We finally met in real life..Now I'm heartbroken

[Silvaria]

Aww...I'm very, very sorry this happened. Something similar happened to me many years ago, and yes, it was very heartbreaking.

But you know what? I don't give a rat's behind about him anymore. I moved on, and found someone who loves me for -exactly- as I am, and now that guy in the past seems like a total jerk to me!!

Please, for your own sake, stop contacting him. You are only giving him more chances to reject you. Your begging him to stop ignoring you will not make him suddenly say, "Oh, wow, OK...you're right, I totally love you!" I'm sorry, sweetie...but you know deep down inside that it's not going to happen.

Go no contact completely...and allow yourself to grieve. Come here for support, we've all been in your shoes, and we've all survived. As someone else said, stay busy with friends, family, and hobbies...when you find yourself thinking about him, choose to think about something pleasant, instead. I promise you from experience that with time, you will find yourself thinking about him less and less, and one day you'll wake up and start your day and realize you've not thought about him at all for hours.

You deserve better. *Hug*

[ChibiFelicia]

im so sorry this has happened to you! i agree with the above posters, sounds like hes jerking you around. You deserve better!

[Rugger]

Oh Honey, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.

I'll be submitting my application to the mob we seem to have forming in this thread to go beat him up.

I would give him a few days. Don't call him, don't text him, don't contact him at all. Let him come to you. Compose yourself. Maybe write down what you want to say to him about this whole thing. Meeting for the first time can put a lot of pressure on a relationship especially when you have such high expectations. He's someone who you say you love, you should be able to express your feelings to him.

Honestly, in my personal opinion, I think he's being a shallow jerk

[Malaga]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hate when people think being honest gives them an excuse to be cruel.

Something like that happened to me too. I was head over heels for this guy (close distance). Crazy about him for some reason. He knew very well that I liked him. We'd spend hours every day talking on the phone, flirting heavily. He even took me out on a few 'dates', everything about it seemed like a date except he never kissed me. I even snook out of the house one night and went to his place because he invited me for a sleepover. How stupid of me. He didn't even take advantage of me, it was literally a sleepover. So humiliating. What a power kick it must've been for him.

This went on for a couple of months and then I confronted him. He apologized. Said he knew it wasn't fair that he was leading me on, but he enjoyed the feeling that someone like me was into him so much. He said I was a nice girl but I wasn't what he was looking for. He knew this from the start. He even went so far to list me my physical flaws that he couldn't be attracted to. What a bitter pill to swallow. It was so unbelievably hard to take at the time. But now? I laugh at the thought of that creep. I can't find a single reason why I liked him so much. Everything about him was so immature and ridiculous.

Try to look at it this way. He showed his true colours relatively early on. I know it's hard to take that the guy you're in love with is a douche and that he could say something like that after everything, but at least you can move on with no regrets. Don't talk to him anymore, the sooner you cut him off the better. Focus on yourself. There is someone much better waiting for you round the corner.

*hugs*

[LuvSsw]

- what he did was obviously unfair for you, because if he wanted to take things slow, he should have done it in the first place.

Thank you for this Laura_N. I know now...that I should have been the one to take it slow...regardless of how much I loved him. I should have put the brakes on when things got heavy. Love really can be blind can't it?

[snow_girl]

Thank you for this Laura_N. I know now...that I should have been the one to take it slow...regardless of how much I loved him. I should have put the brakes on when things got heavy. Love really can be blind can't it?

Hindsight is always 20/20, you had no idea what was going to happen at the time, as sucky as this is you can't dwell on what you should or shouldn't have done.

[LuvSsw]

*hugs*

Hope you do really feel better you're not a bad person because someone took advantages of your feeling stop feeling guilty, things happens...... take this as a life lesson..
*hugs*

Thank you uniquefem, It's so hard for me to digest that he actually took advantage of my feelings because before this I really believed that he would never hurt me..that he cared for me....that he was in love with me. I am trying..it's so damn hard. My every thought seems to be of him and I keep replaying moments and things he's said to me over and over in my mind. One thing is for sure...'LESSON LEARNED'

[rhomy]

OMG! I'm so sorry to hear this.
As someone said before, I can't offer advice about first meetings coz I haven't met my SO yet but I guess he behaved in a very inmature and selfish way.
He should have told you how he was feeling. And besides that, he said he wasn't enjoying the sex that much but a deep connection takes time. Almost always the first time you have sex with someone is not awesome, you need to get to know the other person and let them know you.
I think if he keeps acting this way you should think maybe he is not the person you thought he was... so luckily you found that out early in the relationship.

I hope things work out fine.
Big hug!!!

[LuvSsw]

Please, for your own sake, stop contacting him. You are only giving him more chances to reject you. Your begging him to stop ignoring you will not make him suddenly say, "Oh, wow, OK...you're right, I totally love you!" I'm sorry, sweetie...but you know deep down inside that it's not going to happen.

You deserve better. *Hug*

I know you are right. Just keep giving me this REAL TALK because it's what I need. It's like there are two me's..the one that still wants the fantasy..and the one that see's reality. I fluctuate between the two and it's been madness. My mission is to achieve balance in all areas of my life. Thank you so much Silvaria~

[Laura_N]

Thank you for this Laura_N. I know now...that I should have been the one to take it slow...regardless of how much I loved him. I should have put the brakes on when things got heavy. Love really can be blind can't it?

But you were/are in love with him and believed he was in love with you, too. He should have said something. It's definitely not your fault in my opinion. It sucks especially because you said you don't take these things with a light heart, so it was wrong from him to lead you on without saying something. But you will get over him, and there will come a time when you find someone who can offer you much better things.

