Being a foreigner

[lucybelle]

Aa the great things about being an obvious foreigner ... and the bad thing as well, since I'll always be a foreigner. Even if I live in Japan for 30 years.

I saw milaya say this in another thread and to keep it from going vastly off topic, I decided to start a new one!

This is really the only reason I dislike about living in CR. Being a foreigner. Most wouldn't think I (a white girl with dark blonde hair and green/brown eyes) wouldn't stick out so much in CR (a place full of light skinned Hispanics and plenty of US expats), but I stick out like a sore thumb. And it's not even that that bothers me. I went to an HBCU (Historically Black College/University) were I was the only white girl in all of my classes, sticking out doesn't bother me. What bothers me is how I get treated differently. People try to rip me off (especially taxi drivers). No matter what I wear or how I speak, people will always know I'm a foreigner. I'm targeted more for crimes because people think all gringos are rich and are oblivious to what's going on.

I've been having this identity crisis where I don't know what to wear and how to act. I want to blend in, so should I wear heavy eye liner, gel my hair back and squeeze into spandex pants? But I also want to be *me* and wear shorts and sneakers and quirky outfits. I'm trying to find a happy medium by buying clothes I like from CR stores, but it's still difficult for me.

I really try not to focus on it, but this is one of the reasons I love the USA so much. I live in a very diverse area, and you can look around and see people from all different backgrounds and ethnicity. And you will never know who was born here, who moved here, who is traveling... everyone looks the same because they are so different.

Any other stories from you guys out there who have either lived in another country or are currently living in another country? How do you find balance from expressing where you came from yet still enjoying the culture you're in now?

[snow_girl]

When I lived in Germany I could blend in pretty well until I opened my mouth. I always attempted to speak german but then I think some people got fed up and just spoke to me in english, but were nicer about it cause I at least tried to speak german.

Being in the Uk I think I stick out slightly more (in my head anyway) Obviously when I talk it is a clear give away but also I think the way I dress is different. I came over with a wardrobe of tshirts/tanks tops (all the same just different color lol) and jeans pretty much. In Canada I feel pretty confidant, but in the Uk I feel slobbish. The majority seem to dress up even just to go to the grocery store. A lot also think they have style (not picking on any of you english girls here!) but actually dress horrendously. Washed out shorts that go up to their tits and show off their butt cheeks. THings that don't match etc. I think you can tell though through my not so terrible fashion/not dressed up style I'm not from there.

[mllebamako]

This has definitely been a struggle for me, especially in the beginning. In Mali, I obviously stick out like a sore thumb and there is no attempting to blend in! I'd say the first 6 months were the hardest and then it's gotten easier or I guess I've just learned to accept it more.

In the beginning it was really hard for me to finally feel what it's liked to be judged by the color of your skin. Growing up in mostly white Utah, I hadn't had that experience. I went through a period here where I felt like a shell of a person because people on saw me as a "toubabou" (foreigner/white person). People still assume I'm rich because I'm white and they try to rip me off or whatever. But I don't know, with time it just became more funny than hurtful. I guess I stopped taking it seriously and realized that if I had grown up here, as a Malian, I'm sure I would think the same things about toubabous. Because most of the toubabous here are really rich in comparison and live pretty luxuriously.
In the beginning, I did try to "blend in" more by wearing only Malian clothes and speaking as much Bambara as possible. Now, I sometimes wear Malian clothes but mostly I wear western clothing and I don't even think twice about what kind of message that is sending out anymore. I speak as much Bambara as I can but i no longer feel like some colonial jerk when speaking French to people. I don't know how it changed for me, I guess just with time, I stopped taking it so seriously. And I stopped trying so hard. I knew that I couldn't hide who I was so there was no point in changing all of these things about me and then still be treated like a foreigner. Instead of changing myself, I've just integrated the parts of Mali that I like (some of their clothes, food, language, friendliness, etc) into who I already am.

[DaisyWhisper]

This is actually something I'm really worried about.
My accent will always be really obvious and I just don't look Scandinavian at all! I would feel really uncomfortable with always being 'the English girl'.

