This has been a huge part of my life. From the ages of 3 to 14 I lived in Saudi Arabia and my wife is from Ecuador, where I spent a further 2 years living (plus working numerous summer holidays out there). As I'm 31, that's not far of half my life spent outside of the UK. So as a newbie who is always willing to help, I thought I'd offer a few tips on adapting to other cultures.
1) Don't go out there blind, research first. Visiting is better. Just asking your SO questions is risking giving you a slightly sanitised view of where you're moving. Doing proper research and visiting will give you a true insight in to the pros and cons of where you'll be living. A further advantage is that if you're moving to a country where your mother tongue isn't spoken, visiting gives you the chance to practice. Ecuador is a Spanish speaking country, and I discovered that there's a number of differences from speaking in Spain to Ecuador. A lot of it is simply local dialect, but in parts of South America, some of the indigenous people are in the habit of dropping Quechuan* words and phrases in to Spanish sentences. I found that especially confusing at first but my wife speaks Quechua, she was able to help me. An example of how Spanish can differ in Spanish speaking countries are the words "�a�o" and "�a�a" in Ecuador. These words don't exist at all in Spain but they mean bother and sister in Ecuador.
2) Try the food, but be careful. And being careful is especially important. When I lived in Saudi Arabia, my parents always carried imodium, wet wipes and hand sanitiser. These are all things that I make a point of when I'm in South America. The reality of living in South America is that if you're a germophobe, you're going to struggle. It's simply a case of getting over it and cracking on. I make a point of only eating chicken cooked by my wife or mother-in-law, whilst when I'm out I'll stick to red meats, small portions and always being cautious. On a personal note, I have to take extra care because I've had a kidney transplant, so I'm immuno-suppressed. An example eating traditional foods in Ecuador - and other parts of South America - is that guinea pig is often eaten on special occasions. I found it difficult at first but now I quite enjoy it.
3) Embrace the differences, they're what make it special. Getting out of your comfort zone is a very good way to learn more about yourself, and you might just discover something (or someone) you love. This can be anything from eating different foods or languages, living without electricity, every Sunday being a day for family or the weekend being Thursday and Friday (the Middle East). Relax, go along with it and most importantly, stay with your SO. My wife has been very supportive whenever we've been in Ecuador and I've struggled with something. The first time I had guinea pig out there, I went with my wife and mother in law to collect the guinea pigs from the market. What I wasn't expecting was my mother-in-law to select the guinea pigs from a large cage and the stall owner to kill & skin them in front of us. That was a bit too much for me and as hard as I tried, I couldn't eat the guinea pigs that day. My wife had to make me a sandwich, but next time I made myself go through the whole thing again, and found myself enjoying the food next time around.
4) Don't be afraid to make mistakes, learn from them. This applies especially to learning another language. Once I was asking for penne pasta in a supermarket, mispronounced the question and asked "�Donde es la pasta del pene?" which translates as "Where is the penis pasta?" I was incredibly embarrassed...until the shop assistant giggled, asked if I was British or American and showed me where the penne pasta was. Just shows you that people do understand, they're willing to help and you can learn from anywhere. My wife couldn't stop laughing when I told her, and it has since become an in joke between us.
5) Don't be afraid to tell your SO if you're struggling. This has particular resonance with me. I'm British, I live in Somerset with my parents and I'd been in relationships with other women before I met my wife. I wasn't a virgin when we met and I'd had girlfriends stay over. Once I had recovered from my transplant - not long after I turned 18 - I was able to go out as a normal 18 year old. I didn't have a curfew, I funded my own cricket and hockey seasons, got my own car and first full time job. The crucial difference here is the curfew. In my wife's family, she had a curfew until we got married. If she went out for an evening, she was expected home by midnight. Her then boyfriend was expected to drop her home safe before midnight and then go home. My wife was a virgin when we met and for a number of reasons, it took us 4 years to sleep together. When I lived in Ecuador, all of these rules made me feel stuck, trapped and suffocated. In the end, it took such a strain on me I had to talk to my wife, her brother and sister and explain that I was really struggling. They understood and over time, were able to help me adapt. It also helped that they spoke to their parents, who relaxed a couple of the rules for me. I know that this tip goes against some of the other advice I've given, but having done my best to adapt, by learning the language, helping with housework, getting a job, studying the culture and history of Ecuador, becoming more independent, they relented a little and helped prevent me from going insane.
