The first nerve wracking meeting back in June

[MetalMama2310]

Good evening all!

I thought ild post what happened on my first meeting of my Dutch boyfriend Casper back in June 2014. We had met via Facebook when I posted on a mutual friends post and have not stopped talking since. We swapped numbers etc and skyped then I found I could come visit him. Anyway I was wracked with nerves and felt sick, excited, scared, worried and self conscious. All types of things going through my head but once we were alone in that hotel room, it took a matter of hours to be at ease. Hes my best friend, my lover, my soul mate and all everything. I have had my few boyfriends and all there was issues or stuff missing.

I have a 7 year old daughter and her dad was abusive. My ex was sweet and wouldn't hurt a fly but he had alot of issues including depression. Its only now I see how much I put up with and my mental and emotional health suffered when he was constantly telling me he didn't know if he loved me or not! Anyway in the midst of my depressed state of me thinking I was such a crap girlfriend and wondering if Ill ever meet my match.......he appeared. Straight forward, honest, so funny, calm and relaxed. We think alike, act alike and he is just AMAZING.

I flew to Amsterdam not far from where he lives and we had a hotel for the weekend. We saw Amsterdam central and shopped. We made sandwiches in the hotel room and laid for ages just talking and of course the physical side. It was amazing and I have never felt that happy before in my life with anyone. Our last day before my flight was us sharing a bath. As we washed each-other I suddenly realized I was in love with him. I was happy yet scared. After us both trying to not fall for each other it was too late! We have now been together 7 months ish and I've flown to his and met his family about 4 times now and he has flown to mine twice and met my family. I am glad to report both sides love the other half

So there you have it, I think I went on too much!

[Ahava]

Awwwwwwwww
How does he get on with your daughter?

Why are our soulmates/best friends/lovers scattered around the world and not closer to us :P

[MetalMama2310]

Awwwwwwwww
How does he get on with your daughter?

Why are our soulmates/best friends/lovers scattered around the world and not closer to us :P

They get on so well! He sees her as a little sister right now which I accept and love. It takes alot of courage to take on another mans child, even if that father was and still is stupidly useless!! i KNOW RIGHT ! I wish we lived closer but its worth the wait !

[Ahava]

Cool!
We both have kids so our wait is gonna a be a little longer than average, but totally worth it all the same.

[MetalMama2310]

Well my lil girl is not sure if she wants to move to Netherlands when I move, its a few years off yet, so my parents have told her if she decides to stay she will be living with them and going to school etc. I of course want her to come with but I wont ever force her to do or go anywhere she does not wanna go. Ive had conversations with her and made sure she is up to speed with us every step of the way. So far shes said she will live with grampy n nanny and come over for holiday etc hahaha shes a very smart girl, she said she would love to learn dutch and study in Netherlands when shes older bless her

[Ahava]

I think it is a little premature to be thinking of moving as your relationship is so young, but can you seriously even consider leaving her?
Why can't he move to you?
I don't mean to sound harsh or judgemental.
But I think either the guy can move or wait. He's a grown up. Your little girl needs her mum more than anything in the world!
She should come first.

[MetalMama2310]

I have had this from people and I ave always said she comes first hence why I made sure she made that decision. Its not even near happening so she has alot of time to figure it out. Ill never make her move if she said she wanted to stay here in the uk. Hes studying for another 2 years so he cant move at all. I always asked people to not judge but it didnt stop so many people not even bothering to ask me questions or anything and just jumped into being harsh and down right nasty. It may seem premature but we know we want to get married etc. Time stops for no one as they say. If she wishes to move with me then it also means I have to sort out legal stuff with her dad and he is a nasty man. He would stop at nothing to not let her go and be with me. That is also why it would be better for her to stay here in the UK, it would be her decision no one elses ! So I appreciate your concern but we have it all covered

[R&R]

What are you current custody arrangements with her dad? The only reason I ask, is if he has joint custody now, you may want to start researching early as to what he can do should you leave. Though your daughter may want to live with her grandparents, generally speaking, unless the other parent is seen as unfit, he could go for full custody instead of your parents getting physical custody should you choose to leave the country.

[MetalMama2310]

He hardly sees her. He does not have a stable job and is forever breaking up with his current girlfriend. I can also get his ex to vouch for his violent and emotionally manipulative tenancies. She would suffer if she had to live with him. I have done plenty of research and here in the UK its alot different. He can not testify that my parents are unfit to have her and he is better due to him not bothering OR paying any maintenance towards her. She would be in a very stable, loving and caring enviroment where as with him he never listens to her, supports her emotionally etc. Hes selfish, violent, emotionally abusive and his relationship and living arrangements are unstable. Like I said before I have done all the research I need.

[Ahava]

Could he consider moving after the two years when he has finished his studies?
And I'm sorry if I came of too harsh/"know it all", it wasn't my intention.

[MetalMama2310]

It all depends tbh. Know one knows the future but money wise and life style wise would be better in NL. I want her to move with us so badly but also depends if her dad would say yes easyly. He would fight even though he has been a shit dad all round just to make trouble. Its ok haha I didnt think u were bring like that I am so used to ppl not really asking much and like saying omg she cones first and making me out to be selfish. If she moved with me she wouldnt see her friends and every single family member she has here. Its a decision she will make

[MetalMama2310]

Also he has two other kids from his ex that he hardly bothers with. He struggled to have her and his other 2 for a few nights let alone her on his own haha

[Ahava]

Life would be so much easier and simpler without ex's!

[MetalMama2310]

Tell me about it :/ he wouldnt care if it was better for her. He would just be doing it to be nasty

[Petals]

I feel for people who have children and are caught between a rock and a hard place where LDR is concerned. However, leaving one's child so young is not a good idea even if she's making the decision. Young children are limited in completely seeing all the sides of a situation that adults who they rely on should be making...my mom left me at age 5 and even though I saw her on holidays and she tried to make up for her absence in every way, it took years for us to bond. It also created all sorts of emotional issues for me that took years to overcome.

It's your life, but maybe those you are quick to bash actually have a point. She will have an absent dad and an 'absent' mom. Not an emotionally healthy situation.

All the best