Does it really matter that much?

[lucybelle]

When I first met my SO he didn't want a family, marriage or even a girlfriend really. And I certainly wasn't planning on having any of those things any time soon. But the longer we're together, the more we feel like we do want those things with each other. Maybe it's reaching a point of maturity for the two of us or perhaps we're just smitten, I don't know. What I do know is I want to get married because I love parties!!!!

[ChibiFelicia]

I never really thought about actually getting married before i met jeff just cause i never met the right person. As for him not wanting to get married I dont think it would be a deal breaker for me but i would ask why. When i first started dating jeff he did say he didnt want to get married but wanted to be serious. At the time being "serious" was enough for me. Our relationship is long distance (over 5000 miles) so we both needed to know if we were fully commited into making the relationship work.
After a year or so marriage popped up again and he said he's been thinking about it. Fast forward a year he wants to make me his wife and have kids together some day. The thing is for me to live in the states we would have to get married (or i can get a nurse visa but that could take years) and initially thats what i wanted to do. Just apply for the visa and get there my own way.....but i dont want to wait that long..my biological clock is ticking and i want to have a few years of married life before kids (for financial reasons as well as well i wanna enjoy married life). I honestly dont think we'd be thinking about marriage right now if i was living in at least the same country lol i'd like to live with him first but what i have with him is special i aint gonna get all picky about lil things (used to bug me that i would be basically marrying him so i can get a visa) we've talked about it and he dont feel like that he knows how i feel and vice versa : )

[floridaellen]

I've always wanted to be married. Marriage is extremely important in my family - my parents have been married for thirty years, my grandparents for 53. Some of my family is divorced, yes, but I hope that won't happen for me. I think marriage is the next step and shows serious committment to the world. I know some couples who live together for a long time and are very committed but people don't take them as seriously. I want to be taken seriously. Plus I'm Catholic and pretty religious (although the whole abstinence thing never really worked out...) so I value the spiritual committment.
My SO thankfully really wants to get married in like 2-3 years. I've always believed I would be a young bride haha. If he didn't ever want to get married, I think it'd be a dealbreaker. It's something I value and I need. I'm fine with being selfish in that aspect.

[Haley53]

I'm not sure.

Being from two different countries, it seems that marriage will almost be required in order to achieve the status of dual citisenship for both/either of us. I wouldn't say it would be why we were getting married, but it does seem to be what would be required to give the other access into the other's country for extended periods of time. Will we be "test driving" it first? Yes, he will be coming here on a work visa and I'm considering taking a working holiday there as well, which will give us a chance to spend up to a year with one another living in the same proximity, as I do feel it's important to live together before marriage, but let us say that none of these things were apart of it. Let us say we lived in the same country. I think it would depend on his reasons for not wanting to be married.

I do believe that marriage shows a certain level of commitment, and I think that if someone did not want to be married based on a committal reason, I might feel a little bit worried or bothered by it. For example, if someone could not see themselves "making that level of commitment" or if they viewed it pessimistically in the sense "it all ends in divorce anyway," these would be warning signs to me and reasons to not want to continue the relationship. I don't want someone who isn't serious about me. At the same time, however, I wouldn't want it to be rushed for any reason either. Excluding the issue of visas and again pretending we lived in the same country, I'm well aware of people who have rushed to get married so that they can, say, get on the other's health insurance or because one got pregnant. Same as I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want to commit to marriage for the commitment factor, I wouldn't want to get married to someone who didn't commit to me for that same commitment factor.

For me, I'm prepared to wait. I wouldn't mind having a long engagement. I want to be able to have enough money to not only live comfortably but to have the wedding of my dreams, so to speak. I also want to be prepared for marital responsibilities. For me, as I said, I do think I would like to be married because it does show a level of commitment, but at the same time, it really is merely a piece of paper. :P I could care less what people think of me, I'm not religious in the way some people here have mentioned being, I will be hyphenating my name, etc. So I think I could tolerate not being married, as much as I wanted to be, but it would depend on his reasons why. Because frankly, a commitment is a commitment, and a ring on the finger and a piece of paper are, in my opinion, not going to make him any more committed. It will simply make it easier to trap 'im. (kidding)

[kiara_silver]

That's a toughie. I want to get married, I've always known this. But if my SO said he doesn't want to get married? I don't know... I think marriage is a huge commitment, and it shows a huge leap of faith and trust in that person. But i can't imagine walking away from my SO. Fortunately he wants marriage too, so don't have to worry lol. But yes marriage is important to me. But im not in a rush to walk down the isle, sure i would like to be married soon, but it's worth the wait. As long as I know that's where our relationships headed.

[Minerva]

I'm a bit of a romantic fool, and much as I say I'm burning to get married again, I love my SO. He makes me feel different from anyone I've ever been with. Mostly I play it cool and say, "nope, just a bit of paper, doesn't mean anything," but then I think of him, and... I want to grow old with him. As husband and wife. I'm not burning for it, and I don't think about it much, but when I do, I shock myself when I realize I do want to marry this man.

I've already done the marriage thing. And then the divorce thing. When I got married, I said it was forever, I said I'd do anything to stay married, that I would fight for it, that divorce was the last resort. My husband agreed. We both said should we ever have problems, we'd work on them together. But then one day I came home from work and he told me his life was a lie and he wanted a divorce. It was that fast. That's when I learned you can't make something work if the other person has already checked out.

