Afraid to fly..

[Moon]

Just another thought, it might be a good idea to look for connections in smaller, easier airports like Reykjavík, Iceland, as opposed to horrible ones like Heathrow, or Charles de Gaulle in Paris, if possible. It won't be easy, and it would take a lot of investigating, but if you could find one, it would be worth it.

[lucybelle]

Honestly, I believe the "big, scary" airports are the easiest to navigate! The San Jose airport in Costa Rica has like 9 gates, and there's one or two that are hidden and every time I leave from one of those gates someone has to escort me down to the gate, because I can never find the damn thing! It's like in some hidden staircase that is labeled "employees only". I shit you not. Big airports have tons of help desks, maps, very clear signage in various languages, trams that are easy to use, etc.

Anyways. I will admit that I have created a fear of flying for myself. What I'm afraid of- that my plane will crash into another plane. It's ridiculous, but knowing it's ridiculous doesn't change the fact that I'm always at the window just waiting to see another plane and fall to my fiery death. I've found some natural stretching/breathing methods that have significantly helped me out. And also- Xanax. That shit is amazing. I take a Xanax and a small glass of wine and I don't give a shit what's going on for the next 4 hours or so. Could he get a prescription for something like that?

[Hollandia]

I still have a fear of flying to this day. I was prescribed Xanax for a years years by my primary doctor to use when flying. It really did help. They were fairly weak so they did not make me high or make me unable to wake if needed. They made me feel very relaxed and Zen and instead of balling my eyes through the turbulence I softly moaned and as time past and I continued to make flight after flight, I get to the point that it is almost tolerable. Don't get me wrong, I still hate flying but I love my SO and no fear is going to keep me from seeing him. He might also want to look into some support forums for fear of flying. Whatever it takes, this is what I think he should be doing to work on this. A short "half way" point flight might be an idea for the first flight for him too. I know it costs money to meet midway, but just an idea to get his feet wet with a direct flight first and then move forward to the layway needed next time.

Here are some more suggestions to him when and if he decides to make the plunge. Invest in a nice pair of noise reduction headphones, they make you able to tune out the aspects of the plane that trouble you the most. For me, it is the constant reminder of being on a plane and knowing I am 30,000 feet in the air. I make a point to be able to watch some movies for as much as the flight as I can. I cut up the flight time in my head with what is going on with the flight crew's actions. This makes it feel more like facing smaller amounts of time in the plane versus thinking about the 8 hours of airtime ahead for me. I take off my headphones for meals and safety instructions and if someone talks to me. I still can't really sleep on a plane but that is no rule that you have to, the exhaustion helps relax me even more. Now that I don't use the meds anyone, I might have a drink or two. I go out of my way to keep "busy" and mellow at the same time. I also accept that sometimes no matter what I am still going to have to be miserable when the dreaded bad turbulence comes. The best part of any flight for me is landing. There is nothing wrong with being afraid to fly, I always will be. I just choose not to allow it to rule my life. I hope your SO will be able to come to this point at some point soon too.

[differentcountries]

When I went to India I was very afraid of flying and I considered getting meds or drink but I knew I had to change flights in a big airport (where there seemed to be no one around to help). After I did it I got a big boost of self confidence and the feeling I could go anywhere. I had flown before though.

[Hollandia]

When I went to India I was very afraid of flying and I considered getting meds or drink but I knew I had to change flights in a big airport (where there seemed to be no one around to help). After I did it I got a big boost of self confidence and the feeling I could go anywhere. I had flown before though.

I have done a layover in Heathrow several times with my meds or a few drinks. There is no problem as long as you only take the prescribed amount or if you are drinking, you do so with moderation. My very first layover was in Heathrow and I was terrified but it all turned out fine. Most large airporst as stated before have plenty of help around.

[TexastoFinland]

Hey, my bf is from Turku, Finland too He is quite similar - he hasn't said he's scared of actually 'flying' but he's never travelled before so it's more of not knowing what to do... and worrying about that. I haven't met my bf yet but I'll be visiting first and I suggested that when it comes to him coming to visit me, would it help him if I flew out to Finland and then flew back with him to the UK (where I live) so I'd be with him and he said that yeah, if I was with him then he'd come.. Perhaps you could do that with your SO one day? If that's an option? It's the problems of finding money and time for that though. Just a suggestion..

