The first nerve wracking meeting back in June

[MetalMama2310]

By the time I even have the date to move she will be 10 years old. When and if I move without her itl only be til she is old enough in the eyes of the law to make the decison to move to NL Without her dad being able to say no. So I wont be absent much at all seeing as she will be with us 6 weeks in summer and all the other weeks she has off school etc. I will also be flying back to visit my family and her as well so i woild not be flying off and thats it. Itl be a min of like 2 years that itl be tjat way before she can then say yes I wanna move over to you or no I wanna stay.

[Petals]

By the time I even have the date to move she will be 10 years old. When and if I move without her itl only be til she is old enough in the eyes of the law to make the decison to move to NL Without her dad being able to say no. So I wont be absent much at all seeing as she will be with us 6 weeks in summer and all the other weeks she has off school etc. I will also be flying back to visit my family and her as well so i woild not be flying off and thats it. Itl be a min of like 2 years that itl be tjat way before she can then say yes I wanna move over to you or no I wanna stay.

I genuinely wish you the best...it surely can't be an easy decision.

Back to the topic of your thread - It's good that you had a good first meeting and your relationship is progressing well.

[MetalMama2310]

Thank you so much

[R&R]

He hardly sees her. He does not have a stable job and is forever breaking up with his current girlfriend. I can also get his ex to vouch for his violent and emotionally manipulative tenancies. She would suffer if she had to live with him. I have done plenty of research and here in the UK its alot different. He can not testify that my parents are unfit to have her and he is better due to him not bothering OR paying any maintenance towards her. She would be in a very stable, loving and caring enviroment where as with him he never listens to her, supports her emotionally etc. Hes selfish, violent, emotionally abusive and his relationship and living arrangements are unstable. Like I said before I have done all the research I need.

I was simply asking questions. We are all here to help and share advice and experiences.

As a parent who has done the move and the children had decided to stay with their dad, I've lived this. I can also tell you, I regretted it too. My daughters were in their early teens when I left. I had their full blessing. They were in a loving home with their dad and step-mom. However, after I left, their grades dropped and it was tough on all of us. I finally ended up moving back and getting a divorce because I couldn't stand being away from them and missing out on their daily lives. Phone calls, texting and Skype just don't cut it. Until you're gone and you truly aren't with them all the time, you have NO IDEA what it's like. When they are crying and want nothing but their mom but you are 3,000 miles away and can't get to them...it sucks and it's heartbreaking. My ex-husband that I moved to marry is a wonderful man and was a great husband but being away from my kids was too much.

And recently, over 6 years after I moved back, while discussing her possibly moving, my youngest throws at me "Well, you left us to move to California, so I guess it works both ways". Even if they are okay with it, don't underestimate the effect it can have on them.

I wish you the best and hope it works out for all of you.

[Unicorn26]

I'm so happy for you that your relationship is going really well!! I share your frustrations, why is it that our soul mates are so far away??? It sucks!!!

I too have children, two girls age 6 and 10. I can honestly say I could not ever leave them, despite being head over heels with my SO. You say you will wait until your daughter is a little older but, there is no way my 10 year old could cope without me, nor could she cope being away from her dad (even though he's the worlds biggest f**ktard, he's her dad she loves him). My SO totally gets this and LUCKILY has no kids so he can move here eventually but I've always said once they're grown adults then where I live is up to me. If that's what it took I would wait that long to close the distance with my SO. Until then though, it's my job to be their mummy.

I have a great support network in place with my family but a child (especially a girl) really does need her mummy. Please don't think I'm judging you because I'm not, I am a very open minded individual and no one knows your situation fully except you. I just want you to be extra specially sure you're doing the right thing for all if you. You may find that you miss her terribly, that could impact big time on your relationship. I had a high school friend that left her 12 year old daughter back here in UK when she met a man online fell in love with him and went to live in USA with him. Their relationship totally broke down and her child now has serious abandonment issues and is always in trouble with the police. My friend beats herself up about this all the time and deeply regrets the hurt she caused her daughter.

One thing that raised a little red flag with me was that your bf sees himself as her big brother.... He should be seeing himself as her daddy, not her brother. It just made me think that he may not be mature enough it cope with the very real issues you may well have being away from your baby girl. Don't underestimate the maternal bond, it's the strongest emotion there is. I can't help but feel once the honeymoon period has worn off you're gonna miss your little girl and all those wonderful experiences that come from being a parent, really badly..

Having said all this, every kid is an individual and no one knows her better than you, her mummy. I wish you all the best in your relationship with your bf AND your little daughter. I hope it all works out well, for all of you.

[Ahava]

I'm so happy for you that your relationship is going really well!! I share your frustrations, why is it that our soul mates are so far away??? It sucks!!!

I too have children, two girls age 6 and 10. I can honestly say I could not ever leave them, despite being head over heels with my SO. You say you will wait until your daughter is a little older but, there is no way my 10 year old could cope without me, nor could she cope being away from her dad (even though he's the worlds biggest f**ktard, he's her dad she loves him). My SO totally gets this and LUCKILY has no kids so he can move here eventually but I've always said once they're grown adults then where I live is up to me. If that's what it took I would wait that long to close the distance with my SO. Until then though, it's my job to be their mummy.

Your daughters are the same age as mine. My youngest is just turning seven.
That's exactly our situation, both of us have kids so neither of us will be moving soon.
And if my SO was considering moving to me and leaving his son, I wouldn't have him & couldn't let him do that and like wise.
Because he is such a great dad is one of the reasons I love him.

[MetalMama2310]

I agree with everything but the big brother part. He is not her dad. She knows he is not her dad and looks up to him as a positive role figure not a replacement father. I will never make him see her as his daughter so his thouts and feelings are up to him. If in time he then says "I see her as my daughter" then great! They get on and they both really like eachother so to then try to make him or her see eachother as daddy/daughter is not right. Cheers to everyone but I am ending this thread as the replys seem to be duplicating and saying the same things haha. Your right though....Me and me alone know my daughter and again know one knows the future.

Blessings

[Ahava]

This is actually a topic that concerns many of the community members and new ones to come, so I think it is a good thing to discuss about even in general.