Tell me your thoughts

[Dziubka]

Did they have an open bar? Over here wedding receptions last for 8-10 hours, they include a 6 course dinner (+ the cake), an open bar with beer, wine and liquor and a band playing all night. And it's commonly expected for guests to give you enough money to cover for their seat, which is an average of $60-70 in the city where I live. In fact it's considered rude for them not to. Of course some people can't afford it and that's fine, it's not about milking your guests, but sometimes people make it a matter of some sort of principle, but they still happily accept your invitation and enjoy the party.

I think it's a bit off colour to directly ask for a specific amount in an invitation like that, but I come from a culture where a minimum amount is pretty much implied and expectations to cover it are not considered rude at all.

I estimate our banquet will cost about $7,500 but I expect it to pay itself off - most people give about $100 per person, so the Croatian side of our guests should make up for the English not covering their costs (I don't expect them to, as I've been to enough English weddings to know they're different to ours).

For Poland it's pretty much the same. Wedding presents consist mostly of "envelopes". Some couples even take out loans for their wedding party, expecting to be able to pay it back off with their wedding presents.

But stating something that is socially implied is still incredibly rude. Like if I had guests over for dinner and I'd ask them to please not burp and fart while we're eating (or if I had anything about that in my wedding invitations) that would still be extremely weird and pretty rude, even though/because everyone knows that they shouldn't burp or fart.

If people can afford it, they'll give you enough money that it covers their seat (unless they are stingy or don't care, but then they won't care even if it's in the invitation). If they don't they obviously can't afford it and I guess you'd rather pay that 30€ to have your friend at your wedding than celebrate without them, because they can't afford it.

[80anthea]

I estimate our banquet will cost about $7,500 but I expect it to pay itself off - most people give about $100 per person, so the Croatian side of our guests should make up for the English not covering their costs (I don't expect them to, as I've been to enough English weddings to know they're different to ours).

Yes I'm afraid my experience of English is weddings is the complete opposite attitude. Most Brits see weddings as a source of free/cheap alcohol and food at the couple's expense.

[differentcountries]

But it is very much a matter of wording weather the gifts are supposed to cover the weddıng reception or the honey moon/set up of new home.

[Malaga]

If people can afford it, they'll give you enough money that it covers their seat (unless they are stingy or don't care, but then they won't care even if it's in the invitation). If they don't they obviously can't afford it and I guess you'd rather pay that 30€ to have your friend at your wedding than celebrate without them, because they can't afford it.

You're right about it being rude when it's explicitly stated like that, it goes against the social protocol. I just thought it was more wording that was awkward/rude rather than the amount they were expecting, provided of course that they threw a proper party for their guests. But if it's like snow_girl suggested, that they're asking money for nothing much, then I agree it's altogether shameless. Of course I'd never hold it against someone if they couldn't afford it, or decide not to invite them because of it. But it's an exception rather than a rule.

Yes I'm afraid my experience of English is weddings is the complete opposite attitude. Most Brits see weddings as a source of free/cheap alcohol and food at the couple's expense.

I was dismayed when my SO thought we should give a £30 gift card from the both of us at his friend's wedding. I barely persuaded him to at least make it a £50. I'd actually love to be able to tell his friends not to buy us any random crap but just put however much they'd spend on it in an envelope and leave it at the gifts table. It's easier for them and better for us. Even if it's £5, it doesn't matter. I'm sure I'd put that fiver to better use for us... especially with current exchange rates.

Over here wedding receptions and gift giving are seen as the community helping out a young couple start their new life together, establish household etc. That's why it's a custom to cover your cost + give a little extra. The couple on the other hand throw a super awesome party as a treat for their guests.

Compared to what I've experienced in England we're quite liberal with money, guests often even 'tip' for different parts of the reception protocol, in addition to the gift. Some of these customs are described here: https://weddings-in-croatia.net/croa...and-customs-2/ But that depends on how traditional they are - some of these are quite outdated, like paying to dance with the bride? That doesn't go down well with most people these days.

[80anthea]

You're right about it being rude when it's explicitly stated like that, it goes against the social protocol. I just thought it was more wording that was awkward/rude rather than the amount they were expecting, provided of course that they threw a proper party for their guests. But if it's like snow_girl suggested, that they're asking money for nothing much, then I agree it's altogether shameless. Of course I'd never hold it against someone if they couldn't afford it, or decide not to invite them because of it. But it's an exception rather than a rule.



I was dismayed when my SO thought we should give a £30 gift card from the both of us at his friend's wedding. I barely persuaded him to at least make it a £50. I'd actually love to be able to tell his friends not to buy us any random crap but just put however much they'd spend on it in an envelope and leave it at the gifts table. It's easier for them and better for us. Even if it's £5, it doesn't matter. I'm sure I'd put that fiver to better use for us... especially with current exchange rates.

Over here wedding receptions and gift giving are seen as the community helping out a young couple start their new life together, establish household etc. That's why it's a custom to cover your cost + give a little extra. The couple on the other hand throw a super awesome party as a treat for their guests.

Compared to what I've experienced in England we're quite liberal with money, guests often even 'tip' for different parts of the reception protocol, in addition to the gift. Some of these customs are described here: https://weddings-in-croatia.net/croa...and-customs-2/ But that depends on how traditional they are - some of these are quite outdated, like paying to dance with the bride? That doesn't go down well with most people these days.

Thank you for the link, some of those traditions are awesome. I love the fake bride one!

[Dziubka]

Paying to dance with the bride, but also with the groom, is actually quite common on Polish weddings. Or at least it was on all the ones I've been to.

It's usually supposed to be a collection for the pram. Most people give only a symbolic amount, though (but the people closer to the bride and groom tend to give some real money).

[TaraMarie]

I'm getting married in September. I haven't even thought about gifts. I don't need them, nor would I ask for them. Just come celebrate with us.