Does it really matter that much?

[Rosebud]

Marriage is big deal for me. I've always known I wanted to get married and even in junior high I never saw the point in dating someone long term if you didn't at least hope for it to last forever (I knew a number of people who thought of it as no big deal to just date till the end of the year and then just break it off). So once I began dating I still had those intentions, that I'm sticking with someone I can see a long future with.

This was actually something I brought up to Alex just about a week ago since we have been dating over a year and I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. It's not as though I need an outright proposal or anything since one never knows how things will turn from now until when we can make it CD, but it was good to know he knew what I had in mind and was on board with it. I would have to say, if he had outright said, 'No, I don't ever want to get married', it would have been a HUGE blow to me and very likely could have led to a break-up.

People point out, if we love each other why do we need some paper to 'prove' it. But in return I have to ask-if you love someone why are you so opposed to showing that to the world? For me, a marriage is something to be proud off. Maybe I just like to show off but when you've got something you love, why don't you want to show it? Marriage signifies that bond you have with this person, that ring a symbol to look upon and remember how special that really is. For me, being married means becoming a family. I don't ever plan to have children, but if I did, I would want to be married before I did so as once again that's what feels like family to me.

My aunt has lived with a man for so many years I've lost count (well over 20 years), and when they go out together people call them husband and wife. But they've never been married and I honestly do not feel very close to this man at all. It's as though he does not want to become a part of our family, rejects that part of my aunt which is very important to her. I never want to feel like my relationship with my boyfriend has to be so seperate from the one I have with my family.

[Trethsparr]

People point out, if we love each other why do we need some paper to 'prove' it. But in return I have to ask-if you love someone why are you so opposed to showing that to the world? For me, a marriage is something to be proud off. Maybe I just like to show off but when you've got something you love, why don't you want to show it? Marriage signifies that bond you have with this person, that ring a symbol to look upon and remember how special that really is. For me, being married means becoming a family.

That's a good point. I like that.

[blankita719]

Eh - I've flip-flopped over this issue....My wanting to close the distance within a specific time frame really has more to do with my biological clock and possibility of having more children as opposed to marriage. My son's father & I were engaged 2 weeks after we met, but never got married and we were together for almost 8 years. I just never really wanted to go through with it but he really did. By the time I came around on the subject, we were already almost done so it never happened. I've told my SO that I really don't care if we get married or not, so long as we spend the rest of our lives together but that at this point, I would prefer to get married. I think it's a little different for me as a thirty-something because society says I should have already been married by now and I never have been. That may be a part of why I actually do want to get married now, but if he said he never wanted to get married then it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. I tease him about wanting my ring, but I'm not serious about it.

[Zephii]

Garnet: That makes a lot of sense.

Sabby: That's hilarious!

Squiddie and Seattlelove: Yeah there is a bit of convenience (and immigration grease! Love that Silvia!) in being married. I guess I never thought of it that much because in a lot of places now you don't have to be married to share insurance or get a visa etc. At home defacto (common law) couples have almost all the same rights as married couples after two years. So I appreciate this side of it being pointed out. Practicality And squiddie, you made perfect sense!

Rosebud: Interesting question! I don't think not being married at all hides it from the world or shows you don't love each other, and there are couples who are not legally married but still wear wedding rings. I also think that love can be shown much stronger in other ways. Many people have seen Obi and I together and assumed we're married because we act a bit like an old couple and our love for each other is obvious. People don't need to see something on our hands to know we're for each other. Besides, marriage is pretty expensive!

Treth: I'm sure it will be awesome sex too You make me giggle.

[Trethsparr]

Treth: I'm sure it will be awesome sex too You make me giggle.

I understand and respect that there are people who feel called to a life of celibacy.

I, however, am not one of those people. ;D

[Zephii]

I understand and respect that there are people who feel called to a life of celibacy.

I, however, am not one of those people. ;D

Stop it! You're making my face hurt from smiling!

[Èternity]

Marriage was important to me the first time around because I wanted to have children within it after living together for five years. There were also my own beliefs around marriage being one of the three cornerstones of me becoming an adult (along with getting a mortgage and having children). It was important to me, as the oldest child, to fulfil familial expectations and, as one of the last singletons, to relieve peer pressure as well.

Even though I had an amicable divorce, I flip flop whether I want to try it again because divorce rates among second marriages are worse than firsts. If I do it again, marriage would be important this time around because now for me, it would be a public statement about a personal commitment.

[mllebamako]

Yes. It does really matter to me. If my SO said he didn't want to get married...ever...I would have a serious talking with that man and I'd convince him I was right! haha But seriously, it would be a very big struggle for me if he didn't want to get married.
I like the bond of marriage, like other said, spiritually and legally. I love the vows that are exchanged and rings as symbols of those vows. I like the sharing of a last name. And the main reason I want a wedding is for our families and friends to come together, to get to met him or me, respectively and get to show us their support in our love.

[archangel]

Why is marriage so important?
Marriage is important since it signifies a bond between two people telling the world they want to lives the rest of their lives together. Except for me there is one catch... I don't believe in Divorce. So because of that I am... well, I wanted to make sure the relationship is going to work before getting it off the ground.

Is not being married a deal breaker for you? If your SO said "I never want to marry" would you leave?
Yes for both of us (and yes to both questions). Marriage for us means a lot, since it shows our parents and the rest of the world who we want to spend the rest of our lives with.
Tell me everything you think about marriage?
I was raised with a Lutheran/Christian background have been to several 'traditional' church weddings. But the thing is when I went there I was really young so I don't remember a lot of it. Only 3 years a go I converted to pagan, since the theological path didn't fit me.
Anyways... I think marriage is something everyone should go through. Unlike now a days where common law relationships are the #1 in country (I don't like common law either). To think marriage has been around forever pretty well, and it has always regarded with respect and proof that you are not a kid anymore. Marriage if I had my way... should be necessary in every country and you should only be aloud to have one partner. I have nothing against queer marriage (is that the right term?) just as long as neither of them start hitting on me.

