Our first time meeting, Didn't go too well

[whatruckus]

Wow, there are so many good perspectives and views that I never even thought of. I'm starting to feel like maybe it is a bad idea to judge his feelings on one meeting. He texted me last night and we talked for hours and everything was fine so I'm going to assume that he was just really nervous, plus he did day he's really bad at making conversation. I just didn't think it was that bad. Plus I've never meet someone that nervous. And he's 25, you'd think he'd be use to getting to know new people. I'll give it a little more time before I throw in the towel.

THANKS EVERYONE. You really helped.

Completely agree with Hollandia as well (like I usually seem to do lol). About him being 25 and that he should be used to meeting new people, I'm 26. I'm still socially awkward and have a hard time making small conversation, though I force myself to. My SO and I are the same age, and we were both a little quiet and awkward when we first met. Now, the two of us don't shut up around each other.

[digitalfever]

My take on this is different:

You are on a dating site so you can meet someone compatible for dating and possibly longterm relationship?

You communicated with him for two months and he was awkward which carried through to the first date. What you have seen of his personality and attitude is who he is!

You didn't find his traits endearing, but annoying.

Move on...He's not a good match for you!

THIS THIS THIS! You were on a dating website. If he hasn't contacted you since then and you haven't planned another date... move on. Nervous or not it doesn't sound like you guys had fun.

[whatruckus]

THIS THIS THIS! You were on a dating website. If he hasn't contacted you since then and you haven't planned another date... move on. Nervous or not it doesn't sound like you guys had fun.

She said that he texted her the other night and they talked for hours.

Also, if my SO didn't give me another shot, we wouldn't be together. He said he almost didn't because I was so shy when we first met face to face.

[digitalfever]

She said that he texted her the other night and they talked for hours.

Also, if my SO didn't give me another shot, we wouldn't be together. He said he almost didn't because I was so shy when we first met face to face.

I've talked to people I have no interest in romantically. If they haven't made another date then why stick to something?

I don't know how to respond to the second part of your reply,..

[MochaLatte]

Ahhhh, so many different perspectives. Now I'm more confused than when I asked haha. He's very hard to read like since our meeting, I thought it went so bad that i wasn't even going to contact him anymore. I thought I read him pretty well. But now he's texting me more than before and actually trying to hold a conversation. I don't get this guy. I think I'm just gonna ask him what's up but I don't know what to say???

I personally feel like i'm easy to read. It's easy to tell im interested. I was the one that finalized the plan to meet. I was the one that gave him my number. I was the one that tried hard to make conversation. Him on the other hand, is impossible to read. So wishy washy. Sure he initiated communication but he would take a day or even longer to replay through email. It took him a week to text me, but at least he did. He said he's interested in getting to know me but that's vague. How interested? a little? a lot? Ugh, i can drive myself crazy with all my thoughts lol

I've talked to people I have no interest in romantically. If they haven't made another date then why stick to something?

Interesting. Why would you continue talking to someone if you had no interest in them romantically? I mean i understand friendships but if 1) You'll have been communicating for the sole purpose of dating or 2) you knew they were interested in you romantically? Whats the point in dragging someones heart through the mud?

And the second half. I don't think he's made plans for a second date because 1) we are long distance so it takes a lot of planning and 2) he's going to be busy with work when school starts up again (he's a teacher), and he's busy now preparing for it. So it's a little difficult to do so (not impossible, but hard).

[digitalfever]

Ahhhh, so many different perspectives. Now I'm more confused than when I asked haha. He's very hard to read like since our meeting, I thought it went so bad that i wasn't even going to contact him anymore. I thought I read him pretty well. But now he's texting me more than before and actually trying to hold a conversation. I don't get this guy. I think I'm just gonna ask him what's up but I don't know what to say???

I personally feel like i'm easy to read. It's easy to tell im interested. I was the one that finalized the plan to meet. I was the one that gave him my number. I was the one that tried hard to make conversation. Him on the other hand, is impossible to read. So wishy washy. Sure he initiated communication but he would take a day or even longer to replay through email. It took him a week to text me, but at least he did. He said he's interested in getting to know me but that's vague. How interested? a little? a lot? Ugh, i can drive myself crazy with all my thoughts lol



Interesting. Why would you continue talking to someone if you had no interest in them romantically? I mean i understand friendships but if 1) You'll have been communicating for the sole purpose of dating or 2) you knew they were interested in you romantically? Whats the point in dragging someones heart through the mud?

And the second half. I don't think he's made plans for a second date because 1) we are long distance so it takes a lot of planning and 2) he's going to be busy with work when school starts up again (he's a teacher), and he's busy now preparing for it. So it's a little difficult to do so (not impossible, but hard).

Interesting. Why would you continue talking to someone if you had no interest in them romantically? I mean i understand friendships but if 1) You'll have been communicating for the sole purpose of dating or 2) you knew they were interested in you romantically? Whats the point in dragging someones heart through the mud?

And the second half. I don't think he's made plans for a second date because 1) we are long distance so it takes a lot of planning and 2) he's going to be busy with work when school starts up again (he's a teacher), and he's busy now preparing for it. So it's a little difficult to do so (not impossible, but hard).

I don't really think you should ask him "what's up" at this point because that's basically like asking an acquaintance how they feel about you. You guys don't know each other and he's trying to get to know you it seems. I'd ask him to meet again and if he jumps at it then good to go and if he's hesitant move on. Remember: you don't really know this guy either. Take your sweet time getting to know him.

I don't think you'd be dragging someone's heart through the mud after meeting them for the very first time. You shouldn't have that much invested in anyone after meeting them for the first time. That's a very counter-productive way to approach online dating.

