We finally met in real life..Now I'm heartbroken

[LuvSsw]

Kerry You also got a chuckle out of me. And I needed that as mornings are hard for me..y'know after waking up and slowly reality comes seeping back in and your thinking about the situation again.....so I come to the forum and you give me a little pick me up to help numb the pain. And laughter certainly helps! Thanx for joining my lil army

[heylittlekrissy]

actually..there were a few things that..on his end...i wasn't to keen on..but i overlooked those things and they didn't matter to me because i was feeling so in love with HIM..not his body or his um 'performance'...it was all about his inner being for me and no one could have told me that I wasn't with my Knight..so yes rhomy..you are right

The fact that he let your first experience together completely change his feelings about the relationship, and the fact he couldn't see past his unrealistic expectations, just shows immaturity on his part, and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Sure, maybe some people have an amazing first experience together, but it's usually because of how they feel about each other when they meet, not because the sex/intercourse itself was amazing.The first time with a new partner, from what I've heard (can't say from experience as I'm still a virgin lol), is usually a rather awkward experience, and people should be able to understand that; it can also be an amazing experience, but that usually seems to have to do with the love shared and the bond created, and less of the physical aspect of it.

[LuvSsw]

, sex is made by 2 ppl. So he could have said or done something, don't you think?

actually, there were a few things, from his end that i wasn't too keen on. But i overlooked those things and they didn't matter to me beause i was feeling so in love with HIM...not his body or his..um...'performance'. i was totally into his inner being and felt like i was with my knight! No one could have made me feel different...so yes rhomy...you certainly have a point there~

---------- Post added at 09:22 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:20 AM ----------

Oh I LOVE you for that savoie-truffle!!!!

---------- Post added at 09:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:22 AM ----------

sorry about double/mixed posts and such...idk what i did to make that happen..wierd

[LuvSsw]

And you know what guys? I was feeling pretty good about myself before we met because I'd been working on myself ( before we initially met) and had lost weight, become more active...involved in many causes that were important to me....changed my diet...went back to school(which i'm still in) to further my career..just becoming a better person. I was pretty darn proud of myself And I get compliments alot from friends,family and complete strangers. I knew that I had more improvements to make...but I didn't think they would bear so much importance on that special day. And he even said as much several times how it didnt matter how i looked because he was in love with my heart and mind...go figure

[heylittlekrissy]

And you know what guys? I was feeling pretty good about myself before we met because I'd been working on myself ( before we initially met) and had lost weight, become more active...involved in many causes that were important to me....changed my diet...went back to school(which i'm still in) to further my career..just becoming a better person. I was pretty darn proud of myself And I get compliments alot from friends,family and complete strangers. I knew that I had more improvements to make...but I didn't think they would bear so much importance on that special day. And he even said as much several times how it didnt matter how i looked because he was in love with my heart and mind...go figure

It's sad to see that obviously that wasn't enough for him, and I can see why that would be so disheartening after all the work you've been doing to better yourself. Don't let him put you down, it seems like you've been doing a lot lately that you should be proud of, and for any guy not to appreciate that, he's not the right guy for you. Wait for the guy who really appreciates you for you, body, mind, and soul; that's the one you really want, and that's the one you deserve. *hugs*

[LuvSsw]

The fact that he let your first experience together completely change his feelings about the relationship

This is the part that just KILLS me.......

[heylittlekrissy]

This is the part that just KILLS me.......

I can only imagine :/ I just hope you do realize it was nothing you did wrong though, and I think that's the most important thing you can learn from this. Obviously, that doesn't necessarily make it easier to handle, but I promise, it will help if you can believe you didn't do anything.

[crystaldragonix]

I truly hope you will get past this. Clearly what he did was wrong, I think it is best that you completely stop contacting him. Its a fact that time will heal your wounds but obsessing over him will not make it get better.Try spending your time doing something that you love.
Also try to cool it with online dating. I've had some experience with this and I'm telling you there are a lot of people out there..and there is a reason why people dating online, not always a good reason. You have to find out what their motivation is before you jump in. For instance, one guy wanted to see my webcam sooo bad, I knew what he wanted..a strip tease. Another I got close to,we were arranging to meet, he was reluctant but once he found out I go to a BIG TEN university he wanted to go to a football game and for me provide future tickets.... So before you consider online dating, try real life for a while and see what happens.
Good Luck

