Visit drama... not from SO (participation required)

[Gin_12]

Hello everyone,
When I visited SO, sparks flew, chemistry happened and we had a great time in general. But let’s keep it real, SOME of us have gone to visit or have been visited by our SO and experienced some level of drama from “people around”. It could be a friend, a family member or some random stranger. I hope in many cases the experience didn’t adversely affect your relationship with SO, otherwise I’m sorry it happened to you. I experienced first-hand drama, which did not adversely affect my relationship with SO I might add.

I had two separate episodes, actually from 2 separate people and I was equally surprised by both (how naive). One experience is longer the other is quicker so I’ll share the long one first and at a later post the quicker one. If you’ve experienced drama from someone else during the visit that made you go: What the Hell???!!!
Please share, as I believe it is important to dispatch this kind of information so LDR newbies (and others) know that BS can happens during visits from other people than SO. That it is OK and doesn't always mean the relationship is doomed or that you are some ODD bean, it may as well mean, life happens and drama shows up even for us at strange intervals… and yes from surprising people..

Please share your experience, I’d like to read about all that drama… maybe I’m trying to validate my own senses and sensibilities here… and I'm confident you'll point out where I erred and that is ok with me.

I will post my story on the next screen to break up the length
Happy reading...

[Gin_12]

I titled this story: Lost in translation or the Crazy roomie

SO rents one of the bedrooms in his 1 bathroom apartment to a female tenant. She knew about the whole LDR as he told her all about it and prepared her for my 2.5 weeks visit.
The day I got there, we were alone in the apart and as he showed me around, we spoke about house rules so we could all respect her space and such. I met her the same night. We chatted briefly but jet lag had the best of me so I excused myself and retired. The next day we met more properly in the morning when I went to the kitchen to prep. Breakfast.

We greeted and were nice and chatty right away. The conversation (IMHO) went well and we parted as she left for work. It was the routine for the first week. We would briefly meet and chat in the morning and go about our lives and sometimes I’d see her at night. I did everything to stay out of her way because SO told me she was very picky about her space and her things… etc. Then there was week 2. I am getting up at 5 am every day to do some work online and give SO and I time to hang out when he comes back from classes/work. She gets up at around 6:30 am and goes through her routine and either leaves for work or hangs out a bit and does some work at the kitchen table before taking off. She always took off at some point. I didn't keep track so I didn't pay attention when she was gone.
So the scene for the first half of the day: Me in the living room, working door closed; She in the kitchen, working; SO at school or at work.

One day into week 2, she decides to work from home ALL DAY, I have no idea and when I’m done with my work, I decide to shower (I was always the last one to shower). Oh! I’ll treat my hair while I’m at it… I have very curly hair so it takes a while to get knots and tangles out and apply conditioner and etc…
So I stayed under the shower a bit longer than usual. Then with my hair all over the place I decide to clean up so it is nice for everyone. After I finish, I exit as I am running to the bedroom I hear her say in a not very nice tone: Next time you plan to stay in the bathroom for that long let me at least know because I like to have access to the bathroom when I’m working from home… I stop then turn around... valid point, understandable so I apologize for the inconvenience and say I’ll be mindful next time. But she goes on and tells me how there is only one bathroom and blah blah blah… What did she want from me????
So I go on with my day. A few days go by. It is barely 6:00 am and I’m wearing my contacts in the bathroom. I open the door to exit and JEEPERS CREEPERS she is standing by the door way arms crossed… Oh hello! I say and she goes: Well, I just wanted to tell you that today I am working from home all day so I’ll need access to the bathroom… of course I have a puzzled look on my face but I’m like… sure.

But the more I tried to work, the more pissed I got. So at some point when she was in the kitchen, I went there and I asked her what that was all about. Before I knew it, the lady TOLD me my biography! She told me how I was a very cold person because she’d been trying to befriend me and I act as if she doesn’t exist, case to point: I had a “bitchy look” when I spoke to her in the morning and it is a trend... what do I know?! she told me how one day she said good-bye-have-a-nice-day and all I replied was “thank you”… instead of “have a nice day too” then she looked at me and said “who the f*ck answers like that?”. Yes we revisited the bathroom incident...

I was like WHAT THE HELL???? I wish it had been a different situation because right away, I had to control myself and decide to “diffuse” rather than “pounce”. SO and I’s relationship was more important than some BS drama and I was not going to let this person create havoc. OH NO!

So I spoke calmly and although she was still in accusation mode, I was able to agree with her that we should have at least a “civil” attitude towards each other until my visit is over. I never spoke to SO about it since I felt I was big enough to handle the situation alone and creating a situation was not indicated. Nothing else ensued "directly" after that face-off.

Months later, I wish I’d pulverized her and told her where to shove her hatred. A part of me just wanted to set the record with her so bad… I’m still not sure I should have given her a free pass what do you think?

Until this happened, I never thought much about her behavior around me but it sure was odd now that I am thinking about it: she would come home and find SO and I watching a movie and “join us” uninvited. Then she’d make comments here and there while the movie is playing. She’d crash an intimate time between SO and I (not sex, just cuddling and talking to each other) and just come and sit and try to have a conversation or try to tell her dramatic stories. She’d come in and chat our ears to death and SO had to drag me out of the room so we could hide in the bedroom and spend time alone. She would sometimes tell me what to use or not use in the kitchen. She would try to have me taste food stuff that looked strange and I wouldn't want to and she’d insist until I took one/a piece. As for my “share” in this drama, I admit that I was keeping things very short and sweet between us (prior to the kitchen moment). I quite frankly didn’t feel that I needed to invest so much time developing a friendship with her, I was still trying to get to know SO and heck at 2.5 week only, time was of essences. However, I was shocked that she had all these emotions and feelings going about me.