[Kiara]

I really like this thread because it talks about one of my worries. At the moment I'm the one who is moving to Germany (from italy) to close the distance. I'm not sure of how people perceive me in Germany. Do I look different? In Berlin there are many immigrants, mainly Arabics and Turkish, so I guess I look both different from German and immigrants! Luckily there are also many tourist, so I think people just think I am one. In the long term, I won't like be associated with tourists. Also, I have some concerns about my nationality, as at the moment Italy is doing pretty bad and Germans don't like that their government pays for us (and Greece, and Spain, and Ireland, etc).

[kiara_silver]

This is a fun thread. When my SO came down, when we were in the busy places he didn't stick out at all. It was only when talking to some and telling them he's from Scotland then did he get asked questions and such. And then with my family, he kinda stuck out. lol were mexican, and my cousins are pretty dark. Plus his accent, lol got little comments on the side of omg he has a accent. But im going there soon, for 5 months. I wonder how we'll i'll fit in or how much i'll stick out. Will find out. Im going in the summer time, but im used to warm weather so im thinking that everyone's going to be in shorts and tank tops and ill be one of the only ones bundled up and in a sweater haha.

[Zephii]

This was one thing I hated about being in Canada. It's not being foreign that bothered me so much as being an immigrant. People don't mind so much if they think you're a tourist, but when you live there it seems like different rules apply. Some people are so rude!
I'm ok there until I open my mouth, and then it's all over. Even if I'm sooo careful not to use my slang or any phrases I know are Australian, my accent gives me away.

And then the questions start to remind you that you don't belong there.

Here in Oz racism is a big problem. We're not all racist, but it is a cultural issue. Like if you meet someone who's obviously from somewhere else, it's bad form to point out that they are not from here, you don't ask questions unless they bring it up - because you don't want to be racist. There are people with the usual complaints "immigrants are taking our jobs" or "they need to speak the native language", but there are worse things too, people wanting everyone to drop their culture and assimilate etc. Hell, you can even be called a racist for wearing the Australian flag on Australia day, because obviously if you have pride in your homeland you're zenophobic
So, coming from a standpoint of not being so keen on immigrants, to being in a situation where I was one did not feel good at all.

No matter where you are people say "if you don't like this country, leave". Over here, it's a common thing said about immigrants who still love their home countries, "If it's so great, go back there". Or whatever... So there I was, a foreigner in a country I didn't like

It was an eye-opener.

I'm not looking forward to going back to Canada when the time comes, being a fireigner and being treated differently all over again, but in a way I know I'm lucky. If I do stay there 30 years, likely it would eventually obliterate my accent and I'd learn to use more typical Canadian words/phrases - and I'd have citizenship - I could assimilate if I wanted to, given enough time.

[Engel]

When my SO and I were in ro de janeiro, many txi drivers tried to rip us off, seeing we were speaking english, and I'm a blonde (now) and really white (all the time). I would say I'm no gringa, that they wouldn't take advantage of ME, and would find something that i knew would be a fair price. they would have exploited my poor SO, if he had been on his own.

I will always be a foreigner in Germany too, even though my great-grandparents are german, even though I live in Germany, even though I have a german family name, even though, even though. always a foreigner.

But I think I look like someone german, and dress like a german most of the time effortlessly anyway. i look more gringa in brazil than i do in here. until i open my mouth and they hear my accent.

[lucybelle]

And I stopped trying so hard. I knew that I couldn't hide who I was so there was no point in changing all of these things about me and then still be treated like a foreigner. Instead of changing myself, I've just integrated the parts of Mali that I like (some of their clothes, food, language, friendliness, etc) into who I already am.

Yeah there are some days where I put on my cowboy boots and am like "EFF IT! I AM NOT FROM HERE!" But sometimes even my SO will say "you know no one wears cowboy boots here..."

Also, I have some concerns about my nationality, as at the moment Italy is doing pretty bad and Germans don't like that their government pays for us (and Greece, and Spain, and Ireland, etc).

