Why doesn't he want to move for me? :(

[thecathyinthehat]

I know. Neither of us knows what we want, it's just confusing and all over the place. I talked to him about it because all of this has been bothering me so much. He doesn't really care that I don't want to have sex with him. I mean that he was surprised that I would say something like that because...I'm me.

I know. It's weird. I'm a teenager, I have depression, and I take antidepressants for it. I'm always inconsistent.

But anyways, I talked to him about him not considering to move and I just totally misunderstood him. His not moving was about him not wanting to give up on his career and I respect that. I don't want him to give up on that for me.

This is my first serious relationship. And this is both our first long-distance relationship. I'm 17, but I act like I'm 12. Gimme a break. >x<

And maybe the "sex addict" comment was a little weird. I mean...it has sort of been getting in the way, the sex thing. Not that I go out and like, makeout with random guys or hookup regularly on the weekends, but it makes me frustrated and a little pent up sometimes.

And we started going out a year ago.

Everything is really confusing. We almost broke up today. I can't have him tell me that he loves me because it makes him really hurt, but I kind of made this like, alternative to saying I love you that's sort of like it, but it doesn't have the emotional weight of saying it?

Kinda like Eurydice and Orpheus how Orpheus wasn't supposed to look back when he was taking her back to the land of the living but he looked back and lost her forever?

The real reason I need him to tell me that he loves me is because I'm insecure. I just need him to say that he's walking behind me and that he hasn't abandoned me.

It's like he's saying, "I'm here, with you. I'm still supporting you and running the race with you." I think that helped a lot.

[thecathyinthehat]

And he's 19.

I know, I know. No use in thinking about the future right now. But...if our future isn't together, then what's the point of this relationship?

[thecathyinthehat]

There are a couple of negative forces working between us this week, too.

My mom kept forgetting to buy my antidepressants, so I think I was suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

I take lexapro and one of the discontinuation symptoms is this weird little feeling in your head that's called a "brain zap". That's exactly how it felt.

If I was crying today, and I didn't know why I was crying AS I WAS CRYING, I must be PMSing.

I also have this really bad thing about not telling him what bothers me in our relationship because I don't want to make him feel bad or annoy him. Especially when it's stuff we've already talked about. He's told me that I need to stop doing it. I just have this habit of thinking that nobody wants to hear my thoughts and feelings, so I don't let them out and then they just explode out of me later...

[thecathyinthehat]

Which might be why I was incoherent to all of you.

[Zephii]

Ok, first up: No matter how messed up you are, no relationship you are in is going to work unless you have really good communication. That's it.

Seeming you're not actually dating, I would suggest dating locally. You're not committed, and it'd be useful to get a bit of life experience under your belt. International relationships tend to move forward slowly, but when they do, the change is dramatic. It's fine to think about the future, even good, because if you don't have a plan, it'll never happen - but you both must want it, and you both need to be equals in the relationship to make it work.

Hope that makes sense, coz i'm out of time

[LadyMarchHare]

Zephii's right. Me, I have a laundry list of mental issues but it doesn't mean anything beyond I have bad days and take pills. Disorders, especially depression, aren't excuses.

And like I said in an earlier post, you guys need to get your act together or just break up before you even entertain the thought of moving, either one of you, much less fight about it and start planning x number of years down the road. Like Zephii said, since you guys are not committed to one another, get some casual dates and the like under your belt locally, meet new people, and maybe you'll find someone you can spend a year or two with. You're too young to worry about 'forever'. Hell, I feel I'm too young to worry about it too so I try to live for the day. Just take it slow, chica.

[Casey]

I'm agreeing with what everyone else is saying, but I would also like to add - if you love someone it does not matter where they live for you to move to.
I live in Brisbane, QLD, Australia - a metropolitan capital city with plenty of education and career opportunities.
He lives in Albury, NSW, Australia - a large rural town with high crime rates and low entertainment activities, and limited education and career opportunities.
I am moving to Albury, and while I was freaked about moving from city to rural, I knew it was the right choice because I love him and want to be with him. There was no chance I was going to stay in Brisbane without the most important person in my life.
I am applying to distance education universities to build on my undergrad degree, and applying to only a few select jobs but ensuring they are what I want to do.
If you want it, you will make it happen... and it doesn't sound like you two may want it.