I know it is a long post already but I have to tell you the end of the story: Being mindful that I never told SO about this incident, I was surprised when the very next day, SO and I were going on a movie date and he told me he was not going to renew the leasing contract with her. He was going to tell her she’d need to rent elsewhere. I had to bite my lower lip to blood to not smile or say something negative. I just said if that’s what works best for him then I support him. The witch will be gone when I visit next time WHEW!!! and YEAHHH!!!
THE END now your turn to share. Thank You for reading.

[snow_girl]

I've never had any drama to do with my SO visiting or us being together. I think that drama is petty and if it affects your relationship then there are things you and your SO need to work on. I don't see the importance in telling people that drama can happen because it can happen anywhere at any time regardless of relationship status. Just ignore it.

[Gin_12]

Snow girl, we agree that drama is not necessary, but when I'm reading your post, I have a feeling that maybe I wasn't clear about the goal for this thread?

Yes drama can happen anywhere and that is not my point. My point is to enlist others to share awkward moments or drama that occurred during a visit which involved a 3rd party... regardless of how the event affected your (general you) relationship with SO. That moment when everything seems to be going ok but then something happens and it is bs.
If we can laugh about it then maybe someone else can laugh about it too.

For background sake, I was visiting SO for the first time trying to have a good time and I'm sure anyone in a LDR can appreciate how important that 1st visit is. Drama on top of it is just not cool.

[charly]

well, almost same thing happened when I was living in my old place. They agreed when i signed my lease that it was no problem if I had my boyfriend over for longer periods of time (like almost a month) but when he was there for three weeks, they constantly confronted me with the question when he was going away, because they didn't like a stranger in the house, like wtf?
Anyways, I moved shortly after that, couldn't stand them anymore!

[Mims27]

Gin_12, I think I know what you mean...
My SO came for a visit last Thanksgiving and we had a nice family and friends dinner. We were a good group of people. Well my sister and my mother got in to a huge screaming match over stupid stuff. And when they fight, it gets kinda nasty. I was so embarrassed that my SO had to witness it and that my family would do that in front of her. I was pretty heart broken. My SO comforted me and reassured me that it was ok. She told me family members fight...it's normal. She's right but gah! I still cringe at the thought of her having to witness that. But I guess she'll be part of the family so she might as well know it now huh? lol

[Gin_12]

Gin_12, I think I know what you mean...
My SO came for a visit last Thanksgiving and we had a nice family and friends dinner. We were a good group of people. Well my sister and my mother got in to a huge screaming match over stupid stuff. And when they fight, it gets kinda nasty. I was so embarrassed that my SO had to witness it and that my family would do that in front of her. I was pretty heart broken. My SO comforted me and reassured me that it was ok. She told me family members fight...it's normal. She's right but gah! I still cringe at the thought of her having to witness that. But I guess she'll be part of the family so she might as well know it now huh?
lol

Totally Mims27 which means that your SO is family and there is a proverb that says something along the lines of not airing dirty laundry in public. I like the way she was supportive, that is great!

[Gin_12]

well, almost same thing happened when I was living in my old place. They agreed when i signed my lease that it was no problem if I had my boyfriend over for longer periods of time (like almost a month) but when he was there for three weeks, they constantly confronted me with the question when he was going away, because they didn't like a stranger in the house, like wtf?
Anyways, I moved shortly after that, couldn't stand them anymore!

I know I would have moved out too it wasn't even a month! so you can't have guests over for a few weeks? but that's messed up

[Bex2804]

Luckily any fighting/arguing that goes on between my So and his family I can't understand because it is in Spanish or Flemish xD I'm just hoping my family will behave when he comes here but considering I already tell him the in's and out's of my family arguments anyway hopefully it will be fine...

[ST25]

I've haven't had any visit drama when I'm visiting my SO...hopefully, it'll never happen. But the time he visited me back in 2011, ugh. Me and my mom would have tiffs with each other, it was so aggravating (and it was over something so embarrassing too). And I had been on the road of keeping my big mouth shut too. It's days like those where I really wish my writing career took off and I would finally move out and get my own place. And then again, like one poster said, sooner or later your SO will see a side of your family that's nasty. Just wait til he meets my sister in that case!

[Gin_12]

I've haven't had any visit drama when I'm visiting my SO...hopefully, it'll never happen. But the time he visited me back in 2011, ugh. Me and my mom would have tiffs with each other, it was so aggravating (and it was over something so embarrassing too). And I had been on the road of keeping my big mouth shut too. It's days like those where I really wish my writing career took off and I would finally move out and get my own place. And then again, like one poster said, sooner or later your SO will see a side of your family that's nasty. Just wait til he meets my sister in that case!

I have a sibling whom I expect to "act out" but once you "get" him, he's alright. But yeah, I know it is going to happen... *shrug*. SO hasn't met my folks yet, I've met his sister and her family and things went well. As for my siblings and my mother, they are all scattered throughout the USA therefore it will be a minute before SO gets to meet them all. GOOD! Next year he's visiting for a few months so he'll definitely meet some of them.