Longer Visit advice?

[QueenD]

Hi all!

In a few weeks, I will be going to South Carolina to visit my SO again. This will be our 5th meeting since we stated our relationship in person, and it will be the longest at 17 days. Previously, I visited for 8-9 days in February, about the same amount in April, and then he was here for a couple days in June and a couple in July.

I proposed a longer visit because plane tix can get expensive and since I'm able to work remotely sometimes, I can take longer visits. At first, J said "wow, that sounds like a long time." my response to that was to ask him how long it takes before he gets sick of having me around. He said he has never felt that way, so I said that I thought a longer visit might be good because maybe we will get annoyed with each other and we need to figure out how we will deal with that. he agreed that's a good idea if we want to see whether this relationship could be permanent. I'm also hoping to spend time learning his city better so I can figure out whether it's feasible to move there from a professional and a personal perspective. During my visits we will be taking a short vacation (4 nights, one of which to meet my best friend and three to visit Charleston for fun.)

My question is this: what advice do you have to make this visit a really positive experience? I know many of you have had longer visits with your SOs so I'm interested in any suggestions!

Thanks!
D

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Based on what you said about working remotely, I'm assuming that both of you will be busy with your own things. That's good! To me, the hardest part of long visits is if you go from being apart to being together 24-7. That's fine for a short amount of time, but it tends to get old fast if you are together like that for over two weeks. Over the years, I have learned that we both need our own space, especially in the first week or so and that we actually prefer when we both are busy doing various things during our visit. So from that standpoint, I would say a way to make sure it's positive is to make sure you have your own life during this time too. That can be hard when it isn't your city and you don't know anyone/many people, but it sounds like you'll be exploring the city and working, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Other than that, I would say just do what you normally do to have a successful visit. You two know what works for you and that same thing will still work for a longer period.

[QueenD]

MissingMyDutchLove, thanks so much for your comments. it's certainly possible I am worrying unnecessarily.

We will be spending the first four days or so on a mini vacation. After that, we will both be working every day. There are several fun activities we have planned together for some days after work, and we will be attending a wedding. I am trying to figure out a work our schedule for myself (he is not a gym rat at all) and also I know that we will benefit from having a few nights where we just do our own thing for at least a couple of hours.

One thing that is a big priority for us on this trip is to try and get a feel for how our day to day lives might look together as a close distance couple. Its really easy to go fully into vacation mode on a visit to him, even if I'm working, but that's not as constructive. When we discussed this longer visit, one thing J expressed concern about is the fact that he can't put his real life on hold for 2.5 weeks easily, but he doesn't want to feel like a bad host. I told him that I expect it will be way easier to sustain some evenings where he has to work late or wants to see his friends if I come for a longer period than it would be if I was only there a few days. So part of the plan is to just adjust and adapt to real life.

[sasad]

Oh gosh..,.Adam and I did that.. He came for a visit and ended up staying for 4 weeks. Lol.. He also can work anywhere he has inet. I have to go to work everyday...
Please make and have personal space. You need time to walk, shop whatever...alone. Trust me. It makes things so much better when you keep a part of you, while creating the "us".
Adam will take walks alone some days, I will go to the gym others. We also have dinner together and nights are ours . You will find your rhythm after that week or so of politeness!

[QueenD]

Oh gosh..,.Adam and I did that.. He came for a visit and ended up staying for 4 weeks. Lol.. He also can work anywhere he has inet. I have to go to work everyday...
Please make and have personal space. You need time to walk, shop whatever...alone. Trust me. It makes things so much better when you keep a part of you, while creating the "us".
Adam will take walks alone some days, I will go to the gym others. We also have dinner together and nights are ours . You will find your rhythm after that week or so of politeness!

Sasad, thanks so much for your input. I think we are both on board with creating some personal space so the trick will be how to organize it. One thing that is both good and bad is that he works Sunday to Thursday and I work Monday to Friday. That is nice in that it gives each of us a built in day to do some things we like without worrying that the other will be upset that we aren't spending time together. My big concern is whether it will be enough. We've both lived alone for approximately a million years so we have way more "me" time in normal life than during visits. I know that I am always a bit exhausted and discombobulated after I get home!

[sasad]

Sasad, thanks so much for your input. I think we are both on board with creating some personal space so the trick will be how to organize it. One thing that is both good and bad is that he works Sunday to Thursday and I work Monday to Friday. That is nice in that it gives each of us a built in day to do some things we like without worrying that the other will be upset that we aren't spending time together. My big concern is whether it will be enough. We've both lived alone for approximately a million years so we have way more "me" time in normal life than during visits. I know that I am always a bit exhausted and discombobulated after I get home!

Hah. Yea.. He was a confirmed bachelor. I have a child so we were kind of on opposite ends. I was out a lot and he was pretty much a hermit .... So we tried a week and pretty much talked about space etc. he stays for a month at a time now, so we have adjusted nicely. You will be fine. Just be yourself and try not (it's hard) to be in guest mode.