Meeting for the first time and getting married??!

[JaneEmily]

If he's 42, and rushing to get married and settled down etc. May I ask how old you are? It seems really worrying if this guy wants to just jump the bandwagon and wants to get married STRAIGHT AWAY - especially if you are younger than him. I would steer clear. You don't know if you can trust this man, especially as it's so early on. He hasn't even tried getting to know you properly yet, and he doesn't know if your "connection" will even be the same face to face and he's prepared to marry you without knowing any of these things. It just seems completely wrong and dodgy.

How did you even meet each other online, if I may ask? (I'm just asking as someone who knows how it is to be groomed online when I was 14 without even realising it until things started connecting dots I just thought he was another Arsenal FC fan until he started showing his odd tendencies and told me about his MSN account full of teenage girls which freaked me out - thankfully I never allowed myself to be in a position or went on cam for the guy and I blocked and deleted him as well as passing his details onto the authorities (the guy was much older than he had claimed) at the time so I'm very worried about your situation).

I would even advise not meeting up at all and if you DO still meet up, please...PLEASE take some family members or friends with you to be around you both at all times - I wouldn't trust him to be alone with you. Anything can happen.

Keep yourself safe and do not be alone with this guy please not until you know his true motives, please.

[TwoThree]

He wants to get married cause he wants to settle down and have kids. He's already 42. I don't think he's running from the law because he plans us to be based in the US. I'm just confused and I don't want to let him down cause he'll be flying for 12 hours and the cost of the tickets and the hotel. I agree I think it's a really bad idea if I push through with the wedding!

Alright, good that he's not a criminal.

I understand his hurry to settled down, but that still not justify getting married during the first visit. At 42, he is far from being on death's door, so he can afford to meet a few times and wait until you both feel you are ready.

Something I would find alarming, though, is that he seems to be anxious to get married and settle down... for the sake of getting married and settling down. It's almost like it doesn't matter to him what you are like as a person, and if the connection will still be there when you meet. Frankly it's like YOU don't matter, just marriage. Think carefully about that. You are both adult, and you both should know that marriage isn't a commitment that should be taken lightly. What does it say about him, that he wants it so quickly after "knowing" you for just a couple of months? Wouldn't you want a husband who chose you as a life partner because he saw all these amazing qualities in you and knows that you are a perfect match for him, instead of someone who wants to get hitched and picked the first available woman? (sorry, that's how it looks like from outside)

Also please don't consider the money and effort he's making to visit you. You can't "reward" stuff like that with marriage, it would be wrong. He is old enough to have some money aside, so it's not like he's going broke just to see you.

[p_b82]

As other's have said - be very careful.

Feel free to meet him, and let friends and/or family know where you are going to be and what you want them to do if you don't check in. Not saying the guy would do anything stupid, but better be on the safe side.

Personally, the request to marry as soon as he comes to visit after a few months only, says something is not right there. He might be a lovely man, and just wants to settle down, as he sayd, but I would wait it out and take your time.

I'd tell him right now, you do not plan to marry him on this trip, but he is welcome to come and visit you - if you have any expectations of how the visit will proceed then it would be wise to also mention them before he leaves so there can be no accusations of leading him on etc...

[differentcountries]

If he is anything like my boyfriend, he might just be very spontanious... He did tell me after two weeks he wants us to be together forever. And who knows, maybe we will be, but right now we are still learning about us as a couple. seriously... Dont marry the guy on your first date. Be sure it is more than him and you being happy, marriage is a big commitment, international marriage even more so, and you should get to know each other before considering to take the leap.

[snow]

If he is anything like my boyfriend, he might just be very spontanious... He did tell me after two weeks he wants us to be together forever. And who knows, maybe we will be, but right now we are still learning about us as a couple. seriously... Dont marry the guy on your first date. Be sure it is more than him and you being happy, marriage is a big commitment, international marriage even more so, and you should get to know each other before considering to take the leap.

There is a difference though between saying you want to be with someone forever and wanting to marry them on the first visit. I told my man from the beginning that I was hoping we would be together forever, but I would have never ever married him on the first visit and I would have been very wary if he suggested that.

[differentcountries]

There is a difference though between saying you want to be with someone forever and wanting to marry them on the first visit.

Is there? He did practically propose (but as we all know, it is hard to actually marry me). My point was, don't go forth on his impulsivity. I love my man for not thinking things through, I think it is quite charming, but that also means I sometimes have to think for the both of us.

[Redheart14]

We'll be meeting for the first time in October. I'm really feeling iffy about it cause you possibly can't marry someone you've known for a couple of months. Thanks for the advice!

If you feel that way then it's definitely telling you something.

[lyonsgirl]

Is there? He did practically propose (but as we all know, it is hard to actually marry me). My point was, don't go forth on his impulsivity. I love my man for not thinking things through, I think it is quite charming, but that also means I sometimes have to think for the both of us.

Yes. There is a huge difference. I told two of my exes that I wanted to be with them forever. Guess what? They're exes now. I'm married to a fantastic gentleman, and I'm so grateful I didn't end up staying with those idiots. Spontaneity, while it can be sweet, can also be reckless. No one should have to think for anyone else - unless it's a parent/child relationship - and even then, that is only for the first few years.

[Moon]

Yes. There is a huge difference. I told two of my exes that I wanted to be with them forever. Guess what? They're exes now. I'm married to a fantastic gentleman, and I'm so grateful I didn't end up staying with those idiots. Spontaneity, while it can be sweet, can also be reckless. No one should have to think for anyone else - unless it's a parent/child relationship - and even then, that is only for the first few years.

Agreed. I've said "forever" my fair share of times. Turns out that forever can be pretty damn short!
I could never be with anyone who couldn't do their own rational thinking, I already raised a child and I don't want another.

[snow]

Is there? He did practically propose (but as we all know, it is hard to actually marry me). My point was, don't go forth on his impulsivity. I love my man for not thinking things through, I think it is quite charming, but that also means I sometimes have to think for the both of us.

It's probably different to you as you said in a previous post that you see proposals much different than I do, but to me someone saying they want to be with me forever is not proposing. Proposing is actually asking if I want to be his wife and yes that includes wanting to be together forever.
And, it is not hard to marry you, but impossible, since you are already married. Neither Norway nor Turkey allow polygamy.

ON THE TOPIC:
We can only hope that it was his clumsy way of telling you that he really loves you and wants to be with you forever and he does not actually want to marry you on the first meeting in person! Though I have a friend who wanted to get spontaneously married to his then girlfriend while he was in America for the first time meeting in person. They broke up after he came back to Scotland, so I am really glad he didn't put himself in a more difficult situation by being compulsive.

Good on you for sticking to your values!

[Mims27]

It's probably different to you as you said in a previous post that you see proposals much different than I do, but to me someone saying they want to be with me forever is not proposing.

THIS!
In the four and half years my SO and I have been together, I told her a thousand+ times I wanted to be with her forever. But was it a proposal, no. I proposed 4 years in the our relationship. Not because I didn't want to marry her but because I wasn't ready. I think getting married on the first visit is crazy. You may think you know the person but knowing them online and in person are two very different things. As we've seen a few times on this site, it does happen that when people meet they SO the first time it just doesn't click or work out. Go meet him, get to know him...If he pressures you to get married, that should raise major red flags.