Long distance friendships

[snow_girl]

My SO and I closed the distance 6 months ago, but while that relationship became close distance it meant I gained a whole lot more long distance friendships. I know they are not the same as an LDR, you don't have to worry about insecurity issues and talking daily but they still suck. I was in Germany 3 years ago and while there I made some great friends. So ever since moving abroad no matter when I am, I am in a long distance friendship.

The one nice thing is that even if we don't hear from each other for weeks and weeks its never a problem to catch back up. But it is hard to find time to skype or with my friends that are in Europe to find time to visit. I miss not being able to call someone up for a coffee date or to just hang out and have a girls night. I love living with my SO but I definitely feel lonely sometimes not having any friends nearby. I write letters back and forth from one friend which is nice but it isn't quite the same.

I'm sure I am not the only one with LDFs, so how do you deal with them? Do you talk often? Is there anything you do to keep your friendships exciting/alive?

[NaNi]

I met a good friend over the internet. He lived around 600 km away from me. I never saw it as a "long distance friendship", although obviously it was. I just never thought like that. We mainly kept in contact through MSN. We also had two visits. We're no longer friends anymore, though.

[mllebamako]

I studied abroad several times and now live with my SO abroad so for the past 6 years, most of my friendships have been long-distance. For me personally, I've found that it's much easier not to put any pressure on myself or the friend. It's hard to find times to talk or to write long email updates and if we put a lot of pressure on each other to keep in touch, we'll just end up mad at each other.
But no, I don't really do anything to keep them "exciting". Mostly, I've just come to accept that we'll talk once a month or so and have a nice long update and have some good laughs or some serious talks. But that's about it. I miss having more in the friendship (nights out, coffee dates, movie nights, etc). But with the time difference and everyone's busy schedules, I know it can't be much more than what it is.

(this post kind of makes me sound like a downer! I really am not, just realistic about the limitations )

[Mara]

I've had a lot of friendships with people I've met abroad or friendships that ended in one of us moving away. It's hard sometimes to maintain these friendships, but I've always caught up and maintained these friendships through email, the occasional phone call, letters, postcards, skype, and of course, Facebook helps a bit with keeping up with people who live far away.

In the end though, the friendship does change a bit and it isn't quite the same at all through no fault of anyone's. It's just the way it is.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I'm friends with a number of people I met whilst playing online games a few years ago. Most I don't keep in contact with but over facebook, I've stayed in touch with others. I think my best online friend would have to be Laura_N, we keep in daily contact and although we've only known each other for a few months, we're close friends. My parents don't approve of my LDFs but they live with it.

[raiblade3]

I have tons of LD friends :/ Friends that were CD are now LD when i moved and vice versa with my LD friends.... Nd then i have friends that have always been LD and then i have my claimed Family members that Have always been LD :/

[Lissy]

My best friend from junior high and high school moved away for college. It really sucked, and we went through a rough patch in our friendship for a while, but it's a lot better now. We text each other daily, have phone calls pretty regularly, sometimes Skype, and keep in touch through facebook. It's not the same, and I miss getting woken up by her phone calls on the weekend telling me to "wake up, lazy, we're going to get a Coke," but she does come back to our home town to visit me and other friends sometimes. Of course, when she's able to visit, I'm usually taking the opportunity of a break in school to visit my SO, so I didn't get to see her the last time she visited, and I probably won't get to see her when she visits during Christmas break, so that's kind of disappointing. I miss her, I love her, but I think we'll always be friends, as long as we make the effort to keep in touch.

[DemonxOisin]

I was thinking about starting this thread myself haha. My best friend in the world just moved to Calgary. I kind of treat it the same was as I do with my LDR with Miguel. Ahh, long distance, the story of my life. I miss her so much D: At least moving to be with Miguel will bring me considerably closer to her than I am now.

[Zephii]

I have a lot of LDFs, though the distance varies from a few hours to international. I'm a bad friend really. Having LDFs helped me with that a bit because when I was in Canada with no mates I realised I appreciate the ones I have here a whole lot, so now I make an effort to see them.

With one mate, I have an ongoing poke-war on FB. We poke each other at least once a day, if not more. And have done for about 8 months now lol. So, there's always that contact even when we don't make time for each other.
Some friends, I find, are easier to be with than to talk to - and that's where it gets tricky. But we swap very basic facebook messages in between meets so we know each other are alive and well. Not every exciting.

I find sending funny things to people helps keep the friendship fun, and no, forwarding that chain email is not counted

One of my best mates back in Canada I skype with fairly often, we try and stay involved in each other's lives. She shows me the new clothes she buys, her hair cuts, her pets... basically anything she can think of. When I'm skyping in to d&d (her partner plays, but she doesn't) she'll stand in the back ground and we make little hearts with our hands and stuff haha. Our SOs are best mates and have been since forever. We also play a lot of games like "My dream house" "my dream nursery" etc.

