My visit to Canada

[tim260]

I've not posted long topics on here before but today, a day after coming home from my first visit to my girlfriend I am writing one!
I would just like to share my story with all of you and also a few things we ran in to during this crazy adventure.

Let me introduce myself first. I am Tim, a 20 year old male from the Netherlands. I work in a grocery store and at a webshop full-time.
5 months ago I met the sweetest, most amazing girl ever online, she is 18 years old (soon to be 19) and from Quebec, Canada. We clicked right away and unlike other couples on here who have 2 days a week to talk we spent every single day from that day until my visit video chatting and talking for hours every day. After a week or 2 I started making concrete plans to visit even though I already talked about visiting the second day I met her, which might be a bit crazy but for us nothing felt rushed.

I don't know if anyone of you have had this before but the first thing we saw when we both went on here was all the stories about couples breaking up and discouraging messages about LDRs sometimes. This made me have a lot of worries, for example I remember my girlfriend telling me about a topic where it said "The chemistry you have online might not be there in person".
My advice to people reading these kinds of things and basing their decision of whether they should visit their SO or not on that is: Ignore it, take the opportunity if it's there.
I told myself even if it doesn't work out (while I was pretty confident it would) I should just visit the country anyway cause it'll be an adventure on it's own to visit a new continent. But most of all I think that there's thousands of LDR couples who don't write about their good stories and a lot that do write about their bad experiences. That the chemistry might not be the same for some couples doesn't mean it isn't for you! For me and my girlfriend the chemistry was even better in person!

Our first meet in the airport wasn't as beautiful as some people imagine it to be, which is completely normal! We were both so over run by emotions that we didn't speak much on the bus ride to where I was staying. But when I dropped my stuff off things started going in the right direction and I must say this has been the most beautiful month of my life. The worst part is by far saying goodbye, I had been trying to prepare myself for it, I'm usually not a guy who cries easily so I told my girlfriend that if I don't cry it doesn't mean I don't feel anything. The day I had to go I took my suitcase to her house and as soon as I came in I felt my stomach going crazy.

How did the other couples on here handle the leaving part? Did you have a real hard time saying goodbye and does it get less emotional after multiple visits?
Me and my girlfriend were absolutely devastated and couldn't even get a word out of our mouths without bawling our eyes out. I could barely say "I love you" when I left. I was just wondering how you guys got through the days/weeks after.

Let me know how your chemistry was in person compared to your online conversations!

[sasad]

Hmmmm. You must have been reading a negative thread...
We all ne d to be concerned meeting anyone for the first time in real love fe, and yes, there is a chance there might not be that special chemistry. That is reality. That is life. We say you should be prepared in case that happens, and it does, to have another plan in place. You plan for other stuff. It's planning. Don't stress about it, but plan.
Some of us have met before going into a ldr and others have yet to meet. So there are a bunch of differences as well as many topics with how people cope. You learn how to deal and grow with it. You just don't let it become obsessive and take over your life.

I hate when my so leaves. Is it still hard? Yes..is it better? Yes, because we are going to be CD soon and that makes it bearable. We also have lives outside each other. That makes it bearable too,

[MissingMyDutchLove]

When you read things on here, keep in mind that some posts deserve a more "harsh" outlook on LDRs than others. For instance, if someone said they had never met and are moving to be with them I would absolutely have a negative post because just like you said "the chemistry you have online might not be there in real life". Regardless of the chemistry, visits are essential for discovering the whole picture of a person. With that being said, I would never tell you not to visit a SO that you hadn't met before because of the above reason. How will you ever know unless you try?

I am very glad that you ended up going and that everything ended up great for you! There are plenty of us on here that have amazing LDR love stories, but with that love also comes dark times and that is when we tend to reach out to others on here that can understand what we are going through. However, we would never have those dark times if we didn't have love worth fighting for in the first place. You're right though, I think sometimes we should be a little more upbeat!


As far as leaving goes: it never gets easier. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear, but it always feels like a break up. You are ripped apart from the person you love and that's awful. When you do it many times, it does get easier to shut those emotions off to a certain standpoint, but you will always feel that pain. Just remember it's a good thing! It means that you had a great visit and that you two have found something special!

[kittyxuchiha11]

I remember reading on a post once that it always seems to be worse for the person who's country is visited as they have to go home and live with all the memories of them and their loved one being together and happy. I've visited my SO once so far and she was completely devastated at the airport like she is known for being a very tough girl who doesn't show her emotions ever and she full on burst into tears and didn't want to let me go through security haha. I didn't really get emotional but I think that's just the sort of person i am. I mean sure i teared up a little but it was only because she was crying i was just sort of laughing and trying to pry myself away fro m her while thinking about how she must really love me to be so upset to see me go. Even when i went to go visit my ex i wasn't upset at the airport i think stuff just takes a lot longer to hit me. To be fair, we've been apart for 2 weeks now and i did spend the whole day yesterday reading a book about a girl who was in a ldr and crying my eyes out at it. That's the flood of emotions hitting me right there (although im sick so i'm totally just gonna pretend i wasn't crying and my eyes were just watering a lot :P)

[R&R]

I have to disagree with MissingMyDutchLove (which happens extremely rarely!!) as I find it does get easier as time goes by. I remember after the first visit, I was really upset because the visit was so quick and we didn't have plans for another visit right away. After that time, each time was easier for me. Not because I loved him any less or wasn't going to miss him but because I came to terms with this is our reality for now and I know it's not the last time we'll see each other. I don't cry when we part. I don't spend the last couple of days or night before the trip is over being upset. And each time it is easier for me to get back into the rhythm of my life at home.