[LuvSsw]

try to cool it with online dating. I've had some experience with this and I'm telling you there are a lot of people out there..and there is a reason why people dating online, not always a good reason.So before you consider online dating, try real life for a while and see what happens.
Good Luck

Thank you crystaldragonix , i appreciate that....the fact of the matter is that I really was not looking for a relationship when i met him as the online site we were on was not actually a dating website. He began talking to me and I responded and for awhile it was just a very friendly chatty type of thing. The more we talked the more we learned about each other.When he started to express interest in me..i was very hesitant. After a couple of months and constant conversation..he gave me his phone number..which i would not call. Well of course finally i DID call eventually and on and on it went. This was my first experience with meeting someone in this manner as well as with a LDR. Any previous relationships i've had have all been 'real life' or CD. This time I took a chance at something different....and I lost.

* Please..no one be discouraged by my experience...i'm just a needle in the haystack..from reading i can tell that alot of you have awesome LDR's and i applaud you! *

~just sayin cuz i realize that my thread is like a downer..and this site is all about supporting people in LDR's~

[rusty15]

I would say to move on

[Riyko]

I understand what you are going through, in may of this year a guy i was dating LD, came to visit me for a week, well his first day visiting me he told me i don't want to be with you anymore. that hurt even though we didn't have sex it still hurt because i had to see the guy the rest of the week. *hugs* it will get better just get over him and move on you'll find someone who loves you for you .

[Bethypoo]

LuvSsw- So i was one of the first respondents to this post and now am looking back at what everyone else has written. This is why I love this site. People are so supportive! Again we are all here for you!

As for telling people, just let them know that you dont really want to talk about it and just that it wasnt all you thought it would be. There is no reason to talk about it to people who wouldnt understand or just say 'told you so.' You will need your space and dont owe it to anyone to explain in detail what happened unless you want to. Dont feel obligated.

[LuvSsw]

Thank you Bethypoo, rusty15 and Riyko. Your words reach to my heart.

[elizabethjp2010]

i am truly sorry this happened to you!
BUT at least you know, at least he didnt have sex with you than tell you. So you know he loves/cares for you enough not to do that!
My best friend and i met in person than talked over the computer for 3+ years, and we felt things for each other we chose never to do anything about, but than the first time i hung out with him after we started talking, all those feelings of love and lust were just love. Not physical love or attraction just as a friend. I am so glad he is my friend bc i wouldnt know what to do without him, the fact that all those feelings were not the same ended up being a blessing in disguise. I know right now its hard, but hopefully soon enough it will not be so hard, and you can meet someone else to spen your life with

[LuvSsw]

Friends,
You all have been more supportive than mere words can say. I can't thank you all enough. I am writing this to give you an update on things that transpired today:

He told me today many hurtful things..and didn't even have the decency to TALK to me...this was all done through IM's!!!!!!
He told me that he doesn't want to be in a LDR because it's to much mental work. He told me that he wants someone who is independent and athletic( so i guess i'm not?) and that he will make sure he lets this be known in the future to avoid 'issues'
He said that i misrepresented myself (HUH?) and that he needs to chase his dreams and i 'drag' him down
He needs his time and his space........and I am clingy.
He then proceeded to change his status on FB to single then 'unfriend' me...block me from his Twitter.....block me from his account on the site where we met..and just generally ignore me.
On and on it went with him lashing me with everything he didnt like about me..and when i asked him to just TALK to me ....he wouldnt
I KNOW i was not supposed contact him guys! I KNOW that! I was a fool in love what more can i say .......and believe me....i'm leaving alot of stuff out because i don't want to make this too lengthy. I just wanna say...again....I LOVE ALL OF YOU. And just because my LDR didn't work...doesn't mean i don't want to participate still here. I've found some real friends here through my anguish. I'm serious. I want to support others ...give back..after all you have given me. You people on this forum are the reason i am able to breathe right now...and what i mean by that..is that when it gets so bad that i almost feel like i can't catch my breath....someone here will have left me a message or a post on the thread and for a little while i can see light again. The love i lost has been returned to me...through you.And guess what?..i have not given up on LDR's..BUT...i will never get involved in a LDR again if I haven't first met the person in real life. That's my lesson