Preferred method when handling finances

[Petals]

What is your preferred method when dealing with finances once married or in defacto relationship. Why do you prefer this method?


For example :
Do you combine all finances?

Do you have a shared account but individual savings?

[TaraMarie]

We haven't gotten there yet, but right now he is welcome to what I have and I am welcome to his. I imagine we will have joint checking for household expenses and separate savings account to do what we want with. I am going to ask him that when we FaceTime in a few minutes.

[R&R]

Mine is a shared account for joint bills (mortgage, electric, cable, groceries, etc) and individual accounts for our own items. It's very hard to purchase things for Christmas, birthdays or just a surprise when they can see everything going on in the account.

[differentcountries]

I am used to do half-shared finances. Actually I find that having shared accounts doesn't work for us ,well exept for savings. I have two shared savings accounts with my husband, and an appartment loan (we will soon get another one). But I like to have my own money, so we usually basically split whatever cost in half, exept for gifts and treats of course. It works because we earn pretty much the same and we also have different hobbies that we spend whatever we want on, just bigger expenses we talk over (like travels, courses etc.). I had some joint accounts with my ex, but I like this version better. It is never, honey can we afford to buy me new clothes now? If there is money in the account you can buy clothes, if not that is not my fault you spent them on something else. Apart from the appartment loan we have individual loans we take care of, like education loan. In daily life we basically keep receits and once in a while we compare them, the goal is to make it even. We did this before we married and we really didn't see any reason to stop. We did actually have a joint account, but the problem is you can't connect it to VISA anyway, and then it just becomes a hassle when you pay most things by card.

With me and my LD/part time CD boyfriend it is different because I earn so much money that he does. With my boyfriend it has worked so that I have graducally become to support him/our relationship more and more (because of all my visits/the flat in Turkey), that we hope will change somewhat when my boyfriend is able to work full time in a better job and save up (he will probably finish his education in January, plus finish paying his expensive dentist). But it is still like...his money is his money, I don't have a say if he wants to spend it on cigarettes, and I can buy any book I want, as long as we take care of the basics. The deal we made about the flat we shared this season was that I would pay for the flat and he would pay for electricity, internet, repairs and items we need. I think we will go for about the same deal for the next flat. It is practical because all the little things has to be physically payed (since Turks pay their bills in cash money, in a physical bank, not electronical money in the "internet bank" like I am used to in Norway).

With both guys, I find that the economy is in reality merging more and more, but still I like to keep my own bank accounts. I remember discovering that my parents had mostly joint accounts (and using their individual accounts like they were joint ones), and I never understood why. Even just the thought was very uncomfortable to me, and totally different from the idea of having your money that you can choose to be generous with once the basics are covered.

[snow]

Once I have my social security number, we will have one joint checking and savings account. I don't think allowances are good for relationships, nor do I think that you should have your own little stash of money. I had that with my ex and it created more problems than it was supposed to eliminate.

[vicks5721]

We have agreed we will have a joint checking account for bills and such and then separate ones for savings and items for our own individual hobbies and buying each other gifts birthday, anniversary etc. I think it is okay to have a separate account as well as a joint one, as long as you both are responsible with your finances and use your money wisely, I think it's okay as he enjoys fishing and I know every now and then he would get fishing gear, I enjoy crafts and I would buy stuff for that probably. When we have kids probably we will get a joint savings account for their future and saving for college and such things like that. I don't think it's having separate allowances, it's about having separate bit of money for hobbies mainly, our plan though is to pay bills first as top priority and then whatever we have left over goes on savings or activities etc. I know I can trust my fiance and it's normal to have separate hobbies or activities we enjoy doing, as well as doing things together of course, I agree with R&R it is difficult for gifts to be a surprise if you use a joint account for those kind of things.

[snow_girl]

nor do I think that you should have your own little stash of money.

I disagree 100%, but I'm curious why you think so.

[vicks5721]

I disagree 100%, but I'm curious why you think so.