Yep well if it were just in the UK then there are direct flights. His fear is flying for 7 hours over the Atlantic ocean and then having to go through that trauma and then change at NY which almost all flights to Houston go through there these days. Situations may seem the same but still a little different so its hard to compare a 1500 euro flight to a 300 euro flight!! It is the expense and time since flying there for 24 hours then back.. it's a killer!! I dont actually see it as possible for me.

[TexastoFinland]

I have done a layover in Heathrow several times with my meds or a few drinks. There is no problem as long as you only take the prescribed amount or if you are drinking, you do so with moderation. My very first layover was in Heathrow and I was terrified but it all turned out fine. Most large airports as stated before have plenty of help around.

I am an experienced traveler and my first time in Heathrow was atrocious!! My second time was easier but still. I can't imagine Heahtrow being a changeover for someone new and scared of flying. Not everyone is made out of the same material and are emotionally able to brave things. I have offered to meet him in NY but even that is quite expensive from Texas.. 2 trips there and back equals about 800 dollars!!

[TexastoFinland]

I still have a fear of flying to this day. I was prescribed Xanax for a years years by my primary doctor to use when flying. It really did help. They were fairly weak so they did not make me high or make me unable to wake if needed. They made me feel very relaxed and Zen and instead of balling my eyes through the turbulence I softly moaned and as time past and I continued to make flight after flight, I get to the point that it is almost tolerable. Don't get me wrong, I still hate flying but I love my SO and no fear is going to keep me from seeing him. He might also want to look into some support forums for fear of flying. Whatever it takes, this is what I think he should be doing to work on this. A short "half way" point flight might be an idea for the first flight for him too. I know it costs money to meet midway, but just an idea to get his feet wet with a direct flight first and then move forward to the layway needed next time.

Here are some more suggestions to him when and if he decides to make the plunge. Invest in a nice pair of noise reduction headphones, they make you able to tune out the aspects of the plane that trouble you the most. For me, it is the constant reminder of being on a plane and knowing I am 30,000 feet in the air. I make a point to be able to watch some movies for as much as the flight as I can. I cut up the flight time in my head with what is going on with the flight crew's actions. This makes it feel more like facing smaller amounts of time in the plane versus thinking about the 8 hours of airtime ahead for me. I take off my headphones for meals and safety instructions and if someone talks to me. I still can't really sleep on a plane but that is no rule that you have to, the exhaustion helps relax me even more. Now that I don't use the meds anyone, I might have a drink or two. I go out of my way to keep "busy" and mellow at the same time. I also accept that sometimes no matter what I am still going to have to be miserable when the dreaded bad turbulence comes. The best part of any flight for me is landing. There is nothing wrong with being afraid to fly, I always will be. I just choose not to allow it to rule my life. I hope your SO will be able to come to this point at some point soon too.

I am a die hard romantic so I am the type that will move mountains for love and I did. I flew for my first time EVER to Finland and I was scared. It wasn't for him though, my grist Finnish boyfriend. Anyway, if you have a fear or phobia, I know some people that cannot move they are so scared. I am wondering if he is like that? He has said he cant physically get on a plane.. Anyway, I feel like I am making excuses for him when I am only trying to be understanding like you should be for a partner. Still though I cant help but being angry a little since I see all of these couples flying back and forth to see each other.

I am an experienced traveler by now so I know all of these things. I still get nervous when I get on the plane heading across that Atlantic Ocean. I have told him all of these things already. It is just him that has to figure out a way to make it work. I dont think giving him deadlines will work either and it sure doesnt make me fall out of love with him. Love takes time to get over so I guess things are the way they are, though undesirable until he either flies or I fall out of love right?

[BabyGund]

If this is such a huge fear, then why did he continue the relationship? He must have known at SOME point, he would have to fly to visit you.

I understand the fear of flying. My sister-in-law has it and vacations with her are...tense, to put it mildly. And unfortunately, due to her history of alcohol abuse, we really can't let her drink it away.

The Xanax helps. Letting the flight crew know this is his first time flying and he's nervous helps. When booking his flight, putting him close to the door to get off first or in back with the flight crew helps. (these are the tactics we use with my SIL).

I understand it's expensive to fly to him and ride back with him, at least his first time. And I understand his fear. But how important is this relationship to either of you? Someone has to make the leap here.

[squeeker]

I know how you feel in a large extent. My boyfriend has a huge fear of flying too. He especially doesn't like the idea of being on a plane ride for 9 hours, giving control to the pilot that the plane doesn't crash. He is also scared when I fly over but since I flew over the first time and now I almost love flying because it takes me to him. I get kind of scared sometimes that my family and friends might be thinking he doesn't really care about me because he hasn't been here yet and hasn't made that leap. But they don't understand his fear.

