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    #1

    How Long Is Too Long?

    Hey! I was just wondering how long the wait should be to meet your S/O's parents and/or family?

    I have been with my S/O for over 5 and 1/2 years, and we have a son (Laith) together who is 1. He is a student here in Canada, and we live together but goes back home to the Middle East for 2-3 months at a time each year to visit his family. I'm glad he goes back to see them but sometimes I wonder if they even know about me or our son? My S/O is a very private person so I am used to how he is and that's never been a problem, but now with a son I feel like it's wrong for us not to meet his family, or for him to keep Laith from them. Does it seem odd that it has been so long without meeting? They do live across the world, and it can be expensive to travel. (His family does not have a lot of money, nor do we so I have kind of been using that as a valid reason as to why it hasn't happened yet.) I've already tried to talk to him multiple times but because of his personality and how closed off he can be when it comes to personal issues, it usually gets put off or he becomes uncomfortable and then moody. I know he's probably afraid of what his parents will think or something similar but at 27 years of age, I think he's old enough to be a man. Thoughts?
    Last edited by JennaSP; October 28, 2015, 08:44 PM.
    Tags: family, meet the parents, parents
    #2
    You two should at least plan to meet his parents. Yes, I can see why he would be scared of his parents' opinion, but at the same time, I feel like keeping a grandchild from them is not in their best interest either. After 5 and a half years, you should have at least skyped with them or exchanged cards for the holidays.. something!

    Relationship began: 05/22/2012
    First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
    Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
    Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
    Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
    Married: 1/24/2015
    Became Resident: 9/14/2015

    Comment

      #3
      The fact that you're not even sure if he's told his family about you or your son together is really fishy to me. Yes, travel is expensive and cultural barriers can be big issues. But Snow is right, there should have been some kind of contact made. The longer he waits to tell them, the worse his family will probably react.

      Comment

        #4
        Wow, I would never be remotely OK with this. Also, If I had a baby to take care of, there's no way my SO would be traveling for 2 - 3 months at a time, absolutely not, he's got responsibilities he needs to deal with; how incredibly selfish and unfair to you that is, that's just ridiculous, I have to say.

        If it were me, I'd start putting the pressure on him, really make a pain in the ass out of yourself, until you know that his family at least knows about your son. I mean, how long exactly is he planning on keeping you both secret? Forever? If you're planning on a life with this man, he's got to make you part of his family at some point, and you deserve that. Don't put up with this anymore, it is not normal. What do you think is going to happen when he graduates?
        Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

        Comment

          #5
          I am just curious… Are you sure it's his parents he's going to go see? He is gone during summer break??? Is he maybe in an arranged situation back home?.
          I can't even begin to be understand how he wouldn't even skype or anything with you and a baby 5 years... Damn.

          Comment

            #6
            I've been with my boyfriend a year and I met his parents on my first trip 4 month's after we started dating. I'd be concerned if I hadn't met them over my second trip. I agree with what other posters have said. Be careful but stop letting him put off the subject.
            Engaged Dec 2015!! Visa approved June 2016 . Married July 18th 2016 <3

            Home is where the heart is and my home will always be with my love.
            All the way from England to the USA.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Moon View Post
              Wow, I would never be remotely OK with this. Also, If I had a baby to take care of, there's no way my SO would be traveling for 2 - 3 months at a time, absolutely not, he's got responsibilities he needs to deal with; how incredibly selfish and unfair to you that is, that's just ridiculous, I have to say.

              If it were me, I'd start putting the pressure on him, really make a pain in the ass out of yourself, until you know that his family at least knows about your son. I mean, how long exactly is he planning on keeping you both secret? Forever? If you're planning on a life with this man, he's got to make you part of his family at some point, and you deserve that. Don't put up with this anymore, it is not normal. What do you think is going to happen when he graduates?
              We have already started the process of keeping him here permanently. I know for a fact that he hates going back to his own country, he only does it for his mother. They can't justify spending that amount of money (usually $2000) For him just to go back over for 2 weeks, that's why he stays so long. But I can tell now from all of the responses that something's definitely off and I need to put pressure on him.
              Last edited by JennaSP; October 29, 2015, 08:41 AM.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by sasad View Post
                I am just curious… Are you sure it's his parents he's going to go see? He is gone during summer break??? Is he maybe in an arranged situation back home?.
                I can't even begin to be understand how he wouldn't even skype or anything with you and a baby 5 years... Damn.
                yes, I'm sure haha. I have seen a few pictures of his siblings but that's about it. He is not the type to be in an arranged marriage, and he would definitely stand up for himself if they tried to pressure him into one. And we have skyped while he was home, but it was just him. With the time difference it would usually be when he was just going to bed. He usually goes around the winter holidays to avoid the canadian winter lol

                Comment

                  #9
                  I think you should have a serious talk with him on that subject. It sounds very awkward that you're in a relationship for so long, you even have a son and you still haven't met them!

                  I met my S/O parents few days before we started dating.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I met my SO's family after 3 months. I was in a relationship with an ex for a year who never introduced me to her family in the year that we were together. I was a secret. That didn't work for me.

                    I'm not going to tell you what you should do. Only you can figure out what is right for you. Trust your intuition. If you feel that something isn't right about not meeting his family, then something isn't right. Personally, I wouldn't be okay with not meeting a person's family for so long. I would think that my SO was keeping me a secret.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      My parents know about my SO, it became pretty obvious after about a month that I needed to tell my parents ASAP because they're the overprotective type that might've freaked out if I hadn't told them early on. My SO told his parents on day one about us, and they were okay. But to go 5 and a bit years AND to have a child with you, yet never meet his parents? That's.... odd to say the least.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        It is ver y strange that you have not met his family if you have dated for years and you are the mother of their grandhild.

                        Do you anything about his backround? What is his views on marriage?

                        My SO is from the Middle East, from a remote part of Turkey. I met his family after 6 months, and I have met his cousins several times when they have travelled. To me, it spoke tons that he wants to share his family with me. The reason he is upset these days is because he needs to marry me in the eyes of his family and we still need to figure out how to do that, which is a dilemma-but at least it means he is taking it seriously. It would have been very easy for him to just keep me a secret had he wanted to.
                        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by differentcountries View Post

                          My SO is from the Middle East, from a remote part of Turkey. I met his family after 6 months, and I have met his cousins several times when they have travelled. To me, it spoke tons that he wants to share his family with me. The reason he is upset these days is because he needs to marry me in the eyes of his family and we still need to figure out how to do that, which is a dilemma-but at least it means he is taking it seriously.
                          Off topic... But is he Muslim? I know church and state are separate, but how would that work to get married ?

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by sasad View Post
                            Off topic... But is he Muslim? I know church and state are separate, but how would that work to get married ?
                            Yes, he is Muslim. Muslim men are allowed to marry anyone, but Muslim women are only allowed to marry Muslim men. So it's not a problem to get married. Ideally they'd probably want a conversion to happen but it's not necessary.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Originally posted by JennaSP View Post
                              Yes, he is Muslim. Muslim men are allowed to marry anyone, but Muslim women are only allowed to marry Muslim men. So it's not a problem to get married. Ideally they'd probably want a conversion to happen but it's not necessary.
                              The problem is that differentcountries is already married.

                              Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                              First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                              Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                              Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                              Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                              Married: 1/24/2015
                              Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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