I disagree too, it is okay to have your own money, as long as you are responsible and that all the bills are paid for each month, every couples needs time to hang out with their friends and like I said before for hobbies etc.

[lucybelle]

We split everything, one giant joint account. It is hard to secretly buy presents, but up til now it hasn't been too bad.

[Petals]

Thanks for the input guys. It's interesting reading the responses...keep them coming.

My SO and I will be discussing this soon, but I'm not too sure where I stand, so your experiences/practices are helping me formulate my own ideas. We already have a joint account because we are preparing to meet immigration visa requirements. It is used for things like airfare and my car repairs/servicing and I use it while I'm in Australia during visits.

We have to show that our finances are combined so I know we'll probably have another joint account.

I'm leaning towards having personal savings, but still unsure... I really want us to be transparent with finances as there were problems in my previous marriage regarding secrecy.

I like the discussion emerging re having separate savings.What are the pros and cons of having personal savings accounts?

[p_b82]

We had one joint account for all household expenses, but the remainder we kept to do with as we liked - it is 'our' money as individuals after all.

I paid a larger split into the shared account which left us with the same for our personal spending.... my ex pissed hers away every month and was always broke, I save then splash out on more expensive items periodically.

She always resented me for being better with money than her, but would not accept any help to budget better - I did get her to trace her spending for one month, and we saw she just burnt through cash with never anything to show for it - buying drinks for people, food out, gig tickets etc....

I had Tax free ISA's before we met, and still put money in them when I could - she had when we split up never saved a penny and was badly in debt, to me, the mortgage and the loan company.

[Miasmata]

I still gotta work out the exact details with my SO when the time comes, but we've already agreed that we'll have a big joint account for the majority of our money. I will be mostly in charge of financial planning since I'm much more of an organization nut than him, but we'll keep an equal foothold in things at all times. We also agreed not to work with allowances or anything like that, since we feel it would just bring too much of a risk for bickering and distrust. I do, however, want to have a decent financial plan to make sure we can save up enough for rainy days. I've entertained the idea of agreeing on a budget for leisure every month that we can both freely use. I will have to look into different scenarios. This has to be something we are absolutely 100% on the same page about. I would absolutely hate leaving anything to uncertainty and having my relationship messed up by fights over money. I wouldn't expect that to happen with my SO, but better safe than sorry.

Also, personally, I don't think I'll need my own bank account much anymore, but I don't see any harm in having your own savings as long as it doesn't create distrust with your partner, or becomes something you hold over their head.

[snow]

I disagree 100%, but I'm curious why you think so.

I disagree too, it is okay to have your own money, as long as you are responsible and that all the bills are paid for each month, every couples needs time to hang out with their friends and like I said before for hobbies etc.

People are jealous. You will always want what the other person has or you will want something equal. I've seen it with my parents and I've seen it with my sister and her husband. It's just not worth the hassle.
We agreed that we can spend a certain amount of money on things here and there every week without even telling the other person, which is for going out with friends, buying little gifts, hobbies, etc., but if it is something bigger we want, we will discuss the finances and if we can afford it. It's still our money, not mine or his.

[Petals]

People are jealous. You will always want what the other person has or you will want something equal. I've seen it with my parents and I've seen it with my sister and her husband. It's just not worth the hassle.
We agreed that we can spend a certain amount of money on things here and there every week without even telling the other person, which is for going out with friends, buying little gifts, hobbies, etc., but if it is something bigger we want, we will discuss the finances and if we can afford it. It's still our money, not mine or his.

I like the idea of not having to check in with each other for purchases below a certain amount.

[R&R]

I asked him about it last night and his response "However you want to do it, Babe. Doesn't matter to me". I'll probably be in charge of all household expenses and paying the bills. The plan is also that I will start doing all of the bookkepping for the business, so I'll most likely be in charge of handling everything.

For me, the pro of having my own savings it to have my own funds, a cushion and to be able to buy things for him without his prying eyes lol. With my first marriage, everything was joint. I was good with money and he wasn't. He KILLED our joint account while we were going through the divorce. I'll always have my own funds on the side just as a CYA.