Deciding who moves where :( SO STRESSFUL!

[MissVampyxo]

Basically I live in North East Ohio and he's from Miami, Florida.

I have been stressing so much about who's going to move where and also about what I'm even planning on doing for college. I graduate in spring and I really would love to go to college there because they have a lot of the degrees I would like look into. Ohio, doesn't have good colleges especially in the fields I'd want to be in.
I'm also afraid of when one of us moves to the other place, what if we hate it or want to move somewhere else? It's so stressful! He's been here once so far and is going to be here again during December and I still have yet to go and see Miami. I have been on vacation to Florida once but it was in Daytona and honestly I HATED it, I hate the hot and I was sick just about the entire vacation I was there and I'm extremely nervous if I'd be able to handle living in a place like that.

As far as family goes-
My family will be more financially stable and would help us out A LOT. They plan on buying me a house once they pay off a few more things, so obviously I think it'd be better if he came here because we'd have a free house lol! His family are not so much financially stable, but are the most loving and caring families I've ever met. I honestly can't stand being around my family that much so I'd love to be with his...but like I said mine are more financially stable and can help us with money a lot more.

As far as jobs go-
Neither of us can find a job, we've both been trying for months and we can't get hired anywhere. So I'd hate to go there (I'd be living with him and his parents until I can attend college) And not be able to also get a job and help around the house.

College-
Like I said I wouldn't mind going to college there because they have the fields I'd like to go into whereas Ohio doesn't. The closet college(s) to me that offer my interests are almost 2 hours away so we'd might have to even move to a different city if we stay here.
He's already in college, and plans on going into radiology so he has his college all figured out already.

I feel like I should be the one to move since I don't like my family that much...but I'm SO extremely scared of moving, period. Though of course it's going to be hard for him if not harder since he's more closer to his family.

I just have no idea how to even put these into categories of pros and cons...and it's going to be so hard for both of us but even more scary for me since I'm younger than him, haven't had a job, haven't been on a plane, haven't moved or even been away from my parents that much.

Not to mention, I have a car.. and he doesn't. So if I were to move I'd have to figure out a plan to get my things in my tiny ass car AND drive all that way to Florida lol!

Can anyone give any input or advice? I just don't understand how some people have done this already it's so stressful and hard to keep calm about it.
Thanks so much for reading!

[snow_girl]

If you ended up moving to him for school and didn't really like it there, you don't have to stay there forever. I am sure you could fit the things you need in your car or have someone help you move with a uhaul. I moved to a tiny town that I don't particularly like for my SO, but I came for him not for where we are living. I know it isn't a permanent thing and so it doesn't matter to much to me. I don't think staying where you are just so that you can mooch off your parents is necessarily a good enough reason. It might be nice to be fortunate to have rich parents but you need to be able to do things on your own and if you don't even like your family then it just seems a bit selfish to stay for a house.You said you like his family, so why not give florida a try and if it is horrible there then you always have something to fall back on. Deciding who moves isn't always easy, don't rush into it just for the sake of being together if you both don't 100% agree on who is going where.

[Bethypoo]

As far as family goes-[/B]
My family will be more financially stable and would help us out A LOT. They plan on buying me a house once they pay off a few more things, so obviously I think it'd be better if he came here because we'd have a free house lol! His family are not so much financially stable, but are the most loving and caring families I've ever met. I honestly can't stand being around my family that much so I'd love to be with his...but like I said mine are more financially stable and can help us with money a lot more.

As far as jobs go-
Neither of us can find a job, we've both been trying for months and we can't get hired anywhere. So I'd hate to go there (I'd be living with him and his parents until I can attend college) And not be able to also get a job and help around the house.

The whole buying you a house thing would have me sold. Especially because the job search is equally poor in both places then that shouldnt make a difference. And if you hate it that bad then there may be resentment later. Just my thought.

[rubydissolution]

I can relate to all of these issues. My SO attempted to move here, conditions were similar to what you've described. I would say the only difference is that i'm the one close to my family and he is not. So he moved here, free place to stay, no car, no job. Just him and a suitcase, oh and a cat. I can tell you from experience that if he moves there and can't find a job he's probably gonna feel guilty about mooching off of you and your family. Also if he has no car you have to drive him around, when your not there he's kind of stuck. Unless you live in an Urban area, i don't know. I think the best option for you (and seemingly me for that matter, bc he went back home to Oregon. I'm in NY) is to give Florida a shot. Apply to a few schools down there. You know his family will be supportive and kind to you in your education and your relationship. Sure its a drive but see if you can arrange for him to fly to you so you can take the trip together. Make it a road trip. If you don't like Florida or things don't work out you always have home and your family to fall back on. Lots of people go away to school, but you'll have a big advantage bc you will have him. I hope this helps. Good luck!

[MadMolly]

There was only one option for us - I would move there. Reasons being;

1. He has commitments in Canada, namely his band and his established career, whereas I have finished university and work full-time in a job field that's available in practically every city in the world (libraries).
2. I have plenty of savings to move.
3. I have wanted to leave this country for the last 10 years.
4. It's much easier for me to get into Canada than it would be for him to get here...
5. Canada is way more awesome than NZ!

I guess you just have to weigh up the pros and cons. Remember nothing has to be permanent - can you try one option for a year or 2 and then something else?

[MissVampyxo]

Thanks to everyone for replying, it helped a lot. I really just need to hopefully be getting on a plane around my birthday to go see him in February. I'm just dead nervous and scared since I've never been on one and I wouldn't even know what to do! And even though I don't like my family I still care a lot for my parents so for me leaving and not seeing them everyday anymore, it would be weird and scary actually!

[13000km]

We made the decision based on a few things. 1. Universities in Singapore are too competitive even for me to get into, he would have a hard time transferring. 2. I hated the high-flying lifestyle of Singapore. It's crowded and expensive. 3. The cost of living here is cheaper than in Singapore since his mom offered to let me rent a room in her house for really cheap, he has a stable part time job he's been working at for almost 4 years and everything isn't unreasonably expensive here. 4. He's not the hot and humid weather loving kind of guy and that's what Singapore is like all year round, whereas I've never experienced seasons and wanted to (I've had enough of the cold now./

As far as money goes, I realised since moving that I can live on a much smaller budget than I ever expected myself to be able to. Also, at least you have a car. I was limited to 46kg (100lbs) and 2 suitcases when I moved. I wish you guys all the best in closing the distance. (:

[lucybelle]

Do you have a timeline of when you want to close the distance? Just have a good conversation and decide what is going to be the best for both of you. You seem flexible with moving, is he?

Our decision was pretty easy. It'd be a cold day in hell when he could get sponsored for a work visa in the USA. Much easier for me to find work here.

[BlueCat]

Just remember, that whatever decision you make, nothing is permanent. If you're there for a year and it doesn't work out, then you can try the other option. That's really what consoles me when I get scared of possibly moving to/staying in the U.S, is how much I'll miss my home country. But nothing is permanent.

[Sierra]

As far as I see it, there is really only one way for us to close the distance. He currently has a job, his family and friends, and a happy life. I have a job I can quit after March, earn an extra $5,000 and I could more easily find a job there.

I have to go there, I have no friends here, my family is falling apart, it's really time for me to have the adventure of my life and make a change. The odd thing is, my current job aside, I always knew that I would move to where he was. It isn't such a big deal, because we're only a few states apart, but I always knew I'd be the one to go to him.

I'm just more excited about it than I thought it would be.