I know this feeling being from the USA. There's a general agreement that most countries don't like USA citizens for 10 million different reasons. A lot of people I know say they're from Canada to avoid problems. But I've never had a problem with people disliking me because of my nationality. Where I do get issues is where I say I'm from. I can't say I'm American (and you can see that I have gotten out of the habit of using that term a mighty long time ago), because there is North America, Central America and South America and they're all technically "Americans". If you say you're American here, people get offended (even though I don't know a single tico who would ever claim to be "American"). So I say I'm from the States. Even then, some people will say "States? What states? Mexico is the United States of Mexico!" Sometimes I say I'm "North American" (which is common here) but even then people will be like "There's more than one part!" Sometimes I feel like saying "YOU WIN! I GIVE UP! I'M AN IGNORANT AMERICAN!"

[books]

I have a certain kind of look to that has allowed me to blend in wherever I may be. In Cairo, I was mistaken for Egyptian...In Istanbul, mistaken for Turkish...In Lisbon, mistaken for Portuguese...in Puerto Rico, mistaken for Puerto Rican. So, that's to say I'd become so used to just blending in. When I first moved to my SO's country, Nicaragua, I too had people who assumed that I was from there, they just thought I was from the Northern part (where the people tend to be lighter skinned). The first couple of experiences I had where someone tried to rip me off in the market just because they knew I was a foreigner were kind of hard to stomach. I really was taken aback that it was actually happening to me...it's a sucky feeling to know you stick out and definitely something I guess I will have to accept. While in Nicaragua I may certainly blend in enough for some people, I certainly look different enough to get second glances and I admit that makes me feel uncomfortable.

I understand in Nicaragua, *most* people do believe all foreigners are rich, but you know what...to them, we are. If you have $100 in your pocket in a place where the average monthly salary is $200 and running water is considered a luxury, guess what...you are considered very well off. I've learned to accept this as best as I can. Interestingly enough, a Costa Rican in Nicaragua or a Nica who has returned from working in CR would definitely be hit up for money as well. So, that's to say this kind of attitude isn't just targeted to Westerners.

[lucybelle]

I understand in Nicaragua, *most* people do believe all foreigners are rich, but you know what...to them, we are. If you have $100 in your pocket in a place where the average monthly salary is $200 and running water is considered a luxury, guess what...you are considered very well off. I've learned to accept this as best as I can. Interestingly enough, a Costa Rican in Nicaragua or a Nica who has returned from working in CR would definitely be hit up for money as well. So, that's to say this kind of attitude isn't just targeted to Westerners.

I agree. The dynamics between CR and Nicaragua are complicated at best. Nicas are also targeted and ripped off here.

[Dziubka]

It's so weird, I was going to make a thread about this a while ago. But I felt I was complaining about silly things and didn't.

Anyway it might seem strange because no one would claim that you can see that I'm not Polish, because, you can't.
And I'm at a point where even after I open my mouth, people still don't immediately get them I'm a foreigner. They usually think I'm from a region near the border, taking my accent for the local dialect (let me tell you, that dialect is ugly, I really want to believe my boyfriend when he tells me I don't sound anything like that!).

BUT once they realise I'm a foreigner, there's no other topic. It's the one thing I don't like about Poland.
Being a foreigner in Germany is no big deal. Every second person you meet speaks with an accent, we don't even think twice about it and it's certainly not a topic of discussion. Maybe I just don't see it, because obviously I'm not a foreigner here, and some things are probably more complicated, but my impression is that it's generally not that bad.
Poland is a pretty monocultural society, though. They're not used to foreigners at all. There's some Vietnamese in the bigger cities, but they're generally not integrated very well, so the average Polish person doesn't have a lot of contact with them. So a foreigner, even if he's 'only' from the country next door, but especially if he speaks the language is something outrageously exotic. Imagine a conversation like this
Me: "So last week we went to see film x and it was really interesting"
Polish Person: "So you're really GERMAN? Like totally?! Your parents too?"
M: yes, I am and so are they, and no they don't speak a word of Polish... and anyway, what do you think about this ACTA law?"
PP: "Man, your Polish is really good. I thought you were from [insert Polish city]"
M: "Thank you, but no I'm not, I'm actually from [city in Germany]. Hey, how do you know the host of this party anyway?"
PP: "Wow. I never knew anyone wanted to learn Polish. WHY did you want to? Why Polish?"
M:"Ok, *gives up* [insert story I've told a million times]. "
OR they ask me to say tongue twisters, like I was a parrot in a zoo
"Can you say Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz???"/ "Repeat 'W Szczebrzeszynie chrząszcz brzmi w trzcinie...'"
ike it was the first time I've heard that...
(and for the record, yes, I can actually say both, but seeing as I'm not a parrot in a circus I'm not going to say them just for your amusement)