He has flown once before on a 3-4 hour flight to Greece and back with his dad, he was so scared on that though. He has OCD and PTSD, though he has been getting regular CBT therapy and meeting with a counselor while he's been at university and it's starting to get better. We've looked into ways to split up the flight for him, or get other ways of getting here, but they end up being more expensive. He would be much better if there was WIFI on all flights, because then he would be able to distract himself better I think. I understand his fear I think, at least as much as I can, because I know when I'm on a plane, I get this feeling sometimes where I'm totally disconnected from everyone and it's worse if I suddenly feel like I need to tell someone something before I land.. or if it's delayed or lots of turbulence.

I can see it is different from your SO's fear because you said your SO wouldn't mind if there was a direct flight and is most scared of changing flights. My SO and I fear that too and I always have to take a direct flight to see him, because he would fear I would get lost in a big airport even if I feel like I might be okay. So I have to fly only between May and October unless I want to fly into London but Manchester is closer to him. But my SO fears the long 9 hour plane ride, though he is getting help.

It is kind of funny because when we first started talking, he would randomly ask me how I would react if he surprised me one day by being at my work/otherwise in my city. I know he wants to come here, but it is hard for him, and I have to be accepting of that and understanding of it.

Though then there's a problem further with my SO is.. even if he did get up the courage to fly.. his dad is his only family in the UK really (his family is really broken up so they don't talk to any of the others) and his dad is kind of really dependent on him.. but he is working through that and is now going to these things where he has the opportunity to get out of the house and meet people.

So one day he will come here. But until then I don't mind going there. And I think that my parents are pretty understanding about it.. especially my mom.. as I've explained things and shared things. Though family and friends still sometimes make side comments about if he's coming here next and things.. but I just shrug them off and not let it get to me if I can.

Good luck! I believe you can stay strong about this.. keep encouraging him to get some help to get over his fears. If he admits he has fears, he either should get the help or face them on his own. Maybe there's a book out there about battling fears that he would connect with.. or movie? Good luck

[TexastoFinland]

If this is such a huge fear, then why did he continue the relationship? He must have known at SOME point, he would have to fly to visit you.

I understand the fear of flying. My sister-in-law has it and vacations with her are...tense, to put it mildly. And unfortunately, due to her history of alcohol abuse, we really can't let her drink it away.

The Xanax helps. Letting the flight crew know this is his first time flying and he's nervous helps. When booking his flight, putting him close to the door to get off first or in back with the flight crew helps. (these are the tactics we use with my SIL).

I understand it's expensive to fly to him and ride back with him, at least his first time. And I understand his fear. But how important is this relationship to either of you? Someone has to make the leap here.

Well our hearts tell us to continue with a relationship or not am I not correct? When he loved me I lived there. He never thought he would be faced with a LDR.. I said to him that I never wanted to leave Finland. Situations change though but the heart doesnt always!

[TexastoFinland]

I know how you feel in a large extent. My boyfriend has a huge fear of flying too. He especially doesn't like the idea of being on a plane ride for 9 hours, giving control to the pilot that the plane doesn't crash. He is also scared when I fly over but since I flew over the first time and now I almost love flying because it takes me to him. I get kind of scared sometimes that my family and friends might be thinking he doesn't really care about me because he hasn't been here yet and hasn't made that leap. But they don't understand his fear.

He has flown once before on a 3-4 hour flight to Greece and back with his dad, he was so scared on that though. He has OCD and PTSD, though he has been getting regular CBT therapy and meeting with a counselor while he's been at university and it's starting to get better. We've looked into ways to split up the flight for him, or get other ways of getting here, but they end up being more expensive. He would be much better if there was WIFI on all flights, because then he would be able to distract himself better I think. I understand his fear I think, at least as much as I can, because I know when I'm on a plane, I get this feeling sometimes where I'm totally disconnected from everyone and it's worse if I suddenly feel like I need to tell someone something before I land.. or if it's delayed or lots of turbulence.

I can see it is different from your SO's fear because you said your SO wouldn't mind if there was a direct flight and is most scared of changing flights. My SO and I fear that too and I always have to take a direct flight to see him, because he would fear I would get lost in a big airport even if I feel like I might be okay. So I have to fly only between May and October unless I want to fly into London but Manchester is closer to him. But my SO fears the long 9 hour plane ride, though he is getting help.

