Meeting for the first time and sharing a hotel room: Yay or Nay?

[MattDavies86]

Meet up on the first day as planned, see where it takes you, if your comfortable spending the night in the hotel together then do it. If not, he can stay in the hotel and you can stay in your bed at home (as he's coming to your hometown). No need to waste money on 2 rooms that way.

[Ahava]

You seem to have pretty strong feelings about the matter

It was absolutely out of the question for me to sleep anywhere but in his bed. Never even considered that one of us might not want to. In hindsight of course things could have gone wrong but then his roommate was out of town and I could have slept in his room.

OP, you need to have a frank talk about this with your SO. Let him know about your doubts and come to an understanding. Book the hotel room but keep the option of going back home if that's what you want to do. It's likely you won't, though

This is basically what I wanted to say!

You can always sleep in the same bed and not have sex, just cuddle
And I would suggest talking about it before hand (even though it may be a little awkward, but it will be much more akward if one expects to have sex the first night and the other doesn't as a worse case scenario).
Just tell him a bout your thoughts and about being nervous etc. Ask him about his expectation. He may well be nervous about the same thing. You could agree not to have sex (and probably end up breaking the agreement).

[Suuz]

On our first visit we stayed in a hotel together too. We had a double bed but for us it was amazing. We still have so many good memories about this moment.
But as the others said already, just see what happens. Maybe you will feel so comfortable that you dont even wanna go home for the night, and even if you dont wanna stay the night, im sure he will understand.
You can try to talk about it with him maybe? You can tell him that you are afraid it might be a bit awkward and share thoughts about that

[Davidvs]

You seem to have pretty strong feelings about the matter

Yeah, I guess I should have clarified myself.... What I meant was to not make plans to spend the first night together, just in case.. It's always easier to change the plan and stay together than to back out of it and go home...

And based on her initial post, she seems reluctant, so why feel forced when you can let it occur naturally.

[80anthea]

I think it depends on what your conversations are like now....for me and the SO there was no doubt that we would be sleeping (or not sleeping ) in the same bed together from night one but you might not be at that stage yet. As others have suggested I think it's best if you voice your concerns with him.

[iamj]

Meet up on the first day as planned, see where it takes you, if your comfortable spending the night in the hotel together then do it. If not, he can stay in the hotel and you can stay in your bed at home (as he's coming to your hometown). No need to waste money on 2 rooms that way.

I agree with this one. I think it's an awkward conversation to have before meeting someone in person

[kayla_622]

My SO and I got a room together with two separate beds. He wanted there to be two beds so that I had the option of sleeping in one by myself if I wasn't comfortable sharing one with him yet. I ended up sleeping in the same bed as him. That was me though. Everyone and every relationship is different. If you don't feel comfortable even sharing the same room don't be afraid to tell him and he should be understanding about that.

[Hollandia]

This is a judgment call you have to make. If it feels creepy it is, if not and you are an adult. go for it.

[ChibiFelicia]

(Haven't read the previous posts)
First time i met my man he came to visit me for 6 weeks. He suggested that he book a hotel and see how it goes from there. I have my own place and i suggested he stayed with me. We ended up deciding to just see how it goes. As soon as we saw each other there was no awkwardness and he ended up staying at mine for the whole 6 weeks.

OP - have you spoken to him about sleeping arrangements? Might be a good place to start.

[piratemama]

I think it depends on what your conversations are like now....for me and the SO there was no doubt that we would be sleeping (or not sleeping ) in the same bed together from night one but you might not be at that stage yet. As others have suggested I think it's best if you voice your concerns with him.

You gave me a big smile with your comment "or not sleeping," because I was thinking the same thought from my memory of my first visit with my SO.

[KaylaLovesZach]

Hmmm...I think it all depends on how you both feel. As far as worrying that things will be awkward when you're finally face to face, I completely understand. I was terrified of that. When we met in the airport for the first time, it wasn't awkward at all. It was like we had been around each other forever, and nothing was weird at all. But as far as staying with him in his hotel room, do what feels right in the moment. Before his first visit to see me, Zach and I both decided it would be best to not plan on anything, and to just see what unfolded. Everything turned out to be amazing. We did what we felt was right, and just sort of went with the flow. I know it's difficult, but try not to count on or plan anything. Sometimes things work out better that way. If in the moment you want to stay with him in his hotel room, go for it. But if you're not sure about it, then maybe spend the first night at your house. Do what you both want in the moment. Everything will work out! Good luck, and I hope you have an amazing time together!

[Boston's girl]

My SO and I discussed this at length before we met. We met halfway and we booked one room with one bed. We knew we wouldn't want to be apart & it would be a waste of $ to get a second room. We discussed everything...and I knew in my heart I could trust him to not cross any lines I wasn't ok with.

Only you will know what is best.

[Alsfia]

Me and my SO spent the first night together as well, though the option of sleeping in separate beds was there (we borrowed my grandparents' summerhouse) and the second night apart (at my parents' place), but every night left of the visit we did end up sharing a bed. It was all completely spontaneous, but it worked for us.

[Atreyu]

I would definitely share a bed with my SO, finally being together, i would wanna sleep in eachother's arms! lol
but yeah of course it's new and stuff because you've never been together IRL, so I can understand the hesitation
I think for everybody it's different, just do what feels right for you. if it feels more comfortable not to share a bed, don't!
never go across your own boundaries.

[Freebird]

Thanks for the replies!

I think playing it by ear might be the best thing to do... when I meet him for the first time in person we might be totally attached and everything feel normal... or might need some extra warming up. Don't think it's something I can tell right now.