Discussing K-1 (Fiancee) Visa

[KrazyKat]

I've been talking to my girlfriend for 6+ years, I've known for 5 years that if I got my way one day she'd be my wife. But we did not get to meet in person until September of this year. For two very short weeks. And then she left. And I know you all know the feeling, it's like my heart got torn out, I kept having panic attacks which are starting to mellow out into anxiety attacks. I keep crying with no warning, I can't stand being home because she's not here, I'm sleeping on the couch because I can't bare the thought of going in the bedroom with her not here. And the worst part, she's feeling it just as bad as I am and I can't do anything for her, I can't hold her and reassure her that everything will be ok. It was so bad that we could not cope with the idea of waiting 6 months for our next visit so we moved the visit up.

Even before meeting we discussed marriage, not as a way to close the distance, but because we just knew we were meant to be together, that we're perfect for each other, and we love each other so much that we've made it through some crazy, extremely tough things and still always knew that we could not live our lives without each other, we tried but always came back together.

So here we are, after our first meeting in person which confirmed that we have that same connection, the same attraction, and the same, no, even better way of helping each other through things, communicating, reassuring each other without even having to speak a word. And we can't stand being apart, can't imagine going through more goodbyes, we know it's unavoidable, but we want to do it as few times as possible. So we started talking about starting the K-1 visa application the next time she visits. I know it sounds crazy to talk seriously about marriage after only meeting once and it only being a 2 week visit but now that we've met and confirmed everything we've been feeling for 6 years, I don't know how much longer I can handle being LD. Being apart is soooo much harder. And well, I really do want her as my wife.

[kittyo9]

I don't have a lot of advice, just some empathy and hugs. <3 My SO is kind of in the same boat as you-- we had to wait 2 years before meeting and then had a 3 week visit and afterwards we basically knew we were on the right path. I was in a huge slump for like a month after the visit, and he is struggling with LD and doesn't think he can make it for very long after I leave this time. We've discussed marriage and confirmed that yes, we want to get married, but he absolutely hates the idea of doing it to close the distance, which I find very frustrating because I know that wanting to marry me and wanting to close the distance are two separate things, but it would be so much easier if we just combined them.

Anyway, yeah, it can be a very emotionally taxing time right after a visit and I just want you to remember to take care of yourself, too. It's not crazy, just take some time to get back into regular life and think about how marriage would affect each of you.

[KrazyKat]

Thank you. I have no problem combining the two reasons for getting married. It will take a while to apply for the visa and everything so we will have time to discuss everything and figure everything out. I think the only thing I'm worried about with getting married is the fact that she has 2 kids. Yes they are adults and have jobs, but they live with her and she does waaaay too much for them. Which I have no problem with at all, I'm just worried about making arrangements for them when she does move here. Luckily they both work so they should be able to take over her rent if that's what they choose to do. She'll have to start teaching them to cook and clean lol.

I've been keeping busy, visiting my sister & twin nieces, hanging out with friends, attempting to take care of the house, had another niece's birthday party today. I have no plans for tomorrow but I'm hoping I can try to catch up on sleep if my anxiety stays under control. She's drinking tonight so she'll probably be too hungover to talk anyways.

I told her that before she comes here for good I want to make sure I have enough money set aside for her to get a ticket back home any time she might need to go. I wouldn't want her to ever feel like she can't go home.

[Petals]

Hi there,

I have found that dealing with the distance becomes way harder after meeting in person because you now know what it is really like to be with your SO - their touch, smell, mannerisms and habits that couldn't not have been adequately captured from a distance. It is hard I know and there's no harm in discussing closing the distance, but may I suggest that you try to spend more time physically together before applying for visa. Can she visit you since she will be moving to your country when you close the distance? Is a longer visit possible?


I know that for my relationship, the first visit was totally different from our longer second visit of 2 months. The first visit was like a vacation, because he didn't have the stress of work to deal with. On the second meeting, I visited him and I learned so much about him in those 2 months (he learned a lot about me too); things I could not have known without being with him physically and experiencing his world. From a distance we can censor ourselves a lot, but it is much harder when you are physically together for more than just a few weeks. I saw first hand how he dealt with stress, how he manages his time, his habits, his family dynamics etc.

Also, remember that the visa process is complex so you need time to collect evidence before submission. Have you started doing your research to ensure you have enough evidence to meet the criteria? For the USA I heard visajourney is a good resource.

[differentcountries]

I would say having panic and cry attacs after the first visit is very normal. It feels unnatural not being together. Your body reacts to that.

I also reccomend doing a longer visit if possible. The dynamics are a bit different on longer visits, more daily life and so you see the person from another point of view. I have seen him exhausted, I have lost my temper and it was tough but we learned so much about each other.

