I think I would leave the proposing to the person who had previously had more reservations about getting married. In our case that was my SO, but if I had been the one with reservations I would actually have liked to propose to use that occasion to show him that I was convinced now. I don't know if that made sense.

[leonsfangirl]

I asked my husband to marry me. Didnt plan it out or anything, wasnt 100% sure hed say yes as we hadnt met in person but i just felt it was right.
Im fine with either proposing

[squeeker]

I think it's fine if either proposes. Though I know in my relationship, my boyfriend wants to officially propose to me so I'm going to let him.. we both like some of the traditional ways a bit. Some things no, but like other's said, having an official proposal is a nice memory to have. We have both talked about getting married already so we know what we want, but it's just about getting ourselves in a position with enough resources (financial and otherwise) to be able to live together after we get married really. I think having an official proposal also helps make the moment official. Though I don't think it matters who proposes.. just like you shouldn't stress about the wedding details.. because the important part is getting to be united with your partner and making it official and everything. And in international LDRs, it can be the helping step to closing the distance more permanently eventually.

But again to answer the question, I think it's okay if the man or woman proposes. Though I think that it would just take a lot more courage for the woman, though it all depends on their dynamics as a couple I think and different ways work for different people!

[Zephii]

Why would my boyfriend propose to me out of nowhere, hoping I would say yes.

This is exactly how we did it. How my SO wanted to do it. We never discussed getting engaged or married. I figured he'd ask one day, eventually, and thought privately about if I'd want to say yes or not.

To the original question, the only boggle I have with a woman proposing is that of my heterosexual friends, by and large it's the woman that pushes the relationship forward, and mine was no different. I initiated our "define the relationship" talk. I flew for the first meet (and invited myself). I decided that we should move in together and when - he said he wasn't ready, I pushed him to his limit anyway - I decided how long we'd wait before having kids etc so it was very important for our relationship and for my piece of mind that when we took that very important step it was him initiating. It was his idea alone. His planning. He wanted this relationship, this marriage, he wanted me equally to what I wanted him. And he was ready.
If I had proposed I would always wonder if he'd actually wanted to. If I was forcing him in some way.

And of my mates, that would be true too. I have so many girlfriends who nag and pressure their guys to pop the question and I find it sad and disgusting. If they felt that it would be ok for them to take that step... I can't see it working as well. The established tradition isn't a bad one as far as it goes.

At the same time I think it's very progressive when a woman proposes and in some cases it's totally appropriate to the people involved. I'm not really comfortable with the idea of just agreeing to marry... it gets the job done which is cool, but there's no story there. I like a good story. A good memory. And, there's no ritual there. I think rituals and rites of passage are a huge thing, somehow involved in our wellbeing, our human psyche (I'm an uneducated checkout chick though, so this is just a feeling thing, not a study thing).

[lyonsgirl]

If a girlfriend of mine told me she proposed to her boyfriend, my honest first reaction probably wouldn't be "congratulations", it would probably be "wait, he didn't ask you??"

Just being honest.

[differentcountries]

I don't neccesarily see agreeing to get married is without a story. For some, having children or getting pregnant is the story and the marriage is like the culmination of that. For some, the relationship only really start with the marriage and the proposal is more like means to that end. For us it is like he wanted proof that I mean business with our relationship, because he wanted to spend his life with me, so what I said was, I can't marry you but I will find the closest thing. It is not exactly a proposal from either side and no ritual to speak of, but it sure is a wish, a promise and our story.

[lucybelle]

I see that a lot of people say it is important that their is a proposal. And I really want to understand, because I don´t see a value in a proposal. Will some of you who think it is important that their is a proposal, try to explain what value it holds?

I think it's simply a nice gesture. I didn't need a proposal, just like I didn't need a ring, or a wedding, or a lot of things. But I love my ring, every time I look at it I think about the proposal. How sweet it was. I think about how nice my SO was to try to come up with something special for me.

So is there an importance to a proposal? Suppose not. If there is one I would say it's of an emotional importance. I wanted one, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. We have tons of lovely memories together, and a proposal is one of them.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I think it's fine for a woman to propose to a man, I had a friend who proposed to her now husband actually. She knew they both wanted to marry each other in a couple years and felt they were both ready for that step. The reason she asked instead of him was because that's how their relationship was. She was the one who started talking to him and asked him on a date for example. She didn't propose with a ring and they did go and get her an engagement ring after, it just worked for them.

Now personally, I would not have proposed to my SO or any man because I feel that men are usually less ready than a woman is to get engaged at a certain point. I would have been afraid that my SO wasn't 100% ready if I asked and that he would say yes because he does want to marry me...someday. I know that a woman could be in the same position but I think the man would be more likely to know that in advance than a woman unless it was totally obvious. I wanted my SO to be comfortable with everything and if that meant waiting, so be it.

In either case, I would hope neither party is 100% surprised, as in marriage has never been discussed seriously. My SO and I had discussed marriage multiple times and many of the things that go with it. I didn't know the exact date he was going to propose but I wasn't in the dark either.

[piratemama]

I agree with the general consensus that it is okay for a woman to propose. I probably wouldn't do it, either, but there is nothing wrong with it. It is really smart to discuss all the aspects of marriage beforehand, so no one is really surprised when the proposal comes about.

My SO and I have talked about it, and we will have a unique set of circumstances. Because I want to marry with only the two of us and witnesses, I don't really want a proposal. It would be better for us to "decide" to get married and go do it. However, we will have really talked it out anyway. I do not want a bunch of people at our wedding. I did that before, and I want no previous memories from another marriage, his or mine, crowding in on our moment. I want it all different. I have thought about a beach wedding, though. There is a hotel around that does all the planning for that, and they would provide the witnesses even. Of course, we'd have to know we were getting married to do it that way, but I don't think there will be an official proposal. If it is, it would be immediately before the ceremony! That would be different, wouldn't it?

There is no reason why a person can't have a proposal, and there is no reason why the woman can't do the proposing. Hopefully, our SOs will know what we want and need.

I love the thread! It's interesting to see the views of others.

[Yaaamiii]

I didn't vote because I didnt agree with either option. I don't care who proposes, although personal preference- I prefer it if the man proposes.

OOPS!! D: Sorry guys, it's too early here and I'm kinda not thinking at the moment. I picked no, that the guy has to be the one to propose, but only because that is my personal preference. I don't care if the woman proposes or the man does! Shoulda chosen yes.

Either way, I prefer the guy proposing, and I even told my SO that the day he decided to propose, if he didn't get down on one knee I was saying no

[Chlo]

I still think it should be the men proposing to women. Not saying that its wrong in anyway for a woman to propose to a man, but I've always seen it the other way, and like it better that way.
I guess it depends on how much you care about proposals to begin with (if its important to you), your beliefs and how traditional you are.

[emsimes]

And of my mates, that would be true too. I have so many girlfriends who nag and pressure their guys to pop the question and I find it sad and disgusting. If they felt that it would be ok for them to take that step... I can't see it working as well. The established tradition isn't a bad one as far as it goes.

I'm a little late to the party here, but I total agree with you on this. I know a guy who recently got married, and he told me that his now-wife gave him an ultimatum: either marry me, or we're done. It's not like they had been dating for 10 years, either. They had only been together for about 1.5 years, and she's only 25 years old. I think it's really sad and kinda wrong. It's clear that he's not totally happy either :/