Moving in before getting engaged/married?

[floridaellen]

I do not have an issue with living together before marriage. I do not really have a strong opinion on living together or not. However, it would kill my parents essentially if I did live with someone before marrying them. While I would not be relying on my parents at that time, I still want to keep them happy. Since it doesn't matter to me either way, I am fine with waiting until I marry to live with someone in order to keep my parents happy. They did so much for me and if I can do this for them, I will.

[iloveacarpenter]

I already know I'll be outvoted here, based on the responses I've seen in previous threads, but I chose to wait until after marriage to move in with my SO. I don't know that it shows "a lack of commitment" to co-habituate, per say, as I do believe it does take commitment to take that step, definitely. (Merging households and all is no simple task.)

But, to be honest, it was tremendously special for us to wait until after marriage to take that step. It brought us together as one both materially and physically (we abstained from sex prior to marriage and were both virgins), and it is truly unlike any relationship we've ever had before in our lives - and we love it.

I do believe, based on my observations and study, that the statistics on separation rates for couples who lived together before marriage (those who got that far, that is) are, indeed, higher. I mean no offense and broad-stroke brush with my parenthetical statement: I have seen co-habituating couples get married, and I've also seen them split up. But for us, living together first wasn't the right choice.

Really great way of putting it! My SO and I are on this page too. We will be waiting until after we are married to move in together. After we buy our house, he will move in and live there alone until after the wedding, which is when I will move in. We are also saving sex until after marriage. These are personal preferences that go along with our faith, and they're are working out really great for us.

[NaNi]

Lack of commitment??? Hell no! I don't plan on being engaged before moving in with my SO and believe me - I love her with all my heart and one day we're going to get married. We just don't want to rush things. We're young. We have so much to experience. There's no need for an engagement anytime soon. But we both know that there will be one. One day.

[Engel]

In my opinion everybody should live together for one year before getting married, things are different when under the same roof for such a long time. i think people rush things by getting married before living together.

but hey, whatevers works for you

[Dziubka]

I also can't imagine marrying someone without ever having had sex with them, but, I guess that's a different opinion for a different thread.

I can't even imagine being in a relationship with someone, before I have sex with them to each their own I guess.


I don't see how living together can be lack of committment. I definitely think that couples should live together before they get married. There
s so much about the other person, that you don't find out about until you actually live together.

That said, I'm probably going to be a hypocrite and not take my own advice. My boyfriend and I will probably have lived together for a very short time, if at all, when we get married. But by then we'll have been together for more than 5 years and we don't want to put of getting married for longer, especially because we want to have children shortly after.
It's not an ideal situation. I wish we could move in together sooner and live by ourselves (without children!) for longer, but there's not much I can do about it. To close the distance sooner, one of us would have to compromise on their education, which neither of us wants to do.

[Malaga]

I can't even imagine being in a relationship with someone, before I have sex with them to each their own I guess.

+1. I'm the sort of person for whom love = sex.

I've heard of plenty of cases where people jumped from dating to marriage, only to regret it later. But I've seen just as many situations where (mainly) women spent years and years waiting for their partners to propose after they moved in together. Their partners were in no rush as they were enjoying all the perks of marriage without ever having to actually make that decision.

Who is at fault here? Both of them, and neither of them, IMO. Both had best intentions. But women didn't set the boundaries at the right moment, and men got too comfortable to understand why marriage was important to their partners. Why fix it if it's not broken?

There are different types of people. There are strong decisive guys with a clear cut plan for the future, and then there are people who don't like to make big decisions and tend to stay in their comfort zone if they're given the option.

I know my boyfriend is the second type. I don't doubt his loyalty and commitment but I know if there was no legal or other limits for us to live together, I'd have to wait for a while before he proposed. It's not that he wouldn't want to. He'd stress over a million less important things - it's better to wait until we have more money, until he gets that promotion, etc. Situation never gets ideal, time goes by, expectations rise, so does frustration.

No thanks. Frankly I'd rather take my chance with a leap of faith.

But for us in international relationships things are cut out rather simple. For a lot of people marriage is practically the only way to get permanent residence. I could legally live with him up to 6 months and then I'd be banned from the country for another 6 months. Unless we got engaged.

That's what I'm counting on tbh. Six months seems like a reasonable time and honestly if we can't make that decision within that time, I doubt we ever will.

[Josephine Falnor]

I always sort of planned not to live with my SO until after we were married, but with my girlfriend, I know we're going to live together before we marry. Since we're both girls, we aren't going to be able to get married easily, and even if we could, we're not in a good place for marriage yet. We're planning to move in together next Fall, and sometime after that we'll officially get engaged (I gave her a promise ring for our anniversary, but we don't want to get engaged until we live together, or are closer to living together).

[Lissy]

I always sort of planned not to live with my SO until after we were married, but with my girlfriend, I know we're going to live together before we marry. Since we're both girls, we aren't going to be able to get married easily, and even if we could, we're not in a good place for marriage yet. We're planning to move in together next Fall, and sometime after that we'll officially get engaged (I gave her a promise ring for our anniversary, but we don't want to get engaged until we live together, or are closer to living together).

Always happy to be the exception, love.

[CanadianGirl]

I definitely want to live with my SO before marriage. The closest I've come is living with him for a month this summer and even that was enough time to learn a great deal (about him, myself and relationships in general). I think living together before marriage might be especially important for those in relationships that started out LDR in the first place.

[Sierra]

I work in family law and handle divorces, I also have an aunt who didn't live with her ex-husband before she got married and she says this is the biggest mistake of her life.

I think it's essential to live together before you get married. You have no idea what life is like with someone else until you live with them. I don't think not living together shows a lack of commitment, I think it shows a little bit of ... I don't know how to say this nicely ... wishful thinking.

Before anyone considers marriage there are a plethora of questions you should explore together before you decide if you can ACTUALLY make it work as a couple. Things like raising children, sharing chores, monetary control -- I can go on and on. These are ESSENTIAL and they are the cause of divorces. The sad thing is they can be easily avoided through not rushing and open communication with the other partner.

I could never and would never marry someone I haven't lived with first. There's too much dischord that could present itself while living together. Just because you're married and didn't live together before you got married doesn't mean it's not going to break up your marriage.

I do believe, based on my observations and study, that the statistics on separation rates for couples who lived together before marriage (those who got that far, that is) are, indeed, higher. I mean no offense and broad-stroke brush with my parenthetical statement: I have seen co-habituating couples get married, and I've also seen them split up. But for us, living together first wasn't the right choice.

This is not true at all. When you read these "studies" check your sources, they are almost always religiously based. While religious reasons do keep people from living together before they are married, and that's fine if it's your choice, the fact is that falling divorce rates in other countries are directly attributed to couples living together before marriage.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-marriage.html

ETA: If it's a no sex before marriage thing I don't think there's anything wrong with living as roommates, but I really do think not living together before marriage is foolhardy. Then again, not to sound callous, but someone's gotta pay me for handling their divorces...

[Mirhollinger]

"Every relationship is different and I don't bear judgment on others who wait or live with there partner for a year before getting hitched."
When you said that, I was smiling so much. I agree like crazy, and though i think that would be the right thing for my relationship a little bit farther down the road, I know it didnt work for you. In my opinion I dont see anything wrong with it, when i hear about couples who have been together for about 7 years, their getting married, but still not lving together, i couldnt imagine doing that. If its what works for them though, god speed