I have noticed during the time we have been LD, I go through a cycle in regards to the time difference we have. At the top of the cycle, I don't mind staying up till 2-3am talking and I want to talk more even though I know I need to go to bed. Then there is the bottom where I can't stand it, I'm tired of waiting, and I'm angry at him for making me wait. Then there's a melt-down, then I make my way back round to the top. The cycle goes round.

Right now, you might have guessed, I am at the bottom. My clocks went back last Sunday, his don't till this Sunday. "Yes!" I thought, "Only a 4 hour time difference this week!" I thought we'd get more time to talk together and hang out. But of course not. Because he is an Engineer and they work stupid hours. Monday was our 2 year anniversary. If my clocks hadn't gone back, I probably wouldn't have talked to him at all, because he got back so late. Last night, we didn't talk at all. I stayed up late, even though I have to be up on a Wednesday morning for work, and still nothing. I got tired of waiting and went to bed. Woke up to a message saying he got back till really late and he was sorry blah blah blah. Sorry but it won't stop him keeping on doing it.

I can't help but think this is all I've got to look forward too. When I can over there, there will be 3-4 months of having no work permit, then who knows how long it will take me to get a job once I get the permit. I will have to learn to drive, but in the meantime I'll be stuck in the apartment all day, everyday waiting till he comes home. And if he's coming back 8 at night... I'm going to be so lonely I'm giving everything up for an empty apartment on the other side of the world. All I seem to do is wait. And it looks like that's what I'm going to be doing for a long time.

I hate being at the bottom... hope we can have this out later so I can get back to the top.