One other thing, consider this... you can simply enter a relationship. But if you both want to get married you have to get engaged before doing so. It is almost like an extra step which proves how much you love your partner.
You know.... Boyfriend -> Fiancés -> Husband; Girlfriend-> Fiancées -> Wife.

[DarkSolitary]

Marriage is very important to me. If my SO said he didn't ever wanna get married to me it would break my heart. I don't know if I would leave him because of that but It would be close. Thankfully my SO wants to get married :3

To me marriage is a spiritual bond and a proof of love. The legal crap is just an added bonus and sometimes burden. Marriage to me is a maturation of a relationship. Like, hmm... I can't really explain except by saying when I'm in my 30's and older I don't want to say boyfriend cuz then I sound like i'm in high school. fiance and husband sounds much more mature

[Bluestars]

I tend to flip-flop on this issue a lot, but I will try answering this :/

Is not being married a deal breaker for you? If your SO said "I never want to marry" would you leave?
Honestly, it would probably be a deal breaker for me. Right now, I know my SO is not ready to be married, and I understand that. But if he told me that he would never marry me, I would question our entire reason for being together. I want a long term relationship, and one of the things I think you should ask yourself is whether or not you see a future with the other person. I would not be dating my SO if I did not think we had potential to end up with one another in the long run.

Tell me everything you think about marriage?
Up until around my freshmen year in college, I used to hate the idea of marriage. My dad left my mother ten years ago, and I had a VERY hard time dealing with it. I was afraid that the same thing would happen to me if I ever got married, and I am pretty sure that I still have a fear of abandonment. My dad never understood why I was so upset. He would just tell me that tons of people get divorced and their children get over it, so I should as well. Looking back, I see that maybe this was meant to happen. I moved to South Carolina and got to know my family, and I wouldn't have been the same person I am today otherwise. But on the other hand, my dad could have handled it a lot better. To this day, he is very manipulative and he bullies my mom and treats her horribly.

Because of that, I have always abhorred divorce, and I used to think that I never wanted to be married because I didn't want to be hurt like my mom. But when I met Jared, I sort of started thinking about marriage differently, and I realize that I would like nothing more than to get married in the future. To me, marriage symbolizes the ultimate commitment, and I want that. I want to have a partner that I can depend on no matter what, and I also think it is spiritual in a way, like others have mentioned.

That being said, I think that the concept of marriage today is slowly changing, and although I want to have my happy ending, I know that the statistics are against me. It actually sickens me how quickly people opt out for divorce instead of trying to make their marriage work. I do not mean to offend people on the site who are divorced, but this is how I personally feel after experiencing what I have. I know for a fact that a divorce can have a horrible impact on children involved (although not always of course), and I do not think that people work hard enough to make their marriages work out. My dad left my mother because he said that he did not "love" my mother anymore, and I think that highlights a lot of the reason why the divorce rate is so high. Today, people think the main reason to be married is out of love, so when they do not feel those "butterflies" anymore, they often leave and try finding it elsewhere. However, people married for more practical reasons in the past.

I believe love is only a small part of marriage. Love has its ups and downs, and people do fall out of love (like my dad did with my mom). But I also believe that if you work hard enough, you can make that person fall back in love with you. Not only that, I also see marriage as a partnership of two people who are friends as well. They trust one another and are one another's support. When people have marriage problems, I think the first thing they should do is seek counseling, and divorce should only be an option if that does not help. Also, abuse obviously is a different story which automatically warrants divorce.

So yeah...I think that today's idea of marriage is sort of fading away because a lot of people see marriage as something you can do several times. But personally, I will give my marriage all that I have and I want a partner who will do the same. That is not to say that I will not get divorced if I get married, but I will not go down without a fight.

[Zephii]

Bluestars - That was an awesome post. I hope everyone reads it, twice if possible.

[Dauntedpoet]

If my SO said "I want to get married" it would be a problem for me, and I would look for the spot where the pod people entered and took over his body

[Stephanieeee]

"To me, marriage symbolizes the ultimate commitment, and I want that. I want to have a partner that I can depend on no matter what, and I also think it is spiritual in a way, like others have mentioned. "

*applause*

- I used to be skeptical as well, just like you. My parents divorced. Not once, but twice. It wrecked a lot of the faith I had in the institution of marriage and I figured that it wasn't necessary to declare my relationship to a state and get a license to be in a legitimate relationship, I still don't. Then I met Kyle. And now the idea of being that mans 'wife', sharing his last name, gives me goosebumps. Its because of this that I think marriage is indeed a very spiritual union. The legalities of marriage are bullshit, and I wish I could get out of them. But I am more than willing to sign a marriage license if it means being able to call him my husband. Its a beautiful thing to me now.

Divorce is something that I wont ever resort to. I do not think that they're isn't anything that I can't work through or we can't get over. And if one doesn't go into marriage with that faith, then you're screwed. Especially once children are involved, I would rather fake each and every smile until I die then show my kids an example of a failed love. My parents example made me cynical and probably a bit more realistic then I would have been otherwise, and I wish it hadn't. Luckily, Kyle and I both have the same idea of what it takes to build and maintain a marriage in terms of finances and support systems. As long as you recognize the responsibility and are confident in your partner as an equal, I don't see any reason why two people couldn't co-exist happily until death due them part.

[Zephii]

If my SO said "I want to get married" it would be a problem for me, and I would look for the spot where the pod people entered and took over his body

LMBAO! that's the spirit