Is your boyfriend also on board with the marriage plans with your girlfriend, how does he fit into this?

[itsalwaysyou]

I told her that before she comes here for good I want to make sure I have enough money set aside for her to get a ticket back home any time she might need to go. I wouldn't want her to ever feel like she can't go home.

You have a lot of time for that, probably.... I think it will take many months (8+?) for everything to be approved, and even after she enters on a K-1 and you get married, she can't leave the USA again until she gets her green card, which will take many more months after she applies.

[snow]

If you need some insight on the K-1 visa, my fiance and I are currently going through the process. The first part of our petition has been approved and now we are waiting on the second part that takes place in my home country.

[KrazyKat]

That is awesome snow, and thanks for the offer.

She is coming here again for a month and that is when we would start any serious conversations about the K-1 Visa. And hopefully at the end of that visit I will be going home with her for a few weeks to meet her family and everything, I told her I don't want to start the Visa process until I get to meet her family, not only so I get to know them, but also so that they get a chance to get to know me and are comfortable with her being with me.

I have already done a lot of looking into it including on visajourney and will continue looking into it. There is an AP (I don't remember what it stands for at the moment) she can apply for if she needs to leave the country while waiting for her green card. I told her this so she knows she won't be able to leave unless she applies and has it in her possession .

And yes, he is on board, he wants to help however he can.

[Redheart14]

I really understand the pain of leaving your SO. I also hate sleeping alone after he's left. The fist night apart is ok because we are constantly communicating about when we've landed, gotten to our car and are back home. The next night is when it really hits me. I really hope everything gets sorted as quickly as possible for you. Hang in there!

[conejita_hada]

I have already done a lot of looking into it including on visajourney and will continue looking into it. There is an AP (I don't remember what it stands for at the moment) she can apply for if she needs to leave the country while waiting for her green card. I told her this so she knows she won't be able to leave unless she applies and has it in her possession .

It'll be good to get a chance to meet her family before applying and discussing, face to face. My fiance and I will be doing the K-1 to close the distance, as well. US visas are a difficult process (as most everyone who deals with them knows), are you talking about the authorization for leaving the US during the 1 year period after the marriage that is required for the green card? If so, a person shouldn't rely on this as a way to visit family/for homesickness. I worked for an agency that filed immigration visas and the only persons who were approved for leaving the US during that first year were under "extreme" circumstances (such as terminal illness of an immediate family member). After that first year and with green card in hand, traveling is no issue.

[KrazyKat]

I'm ot sure, this is what I read: The K-1 Visa Holder will need to apply for Advance Parole (AP) if they wish to travel outside of the US while their AOS application is being processed and not yet approved. Leaving without an approved (and in hand) AP will result in abandoning the pending AOS application and require filing for a new visa (either K-3 or IR-1/CR-1) to re-enter the US.

I'll have to warn her about that first year. Her family kinda has a lot of money so I'm sure if it's a matter of missing family they can just come visit her. More things to discuss lol

[differentcountries]

yes, he is on board, he wants to help however he can.

I am sure he realizes that being legally married to her is helpful to close the distance. I just wonder about the emotional side of the upcoming marriage to her since you probably can't marry both of them, legally anyway 😃

[KrazyKat]

Yeah, we discuss the emotions he has about it, he does get upset sometimes but he realizes that while he and I have been together for 3 years, she's been in the picture for 6 years. And even if her and I get legally married he will be just as important to me as her. Plus legally he and I would not be able to get married without him losing his income (SSD). It's pretty much a constant discussion to check in on emotions and such.

[differentcountries]

Yeah, we discuss the emotions he has about it, he does get upset sometimes but he realizes that while he and I have been together for 3 years, she's been in the picture for 6 years. And even if her and I get legally married he will be just as important to me as her. Plus legally he and I would not be able to get married without him losing his income (SSD). It's pretty much a constant discussion to check in on emotions and such.

Well, I am asking because I am sort of in the same dilemma myself. My boys sometimes get upset about the marriage thing too - SO because he would like to be able to marry me (for practical as well as emotional reasons) and my husband because he enjoys being married to me and would not consider divorcing me so I could marry SO "unless we really, really had to"(if we can't close distance with SO through other means). Our current solution is the flat we share in Turkey (me and SO one week a month, and husband when he is visiting). I know I will probably not be able to marry SO legally, but emotionally a wedding party and a ring would be perfectly possible - so that he could feel married to me, even without the paper. I have also been thinking about getting legal aid to work out wills, that would be very useful if we lived together permanently and/or had kids.

[VeraRyan]

Me and my fiancee are going through the k1 visa process too. We have all the papers filled out and we'll apply in October/November.
Who else is going through this? I have some questions and would like to share experiences!