[xxcazaxx]

Since we have been in an ldr, I have only met my other half once and the leaving part was so hard. I guess it is lucky that at the airport in Delhi only people who are flying are allowed in, otherwise I could imagine that I would have never wanted to go through security. He said that he waited at the window for a while and said that the hardest thing that he had found about it was seeing me wipe a tear away when I was inside. The first week or so after I came home I felt awful, I felt like I had lost part of me. I am lucky that we can message every day.

[QueenD]

In my 7 months of following this site, I've observed that there's a wide variance in whether people feel it gets easier or harder to leave after visits.

For me, I am finding that it seems it's getting easier. My SO and I started our relationship around Christmas 2015. We have had 4 visits since then - a couple longer than a week and a couple that were shorter. I visited him for over a week in Feb and April, and he came to my city for a few days in June and July. During his visits here, I had to share him with his parents, who also live here.

I think it's getting a bit easier to deal with partings, for a few reasons. First, we are growing closer in general, so I don't have those questions about whether another visit will happen/whether we will be together as much anymore. The other thing is that we are getting better about planning ahead. Our typical objective is that we don't end a visit without knowing approximately when the next visit will be.

The most universal thing I read on these boards, and that I have definitely experienced personally, is a sense of grumpiness or even some depression after visits are done. I find that I'm usually a bit off for anywhere from a 3 days to a week or so after a visit. Once I settle back into my work routine, I'm fine though. This is totally normal, and best combated by making plans with friends or other good plans of your own for right after the visit is through.

Another common thing is that couples domes get a little snippy with each other before or after visits. I believe this is because visit cause stress for both the traveler and the host. Visits are usually very positive, but they are a disruption to normal routines which is always a stressor.

[ThePhoenixRises]

I found that I was a lot more upset when he left me - as all of the memories were in my surroundings, my house, my town, everything and I felt really sad for a couple of days. For our last visit, I was with him in his country for a month and I know that he also found it difficult because I had been in his flat, car, gym, local restaurants, just everywhere. It usually takes a couple of weeks for me to fall back into a normal routine. We both have our own lives, friends, families and interests, and we don't mope around sadly. It is strange to go back to Skype after being with them in real life, and for me it is difficult but then you adapt to it again Human beings have an amazing ability to adapt to many situations.

When I left him, I was sad (obviously I missed him!) but I had to go through a 22 hour flight and by the time I got home I was so exhausted that I didn't have the energy to even think about much. But please know that it is absolutely normal to feel sad and miss them I think it would be strange if you didn't (no offence to anyone who says they are used to it and that they aren't sad when they finish a visit - this is just my perspective only). But I don't think it is abnormal to be sad about it - you are separated from a wonderful person and that is not the best feeling!

To be honest, I agree with MMDL - I don't think it gets easier. The more time we spend together, the more we learn about each other. My feelings for him get stronger with each visit. I can't imagine finishing a visit and coming back home and not feeling upset at all. For me, the feelings of missing and sadness that we both experience when we finish a visit make us both realise how strong our connection is and how much we love each other. But we don't focus on the negative. Yes - it is hard. But with each day it is closer to the next visit. When we talk after a visit, we reminisce about the fun we have had and we plan for our future. As long as we are looking forward, and not backward, we are both okay

In saying this, it is very important for me that I know when our next visit is. So when we are on a visit, we sit and plan the next one. Australia - Europe is no small distance, and we both work full time, but right now we have our next three visits planned (and flights for the next two are already booked). It makes it much easier for us to have a date for our next visit, makes the pain of parting from each other that little bit easier.

I know that there isn't much that anyone can say to make you feel better when you are missing your SO - but just know that a lot of us understand very well all of the feelings that go with a LDR - the happy ones, the sad ones, the frustrating ones....but in the end, if you love them, it is absolutely worth it for those wonderful moments that you have when you are physically together on a visit

With regards to the saying goodbye, try not to think about it during the visit. I know this is easier said than done....but when those thoughts start to come into your mind (towards the last few days of a visit) - try to push them out. Instead, do something fun with your SO. Hug them as many times as you can Plan something fun for the last day or so of your visit (on my last weekend with my partner - we went to a funpark with his daughter - so we were going on rides etc - it is a great way to push the sad thoughts out!). Yes the goodbye on the last day is going to be horrible - but try not to waste time being sad for the last part of the visit. Just enjoy every little minute with your SO and take nothing for granted