We met and now a proposal?

[rhabdoviridae]

Well it is up to me, but we want to respect my heritage. If he says no then I guess he won't walk me down the aisle; it will not stop me. Who I marry is up to me. I know that he wants to respect my father, but he won't let it stop him either.

You go girl

[Marmalade]

I know what I want, so I'm going to take it . I'm daddy's girl so he will turn around , but it looks like he is excited for him to get here. I don't know if it's to have a new sparring buddy or that he actually wants to meet him.

[Redheart14]

It's still very sweet he's going to ask your dad as he knows that's important to you.

[Marmalade]

He really wants both of our families to be fine with it, but I don't know if everybody will be. I told him when I met him that I don't take things lightly if you don't want a serious relationship then you'd better run far and if you do, you'd better ask my dad permission first
He Is my first boyfriend and even my first kiss so I think I was successful when I waited

[Hollandia]

It's a matter of honour and tradition and not permission. For me, my Dad has been gone a few years. I would have loved my SO to have asked my Dad before he proposed. I doubt my Dad could have afforded to fly over but it still would have meant so much to me. Since my Dad is gone, I asked his Dad to walk me down the aisle and again, it has nothing to do with him "giving me away" it is more about sentiment and tradition, family and respect.

I guess if you don't understand that, you can't really understand the meaning, but if you don't really care about permission imo, you would never even ask.

[Marmalade]

I agree

[CanGirl]

I hate to break into this whole asking your dad thing being "just tradition" but I would definitely want my SO to ask. I know my dad wouldn't say no. In cases that dad's do say no and you have a good relationship with your dad shouldn't you respect his opinion? He probably has a very good reason why he would say no. I don't think it's a good idea for him to ask your dad the first they meet. "Hey I'm bob and I love your daughter. Can I marry her". Seems a little over the top I have to say. Rushing things? From what I can tell you have a good relationship with your dad and if I was you and he said "no because..." I would respect his opinion and maybe give it another year until they knew each other better. I wouldn't let my kid marry someone I had just met. It would be weird. But maybe that's just my opinion.

[Marmalade]

First off, never said he'd ask first thing. Obviously he will wait until he feels like it's the right time. They have a month to get to know one another and if that isn't the right time then he won't. Secondly, my father loves me to death and I him and I never said I don't respect his opinion. I highly doubt my father would say no, but if he did I know he'd explain it to me. I know my father, so I know he would accept it and respect me for standing up for what I want in a way.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I hate to break into this whole asking your dad thing being "just tradition" but I would definitely want my SO to ask. I know my dad wouldn't say no. In cases that dad's do say no and you have a good relationship with your dad shouldn't you respect his opinion? He probably has a very good reason why he would say no. I don't think it's a good idea for him to ask your dad the first they meet. "Hey I'm bob and I love your daughter. Can I marry her". Seems a little over the top I have to say. Rushing things? From what I can tell you have a good relationship with your dad and if I was you and he said "no because..." I would respect his opinion and maybe give it another year until they knew each other better. I wouldn't let my kid marry someone I had just met. It would be weird. But maybe that's just my opinion.

Respecting your dad's (or anyone's) opinion doesn't mean doing what they say. It's perfectly possible to take something like your dad saying no to your boyfriend asking to marry you, thinking about it and considering his view, and subsequently disregarding it because it's not the right answer for your life and situation.

Also, once someone's 'kid' is an adult, "letting" them marry isn't really the parents' option or decision.

[Lilly9886]

I know it won't matter to you or change your opinion, but I would like to politely point out that IF I were your dad and the boyfriend of my 18-year-old daughter would ask me for permission, I would say no and with a good reason. You are too young, you are only together for 2 years AND most importantly, you only met ONCE!!

I really don't know what you are stressing about with being engaged or getting married! You say your friends rush into marriages, but in my opinion you are not much different. You may be together longer but how much time did you really spend together in person?

You say you want to go study there! Do that, it has nothing to do with marriage! You also say you have a full scholarship for college/university in the US, why would you give that up?

Just think about it longer, you are young, don't rush anything! Good luck!

[differentcountries]

If her parents are concervative, they might want her to marry young, if the alternative is her living in sin with her boyfriend.

[CanGirl]

If her parents are conservative, they might want her to marry young, if the alternative is her living in sin with her boyfriend.

What do you mean sin? "Oh we can't get married so we are going to atleast move in together and sleep together every night"? She's 18. I know the law says shes an adult but she barely has any life experience. Sorry but you need to to get off your high horse. She's 18 for crying outloud. no kid of mine would ever get married at 18. It seems rather ridiculous and like Lilly9886 kindly pointed out why would she give up a scholarship?? I don't understand why you are encouraging her to give up everything just to go live with someone she doesn't really know DC. Because talking and skyping with someone then meeting him once is WAY different than marriage!

[snow_girl]

This is why divorce rates are so high.

[Marmalade]

I know it won't matter to you or change your opinion, but I would like to politely point out that IF I were your dad and the boyfriend of my 18-year-old daughter would ask me for permission, I would say no and with a good reason. You are too young, you are only together for 2 years AND most importantly, you only met ONCE!!

I really don't know what you are stressing about with being engaged or getting married! You say your friends rush into marriages, but in my opinion you are not much different. You may be together longer but how much time did you really spend together in person?

You say you want to go study there! Do that, it has nothing to do with marriage! You also say you have a full scholarship for college/university in the US, why would you give that up?

Just think about it longer, you are young, don't rush anything! Good luck!

Thank you, yes I'm aware I'm rushing. We spent 15 days together and he is coming here for a month. The reason I am stressing is because I'd like to close the distance and it's the only reason I'd consider taking out loans. He won't let me and he keeps me calm, so we will see in a few months and I will let everyone know how my father feels.

[Marmalade]

What do you mean sin? "Oh we can't get married so we are going to atleast move in together and sleep together every night"? She's 18. I know the law says shes an adult but she barely has any life experience. Sorry but you need to to get off your high horse. She's 18 for crying outloud. no kid of mine would ever get married at 18. It seems rather ridiculous and like Lilly9886 kindly pointed out why would she give up a scholarship?? I don't understand why you are encouraging her to give up everything just to go live with someone she doesn't really know DC. Because talking and skyping with someone then meeting him once is WAY different than marriage!

You know nothing of my life and my experiences, but yes I don't have much life experience given that I am young compared to the older adults. I don't want to live in sin and I will not throw away my virginity so it is not an option to be discussed. We can live in the same house and share a bed, but we will not do more than sleeping. Yes, it is different and I do appreciate your concern. This month together is obviously to get to know one another more. There is still a lot to learn, but thank god an engagement can last as long as I want it to right? It's just thoughts about maybe closing the distance in a year, but it's up to me.