Ok so a few weeks ago I posted about problems I was having with my BF. After a particularly bad fight, I gathered up my clothes and went to stay with my mum. I didn't "move out", I just was taking a break from Dave and getting ready to break up and move out. He would text me a lot of lovely things throughout the days I was there, and one Saturday night/Sunday morning at about 4am he texted "you awake?" I said yes. "Want cuddles? I'm feeling bad and anxious. Please come over." So... me desperately needing comfort myself, I caved and went over.
It was so nice but it broke my heart because I know it couldn't always be like this.
After I went home on Sunday afternoon, we were talking on MSN and he started getting extremely angry over nothing (he does this a lot since he got a head injury last year) and told me he doesn't want a girlfriend. He wanted me but he didn't want to be exclusive. I've heard this shit before so I just thought "fuck trying anymore" and told him it was over, he'd never see me again etc. Of course then he panicked and apologised profusely and said there was something wrong with him, he didn't know why there was an obsession with other girls all of a sudden, it was his head injury, he was scared of getting older etc etc. I sort of didn't care and didn't accept the apology.
He asked for one more chance. What hurt could it do to see if he could change? he said. So... I sighed and said ok.
So I've been staying back home with him for 4-5 days a week (spending the other nights at mum's when I need a break) and things have been nice. There have been no fights or problems and he has been making a real effort to change (or so it seems). However... I don't trust him. I don't believe he will change. I am trying *so* hard to actually give him a REAL chance but this is unfair because I haven't given him another chance. I'm just waiting for things to fuck up again before I leave and everything happens all over again. My heart cannot take more of this pain.
I have to break up with him. I KNOW this is the only option left to me. I must do this. But how do I do it? How do I actually convince myself I want to do it? Every time I do he holds onto me and my heart yearns for him. My body yearns for him. My mind yearns for him but its the only one saying NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo and putting up a fight and it always loses. Plus, once we break up, he will (without a doubt) have other girls straight away. He constantly has girls all over him and I suppose he's used this as a threat last time I tried to break up. It makes me sick thinking about it but I know if I break up with him he has every right to sleep with other people and I shouldn't care.
What on earth do I do. How do I get out of this situation? I've tried blocking off contact but I'm so hooked on him I just can't help it and cave to him again and again. Plus, I own most of the furniture in our house so moving out will be a *big* job and we're in the midst of exams. I don't know what to do.
It was so nice but it broke my heart because I know it couldn't always be like this.
After I went home on Sunday afternoon, we were talking on MSN and he started getting extremely angry over nothing (he does this a lot since he got a head injury last year) and told me he doesn't want a girlfriend. He wanted me but he didn't want to be exclusive. I've heard this shit before so I just thought "fuck trying anymore" and told him it was over, he'd never see me again etc. Of course then he panicked and apologised profusely and said there was something wrong with him, he didn't know why there was an obsession with other girls all of a sudden, it was his head injury, he was scared of getting older etc etc. I sort of didn't care and didn't accept the apology.
He asked for one more chance. What hurt could it do to see if he could change? he said. So... I sighed and said ok.
So I've been staying back home with him for 4-5 days a week (spending the other nights at mum's when I need a break) and things have been nice. There have been no fights or problems and he has been making a real effort to change (or so it seems). However... I don't trust him. I don't believe he will change. I am trying *so* hard to actually give him a REAL chance but this is unfair because I haven't given him another chance. I'm just waiting for things to fuck up again before I leave and everything happens all over again. My heart cannot take more of this pain.
I have to break up with him. I KNOW this is the only option left to me. I must do this. But how do I do it? How do I actually convince myself I want to do it? Every time I do he holds onto me and my heart yearns for him. My body yearns for him. My mind yearns for him but its the only one saying NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo and putting up a fight and it always loses. Plus, once we break up, he will (without a doubt) have other girls straight away. He constantly has girls all over him and I suppose he's used this as a threat last time I tried to break up. It makes me sick thinking about it but I know if I break up with him he has every right to sleep with other people and I shouldn't care.
What on earth do I do. How do I get out of this situation? I've tried blocking off contact but I'm so hooked on him I just can't help it and cave to him again and again. Plus, I own most of the furniture in our house so moving out will be a *big* job and we're in the midst of exams. I don't know what to do.
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