It is kind of funny because when we first started talking, he would randomly ask me how I would react if he surprised me one day by being at my work/otherwise in my city. I know he wants to come here, but it is hard for him, and I have to be accepting of that and understanding of it.

Though then there's a problem further with my SO is.. even if he did get up the courage to fly.. his dad is his only family in the UK really (his family is really broken up so they don't talk to any of the others) and his dad is kind of really dependent on him.. but he is working through that and is now going to these things where he has the opportunity to get out of the house and meet people.

So one day he will come here. But until then I don't mind going there. And I think that my parents are pretty understanding about it.. especially my mom.. as I've explained things and shared things. Though family and friends still sometimes make side comments about if he's coming here next and things.. but I just shrug them off and not let it get to me if I can.

Good luck! I believe you can stay strong about this.. keep encouraging him to get some help to get over his fears. If he admits he has fears, he either should get the help or face them on his own. Maybe there's a book out there about battling fears that he would connect with.. or movie? Good luck

Heck! I wish WIFI was on flights abroad so I can be more entertained! There is WIFI in the US flights but it isn't free! Usually most of the flight is without WIFI and my phone wont work once I leave the US. Yeah well you see here people telling me he should come here and blah blah blah. It is ok I am used to dealing with this. It is true that when we met he didnt know he would fall in love with someone who would one day live across the ocean from him. So in a way, it was difficult for us to decide what to do. He certainly didnt want a LDR. I guess this is the hand we are dealt and we have to deal with it!!

[squeeker]

Heck! I wish WIFI was on flights abroad so I can be more entertained! There is WIFI in the US flights but it isn't free! Usually most of the flight is without WIFI and my phone wont work once I leave the US. Yeah well you see here people telling me he should come here and blah blah blah. It is ok I am used to dealing with this. It is true that when we met he didnt know he would fall in love with someone who would one day live across the ocean from him. So in a way, it was difficult for us to decide what to do. He certainly didnt want a LDR. I guess this is the hand we are dealt and we have to deal with it!!

Yeah I thought I heard WIFI was on flights in the US. I didn't know you had to pay for it. Come to think of it, I think I remember my boyfriend saying he found an airline that offered WIFI that might even take him from uk to here but I can't remember, it was a smaller airline I haven't heard of. I think it's only time that WIFI will be commonly available on flights. Though it sucks because the last flight I went on on my way back from the UK, I got stuck on an older Air Transat airbus which didn't have the individual monitors on the back of the seat.. which had never happened to me before I always had an individual monitor! So even when it does become common, some still might not have it. So we'd have to check.

I think it's natural people who aren't in the same scenario won't understand. I have realized that people can have varying degrees of fears of flying.. and some like our SO's, have extreme fears which aren't just something you can get over just because you want to go and see your love. It's something he has to work through. Especially in your case, you have to give him credit for sticking with an LDR even though it means he will likely have to face his fears and get on a plane one of these days. And you have to have patience so you don't push him too far too quick. As long as you love each other, you can get through it, even if it takes awhile! All of us in LDRs have issues to face.. some of the others here on this site who both couples can fly back and forth no problem have other things to deal with that we might not. It's easy to compare to others situations, I end up doing it a lot of times, but it's not a good practice.. because everyone's situation is different. You have to do what's right for you both.

I commend you for doing your best to be understanding of his fear. I wish you all the best and that he gets over his fear quickly one of these days.. that he finds what works for him to tackle it!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

This is a problem I will have someday, if we progress that far. I am actually a fairly experienced flyer, having made many domestic flights over the years, mainly to and from Virginia (my home state), and Las Vegas, relatively short flights with one layover each way. My problem is my ears! No matter how much gum I chew, how much I eat, or how much I yawn, I always have pain in my ears. It helps if I take a 12-hour pain relief capsule, such as Alleve, but this is short trips I'm talking about, only a few hours, and I still have trouble with my ears. The idea of facing a 19 or more hour flight, knowing the pain I will be in, scares me. Also, my vision isn't that good anymore, and I have trouble reading those airport Flight monitors, so I am afraid of getting lost at a huge International Airport in a foreign country, thousands of miles from the US, especially if I am traveling alone, as I usually do.

[Benni]

I, too, am terrified of flying BUT not so much because of the plane itself but all those people! I feel very anxious and closed in, like I can't breath -- I have to have an aisle seat or I'd go crazy!

I take 1/2 of a Xanax one hour before the flight. It calms to the point that I don't care what's going around me, yet keeps me alert enough to function through the airports/changes, etc.