So I've been anti-marriage for a long time.

But.

But...

There's just something about my SO. I know his flaws, and I don't mind them. He fits me like no one else ever has. I don't know. I can't say I'm ready to remarry, but my SO has me actually thinking about it. It just seems like marriage is on the path we're walking on...

Practically, being from two different countries, we'll probably have no choice but to marry. And there are also the other legalities: health insurance, the rights visit in the hospitals, the rights to legally take care of each other.

If we stay together, we'll get married. We just have to. But I'm starting to be OK with it.

[Josephine Falnor]

To me, marriage is important because it's that sign of commitment that I will stay with my loved one forever, through good times and bad, etc... Not that I wouldn't do that anyways; marriage just makes it official.

Ultimately, I never felt like marriage was a big deal. However, because my girlfriend and I are both girls, and it's going to be very hard for us to get married here (neither of our states allow gay marriage), it's become a much bigger deal to me. I want to be able to marry her, so we can have kids together, and live together, and have all the rights that a married heterosexual couple can have. I want to officially make her my wife, and be her wife in return. I want us both to have parental rights over our future children, and I want us to be recognized by everyone (family, friends, government) as a loving couple, and as a family.

I can understand why some people don't think marriage is a huge deal, and why other people think it is. To me, I'm in the middle. The wedding itself isn't a big part of it. The commitment isn't a big part of it (I know my girl is committed to me, and I'm committed to her). I just want that official, traditional symbol that she is mine, and I am hers, and we always will belong to each other.

I don't know if anything I just said made sense. Oops. ^^;;

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I would love more than anything to get married because it's something I've dreamed of since I was young. But, if by some chance Anthony told me that he doesn't want to get married, I would be very upset, but I would stay with him. It's not a total deal breaker for me. I love Anthony with all of my heart, so that won't change. I do want to take his name badly, and I don't want children until after I am married, so that'd be a monkey wrench. But, in the end, as long as we're committed to one another 100% and we close the distance and get to live together, that's all that matters. =]

[Kerry]

if my bf said he never wanted to marry me it would be a deal breaker and yes I would leave. I want to build a life with him and that means we get married.

[WakeUpSusie]

I don't think I would stay with my SO if he never wanted to get married. At some point, I would want that commitment with him. Luckily, he proposed last month so I think he wants to get married too

[rivi87]

Well as some of you know this past July we made the deal official and got married in a very small ceremony. So I am going to go about this a little bit differently.

I will start out by saying I was definitely a skeptic a couple years ago. My mother has not had the best luck with her romantic life. She married my father young and was with him for 9 years. During that time he turned into an alcoholic abusive man according to her who would hurt my brother me and my mother (It got to the point where my brother would make lego guns to give my mom to protect her).

She left him and we moved to Missour where my family was. She took a job as a waitress at a truckstop to support my brother and I. During this time, she was dating numerous men and got pregnant by a truck driver she met (She doesent make the best choices as you will see) and 5 days after her divorce was final, she married my ex-stepfather Bill. He spent most of their almost 20 years of marriage on the road while my mom cared for the the children (There were 5 of us). My stepfather was periodically abusive to me and my siblings and eventually gambled away our family's money. It got to the point he would come home, punish us and for the rest of the time just sit there and watch TV. I would think "Is this what marriage is like, is this what relationships are like?. Having a Man that is basically not there for me and verbally and physically abuses me and my kids?".

Well in June of 2010 (after I paid for the divorce) the marriage was ended. Meanwhile my mother wasn't wasting her time, already looking for husband #3. She still dates a lot no one serious though just doing things I used to do when I was in college when she's 50 lol.

So I hope that helps you understand how I had qualms about marriage. I have always been a very self-efficient and independent girl who didnt need one guy to validate me. When I met Mitch it was different than any man I had known or talked to.

He was patient with me, he got to know me and understand my relationship issues...He was also persistent (it took 10 months for me to commit to him). He showed care a sensitivity I had never felt. I was still quite against marriage and couldn't it see it happening.

It was starting to get serious and I got scared so I told him I wanted to take a break. It hurt him but I needed to know if he wasnt there for me would I miss him?. We split for about a month and a half. We both hung out with other people but in a month we were texting eachother all the time and I realized I never wanted him out of my life. We got back together and I was never more sure that his was the guy I wanted to be with.

Then in May, he surprised me with my beautiful solitaire engagement ring and asked me to be his wife. He knew he would be leaving for his deployment soon and because there was a possibility of the Army moving me away, the best way to help us get to the same place was to put it on paper so the Army would honor that we were married and would do what they could to ensure we were together.

So in June we layed it out on the table: what we expected, what we were worried about, what the boundaries are, what our plans are, future plans just a lot of things and then decided to get married when I saw him next which would be a week before he left.

It is one of the best descisions I have ever made and I couldnt be happier. He is the most supportive, caring and sweet man I could have hoped for.

I didn't think Marriage was important, but the security of looking down at your ring finger and being reminded that even on the worst day, you have a caring a supportive spouse there for you as your partner for life is truly the best feeling ever. Sorry I don't usually get mushy and I know this is long but it's been quite the journey to this point..and I wouldnt have it any other way