I've had variations of this dialogue countless times and while in the beginning I liked having a topic for discussion, I'm slowly getting bored of only talking about one topic. Yes, I am German, but that's not all I am and it would be really nice not to be reduced to it all the time. My boyfriend's friends have gotten over it and they're generally fine, except for the occasional "What do they teach you in history class?" (seriously?! Seriously?! d'uh), they don't really mention my 'foreigness', which is cool. I don't mind being a foreigner so much and it definitely does have advantages. I only have to wave my ID and I could get into clubs, without waiting in line. People see my obviously Scandinavian last name and they're suuuper nice to me. But I'd happily pass on those things for not being the exotic animal all the time.

And then there's the obvious "Hände Hoch" and "nicht schießen, bitte" aaand "for a German woman, you're actually quite pretty", that I never know how to react to *sigh*

Sorry, if I rambling :-/

[books]

I agree. The dynamics between CR and Nicaragua are complicated at best. Nicas are also targeted and ripped off here.

Right, but I would guess Nicas are likely to be targeted and ripped off there b/c they are assumed to be stupid, as opposed to having lots of money. What I've definitely noticed in Nicaragua (which I imagine to be true for any developing country) is that when someone goes off to work in another country, as soon as they come back they are hit up for money. Now of course the point for many is to bring back money, but having seen this in action, it really blew my mind how blatant the thinking was that this person now had tons of money to spare. Now imagine, as a foreigner, we are perceived to have this overflowing wealth constantly. I apologize if this is getting too much off topic, but I just came back from seeing my SO and have actually had this stuck in my mind.

Thinking more about the topic, I do believe I can accept my status as a foreigner and that it's okay if people identify me as being from somewhere else. What really tends to bother me is how my status as a foreigner, specifically coming from such a rich country, has affected my SO. On my recent visit, we went out for some drinks with his friends. One of his friends, who I was meeting for the first time that night, spent a good time talking to me. He asked me if I was actually serious about staying with my SO. I said of course I was. This friend then turned to my SO and said how my SO was so lucky to have someone like me who loves him so much and how it was such a great opportunity. My SO got angry at this and said "She's not an opportunity, I love her from my heart." I mentioned this to my SO afterwards and he just told me it doesn't matter if all of his friends think of me as an opportunity, he's with me for me. Things like this tend to bother me a lot. It's hard to accept some people really do just see a big dollar sign and an easy visa to a rich country when they see you. More than just accepting how it feels to be a foreigner, this for me is the reality that Westerners who fall in love with people from less-developed nations have to face.

[digitalfever]

I'm not looking forward to going back to Canada when the time comes, being a fireigner and being treated differently all over again, but in a way I know I'm lucky. If I do stay there 30 years, likely it would eventually obliterate my accent and I'd learn to use more typical Canadian words/phrases - and I'd have citizenship - I could assimilate if I wanted to, given enough time.

I don't want to be the debbie downer but you'll have you accent for life. :P Which I think as a Canadian is very very cool.

[Dziubka]

I don't want to be the debbie downer but you'll have you accent for life. :P Which I think as a Canadian is very very cool.

It's not the topic of this thread (or maybe it is in a way), but that's not necessarily true.

It depends on your personal abilities and a bunch of other things as well, but it's not that hard to adapt a different accent.
You can actually learn to speak a foreign language without an accent (or at least to a point where people won't hear you're a foreigner anymore), even when you started learning it as an adult.