I think I've covered everything, but by all means ask if you have a question
1) Don't go out there blind, research first. Visiting is better. Just asking your SO questions is risking giving you a slightly sanitised view of where you're moving. Doing proper research and visiting will give you a true insight in to the pros and cons of where you'll be living. A further advantage is that if you're moving to a country where your mother tongue isn't spoken, visiting gives you the chance to practice. Ecuador is a Spanish speaking country, and I discovered that there's a number of differences from speaking in Spain to Ecuador. A lot of it is simply local dialect, but in parts of South America, some of the indigenous people are in the habit of dropping Quechuan* words and phrases in to Spanish sentences. I found that especially confusing at first but my wife speaks Quechua, she was able to help me. An example of how Spanish can differ in Spanish speaking countries are the words "�a�o" and "�a�a" in Ecuador. These words don't exist at all in Spain but they mean bother and sister in Ecuador.
2) Try the food, but be careful. And being careful is especially important. When I lived in Saudi Arabia, my parents always carried imodium, wet wipes and hand sanitiser. These are all things that I make a point of when I'm in South America. The reality of living in South America is that if you're a germophobe, you're going to struggle. It's simply a case of getting over it and cracking on. I make a point of only eating chicken cooked by my wife or mother-in-law, whilst when I'm out I'll stick to red meats, small portions and always being cautious. On a personal note, I have to take extra care because I've had a kidney transplant, so I'm immuno-suppressed. An example eating traditional foods in Ecuador - and other parts of South America - is that guinea pig is often eaten on special occasions. I found it difficult at first but now I quite enjoy it.
3) Embrace the differences, they're what make it special. Getting out of your comfort zone is a very good way to learn more about yourself, and you might just discover something (or someone) you love. This can be anything from eating different foods or languages, living without electricity, every Sunday being a day for family or the weekend being Thursday and Friday (the Middle East). Relax, go along with it and most importantly, stay with your SO. My wife has been very supportive whenever we've been in Ecuador and I've struggled with something. The first time I had guinea pig out there, I went with my wife and mother in law to collect the guinea pigs from the market. What I wasn't expecting was my mother-in-law to select the guinea pigs from a large cage and the stall owner to kill & skin them in front of us. That was a bit too much for me and as hard as I tried, I couldn't eat the guinea pigs that day. My wife had to make me a sandwich, but next time I made myself go through the whole thing again, and found myself enjoying the food next time around.
4) Don't be afraid to make mistakes, learn from them. This applies especially to learning another language. Once I was asking for penne pasta in a supermarket, mispronounced the question and asked "�Donde es la pasta del pene?" which translates as "Where is the penis pasta?" I was incredibly embarrassed...until the shop assistant giggled, asked if I was British or American and showed me where the penne pasta was. Just shows you that people do understand, they're willing to help and you can learn from anywhere. My wife couldn't stop laughing when I told her, and it has since become an in joke between us.
5) Don't be afraid to tell your SO if you're struggling. This has particular resonance with me. I'm British, I live in Somerset with my parents and I'd been in relationships with other women before I met my wife. I wasn't a virgin when we met and I'd had girlfriends stay over. Once I had recovered from my transplant - not long after I turned 18 - I was able to go out as a normal 18 year old. I didn't have a curfew, I funded my own cricket and hockey seasons, got my own car and first full time job. The crucial difference here is the curfew. In my wife's family, she had a curfew until we got married. If she went out for an evening, she was expected home by midnight. Her then boyfriend was expected to drop her home safe before midnight and then go home. My wife was a virgin when we met and for a number of reasons, it took us 4 years to sleep together. When I lived in Ecuador, all of these rules made me feel stuck, trapped and suffocated. In the end, it took such a strain on me I had to talk to my wife, her brother and sister and explain that I was really struggling. They understood and over time, were able to help me adapt. It also helped that they spoke to their parents, who relaxed a couple of the rules for me. I know that this tip goes against some of the other advice I've given, but having done my best to adapt, by learning the language, helping with housework, getting a job, studying the culture and history of Ecuador, becoming more independent, they relented a little and helped prevent me from going insane.
I think I've covered everything, but by all means ask if you have a question
So I do feel your pain there.
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