[LuvSsw]

And besides that, he said he wasn't enjoying the sex that much but a deep connection takes time. Almost always the first time you have sex with someone is not awesome, you need to get to know the other person and let them know you.

rhomy i LOVE you for saying this. omg...I have been feeling so embarrassed since he said that . I mean this would be only the second person I've done this with and I felt like I was like..idk..substandard or something. I felt like I should have been this awesome Goddess and i just didn't deliver. It's been quite a blow to my self-esteem..but your comment is helping me see it a different way. Thank you.

[LuvSsw]

Thank you snow_girl. I tend to be very self critical and it helps when someone else paints a clearer picture.

[LuvSsw]

Anyone have anyadvice on what I should say to the friends and family members who are anxiously waiting for a report on my trip? Even my mom is like.." I want ALL the details..we can have lunch and talk..oh i can't wait to hear" I have been avoiding people because I know they want to hear about this and I am too embarrassed to reveal the truth.

[snow_girl]

You don't have to tell them everything. Tell them what you are comfortable with. Wether it is 'We just didn't seem to have that connection' or 'He turned out to be a dick and said that he wasn't in to me' Your friends and family care about you and will support you either way.

[Engel]

Ok, first of all, I am really sorry you are going through so much pain.

But, that is the reason I never (when I was single) let myself get emotionaly envolved with someone I never saw or spent time in person.

Now I am here in the forum I see many stories of people that already considered themselves a couple before meeting, and had their first meeting and all went amazing, got even more in love and all.

But how many stories ended up like yours? one or both parties didnt feel in person what they thought they would feel when they talked online? Many, I bet.

In my opinion, you never know if you are going to "fit" in real life if you never saw or spent time with each other face to face previously.
That said, it is not just sex, is the touch, the hug, a kiss on the cheek, everything, any or all of those options can scream "THAT IS IT!"or send red flags that say "uh-oh, is that it?!". How to have a better quality sex life comes with time, how to please your partner, how for your partner to better please you, but chemistry doesnt come with time, or it is there or it isnt.
And he should not have had sex with you on the first place if he felt the spark or whatever wasnt there. It wouldnt have been his fault, things like that do happen. I just dont agree at how he dealt with the situation, he wasnt mature enought to sit and talk with you about it. like "Hey, I love to talk with you, and I thought we would be a great couple, but, unfortunately, now we saw each other in person I realise things arent as I thought they would be, I dont feel like I thought I would. So if you can, I would love to remain being friends, if you feel you can, but that is it, I dont see us as a couple, now or in the future". Would it still hurt? yes. But it would be better than lying to you about how he felt (not saying he blunt out lied, but he says he wants each of you to live their own lives, but in an attempt of what i think is not to hurt you more, he gave you false hopes, with that talk about noone knows what the future may bring.) And I sometimes think people dont exactly need to answer some questions, silent can be an answer in a good or a bad way. When you look into someones eyes, be it your mother, grandma, or SO, and they are just so full of love, you dont need that person to say out loud "I love you". You know they do.
In his case, even though he didnt say the exact words, he said he hopes to feel like that about someone someday (someone, not you). We all want that in the end of the day, the ones that feel like that, wnat to remain feeling that and continue to being returned in their feelings, the ones that dont feel it, have hopes to find love someday.


I am truly sorry for you for going through that. But even though he handled things in the wrong way, it isnt your fault, or his fault for that matter that he doesnt feel about you the same way you feel about him.

I hope you find "The one" for you. really do! it just isnt him hun.


Cut off contact, at least for now, if in the future you can think of him as only a friend, and feel its wrothy it, you can talk again, but dont get your hopes high about a future as a couple.

but dont stop believing in love, just because it didnt work this time, it doesnt mean it wont work with someone else. If you ever meet someone online again, and think about giving LDR a shot, be sure to only truly open up to love after you meet and see both you and the guy feel the same way, that there is chemistry between both of you. So you will avoid getting hurt again in the case there isnt.


Dont send messages, being it text messages or voice mail saying you love him anymore, it will be no good.

Something Im not proud of, is when I was 18 I used to talk to this guy on my city everyday, he was my brothers private math teacher, and we had many many many things in common. to sum it up he had everything I could wish for in a boyfriend. But there wasnt chemistry on my side, there was on his, he wanted to ask my mother to be my boyfriend and hinted on wanting to marry me in the future for thinking I was the best girl he ever met. It got to the point I started to ignore his text messages, emails, phone calls, etc. Because I didnt know how to just tell him it was never going to work, that on my side there wasnt a spark, that I never would be able to really love him. If I had met him online and talked with him for months, I guess even if I didnt want I would probably start to have some kind of feelings for him, how could I not, if he was in theoryb all I ever wanted in a guy? But, still in the meeting online theory, we met in person and I saw it wasnt the "real deal", that I could never truly love him, I wouldnt know how to break the news to him, the same way as I didnt know with what really hapenned, that was us in the same city. I was a coward, I let him realise my silence meant I wanst interested and wasnt going to be, not in that day, not ever. I know I hurt him, and my only fault was not to know how to handle things and explain this to him as a grown up, but instead acted like a coward and ignored him. I would love if someday (this hapened 5 years ago) we could be friends. he is an amazing guy, and we have loads in common and i loved to talk with him, its just it never would go beyond that.


ps; I just re-read my reply and think it sounds harsh, but that isnt my intent, sometimes when we read someones reply on a forum our mental voice can read it in a different way than someone meant it to be read. I just wanted to share my view on that, and also didnt mean to write as much as I did, sorry for that as well.
If you want to talk you can message me.