Sometimes you don't connect with people that you meet romantically but they are still GREAT people and you want to be friends with them. If that happens I normally say "It was really great meeting you and I'd love to hang out as friends!" I don't lead people on and I make how I feel very clear.

I don't think it's practical to assume that everyone views dating the same way. I think when you meet someone from a dating website your first meeting is just that. A meeting. Like you've made a new acquaintance and your trying to see if you want to get to know them more. So for me, I'd say that meeting someone for the first time is no big deal. You normally go for coffee/drinks and you can drink as fast or slow as you like so that you can bail if things are off. I believe romantic connections are formed later. The first meeting is literally to determine: connection, chemistry and attraction. Nothing more.

For I don't believe that I can fall in love with someone without meeting them. Others believe that they can. To each their own. So, that really determines how people navigate OL dating.

[Hollandia]

You can also do some online virtual dates and see how they go. Plan a night of watching a movie, playing a game or do some couples quizzes alone while skypeing and having some snacks and drinking some drinks... just have fun and see how it goes.

[MochaLatte]

I don't really think you should ask him "what's up" at this point because that's basically like asking an acquaintance how they feel about you. You guys don't know each other and he's trying to get to know you it seems. I'd ask him to meet again and if he jumps at it then good to go and if he's hesitant move on. Remember: you don't really know this guy either. Take your sweet time getting to know him.

I don't think you'd be dragging someone's heart through the mud after meeting them for the very first time. You shouldn't have that much invested in anyone after meeting them for the first time. That's a very counter-productive way to approach online dating.

Sometimes you don't connect with people that you meet romantically but they are still GREAT people and you want to be friends with them. If that happens I normally say "It was really great meeting you and I'd love to hang out as friends!" I don't lead people on and I make how I feel very clear.

I don't think it's practical to assume that everyone views dating the same way. I think when you meet someone from a dating website your first meeting is just that. A meeting. Like you've made a new acquaintance and your trying to see if you want to get to know them more. So for me, I'd say that meeting someone for the first time is no big deal. You normally go for coffee/drinks and you can drink as fast or slow as you like so that you can bail if things are off. I believe romantic connections are formed later. The first meeting is literally to determine: connection, chemistry and attraction. Nothing more.

For I don't believe that I can fall in love with someone without meeting them. Others believe that they can. To each their own. So, that really determines how people navigate OL dating.

Ohh, i see. I thought you meant something else. I misunderstood.

And your right. It's too soon be be asking prying questions like we're in a relationship or something. I just get very anxious when I don't have clarity. I need to know exactly whats going on because I'm so afraid of getting hurt. It's actually the trait that ruined my last relationship.

Okay, I'll try for a second date and take your advice. if he's hesitant I'll move on, if we do go and things turn out better well then, that would be great but if they're not then I think I'll have my answer. I pick something that's a little more up his alley.

Once again, thanks for all the advice. That's to everyone.

[differentcountries]

He's very hard to read like since our meeting, I thought it went so bad that i wasn't even going to contact him anymore. I thought I read him pretty well. But now he's texting me more than before and actually trying to hold a conversation. I don't get this guy. I think I'm just gonna ask him what's up but I don't know what to say???

I personally feel like i'm easy to read. It's easy to tell im interested. I was the one that finalized the plan to meet. I was the one that gave him my number. I was the one that tried hard to make conversation. Him on the other hand, is impossible to read. So wishy washy. Sure he initiated communication but he would take a day or even longer to replay through email. It took him a week to text me, but at least he did. He said he's interested in getting to know me but that's vague. How interested? a little? a lot?

He has increased contact and he says he is interested. What more do you need to know? It may not have been the best of dates but he liked something about you and it sounds as though you could see each other again. Take him somewhere more quiet next time, like dinner and a movie.

[Petals]

[QUOTE=MochaLatte;365175]
I personally feel like i'm easy to read. It's easy to tell im interested. I was the one that finalized the plan to meet. I was the one that gave him my number. I was the one that tried hard to make conversation. Him on the other hand, is impossible to read. So wishy washy. Sure he initiated communication but he would take a day or even longer to replay through email. It took him a week to text me, but at least he did. He said he's interested in getting to know me but that's vague. How interested? a little? a lot? Ugh, i can drive myself crazy with all my thoughts lol


And the second half. I don't think he's made plans for a second date because 1) we are long distance so it takes a lot of planning and 2) he's going to be busy with work when school starts up again (he's a teacher), and he's busy now preparing for it. So it's a little difficult to do so (not impossible, but hard).[/QUOTE




I think you are placing too much emphasis on his half-hearted attempts. He contacted you ONE whole week after meeting!! Does that scream deep interest to you!?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but you need to recognize that he's giving you crumbs and you are turning them into a main course.

You have been the one to initiate all the major moves and it's obvious you don't like to be in that position. Save yourself the trouble and move on. He has shown you who he is and you are not impressed so why stick around hoping that he is someone else? Do you like wishy washy? Nope as you said before...there's your answer

He's not hard to read... just not THAT interested to initiate anything to make sure that some other hot guy on the site doesn't snatch you away. When people are on dating sites and they meet someone they are really into, they try to make their interest clear so as to eliminate others; it's a numbers game. The rules are different from meeting someone in a forum etc where it starts off slow as friends and then realize that you really like each other.

Stop creating a puzzle for yourself because there isn't one. Think about what he has done to show you without a doubt that he is seriously interested in you...more importantly, how many boxes are ticked when you think about all that you really desire in a partner especially in the initial stages.

All the best

[TwoThree]

Interesting. Why would you continue talking to someone if you had no interest in them romantically?

Various reasons? You said he is shy and introverted, so maybe he doesn't have many friends and when he feels like talking, you are there.

In general, people like being listened to.