So, nothing special. I guess individual personalities come through and shape the type of contact LDFs have. I like to just remind them i'm thinking of them, even when I have nothing to say.

[Engel]

Yes, I have friends everywhere, though it seems everywhere BUT where i live. i mean, i have people i talk to, and all.... but not good friends that live in karlsruhe for example. not people i call when i need or nvite for a coffe anytime of the day.

I also miss that. but before I didnt even know anyone even not being frieends, so it got better. i believe with time we can find friends close to us. and being with our SOs is worthy it all in the end of the day.

[LilyChiba]

Because I've been on forums for the last 7-8 years, I've gained a fair amount of LDFs in multiple countries. Now whilst I don't talk to a lot of them on a regular basis, there are a few I do talk to almost every day, if not weekly. I skype with them and play MMOs, chat on facebook and share silly sites. All that kind of stuff. We may disappear for a bit, but we're always there for each other when we need to be.

[Dziubka]

Maybe I'm a bad friend, but for me friendships are different from romantic relationships in (among others) the way that you don't have to stay in contact all the time.
Like if my boyfriend didn't text me for a whole day or didn't call, then I'd be upset and angry at him. If a friend doesn't call me up for a whole week than I think s/he probably has something better to do and is very busy. And when they do call/write/whatever I'm not upset but happy that they did call in the end.
My ex roommate is one of my closest friends. And we have seen each other once for a few hours in the last three years. We talk on facebook chat and send mails to keep each other updated on our lives, but not very often or regularly. I have other long distance friends, from school or my gap year, that I see maybe once or twice a year, but we usually don't have a lot of contact in between the visits. Which is fine for me. Actually people who get possessive in friendships sort of creep me out a little.

Generally I think long distance friendships are harder than relationships. Usually you don't plan to close the distance (I'd be creeped out to the max if a friend decided to move somewhere for me) and long distance requires a lot of work and commitment. Seeing as you normally have more than one friend it's sort of difficult to divide that up between people.
I have an LDR with my mum and with my boyfriend and I talk on the phone to my close-distance friends who don't live in the same complex a lot. How many hours would I have to spend on the phone everyday if I wanted to stay in close regular contact with long distance friends as well?!

I've moved so often, though, I make new friends fairly easily. Like friends as in people I can meet for coffee or beer.

[lucybelle]

My friends from high school are my closest friends in the world. But that being said, I feel like we're all so different now. Like in high school, if you had the same lunch schedule, you were friends. Now we all have different opinions and do different things. Every year we get together and party like there's no tomorrow and catch up and laugh. But throughout the year it's mostly facebook status comments and the likes. I really miss hanging out with girlfriends and gossiping. Gotta say that LFAD has kind of filled that part of my life for me... Since being in CR (almost 4 months) I've only skyped with one friend. The rest I send an email when I think about it, and I do write letters to friends. I feel like I'm pretty good at keeping up with my good friends, if only once or twice a month. But to be honest, nothing much changes in their lives anyways...

[Lumos]

I recently graduated from college, so now my friends are all over the place (and unfortunately none of them are here ). I'm not very good at staying in touch with people when we don't see each other almost every day. I'll intend to call or text somebody, and never get around to it. I'll go through periods of time when I'm really good at maintaining online friendships, but eventually my interests change, and I'll lose touch. Lately, I haven't even been good about keeping in touch with my family except for my youngest sister who calls me every day

That being said, my relationship with my SO started out as a long distance friendship. We've been long distance friends for almost 4 years now and have managed to maintain at least weekly contact the whole time.

[Haley53]

Actually people who get possessive in friendships sort of creep me out a little.

Not to mention if it reaches a point that's difficult to deal with... So I hear you. :P

I meet a lot of people online. I chat to a lot of people online. I have a handful I talk with daily, some distance in the sense they live in a different state and some who live in different countries. I have other friends with whom I only catch up with once in a blue moon, and some who I keep up with semi-annually.

I can't say I've ever Skyped with my friends (not like a proper Skype) but we've sent videos to each other and have occasionally talked on the phone. Mostly it's through MSN or PMs/e-mail/Facebook, though.

The only experience I have with "long-distance" friends is moving three hours from the town I once lived in and we all eventually fell out of touch or I simply stopped talking. Part of that was due to what happened after our move - I didn't have the energy to keep in regular contact/plan visits - but a lot of it too was that we weren't great friends to begin with, I think.