I feel so disgusted now!

[dukes2011]

I am so sorry this happened to you! I think your feelings are very normal and just remember you are strong and will get through this awful situation. I can't believe he used you like that and would also love to give him a piece of my mind even though I don't know either of you. Us girls stick together :-) If you are religious, talking to a religious leader may help you. They would not judge you if that's what you're afraid of. Even if you are not religious, almost all of them will help you if you seek it. Unfortunately a lot of people go through jerks before they find the one, but it will make finding him that much better. You deserve to be treated with respect and I know you will find someone who does. Hope I helped and remember the LFAD community is here for you!!

[annb8888]

I read your other thread and sweetie, it's not your fault to trust him. You were with him for 6 months! And he could put it up for 6 months? He's such a jerk. I can't believe some people can keep a relationship for 6 months then dumping when they see each other in person.

Now I'm a little anxious about my meeting with my SO this december. I emailed him your story and I asked him again and again today if sex was the only thing he wanted from me. So far, he said no but I can't be sure until we do meet. To be frank, I am a lil scared he'll see me and I dont meet his expectations - but thinking that he's seen me on skype video in my worst hours (cause we have 13 hour difference so we video either when I just woke up or when im about to sleep where I have no powder, no lipstick, no makeup, just my bare skin) .... Im a lil positive that he'll not get disappointed. gawd, im scared.

but you'll be fine soon, sweetie. just hang in there. there's nothing in this world that God would give us that we cannot bear.

[annb8888]

Someone that knows the woman is in love with him, knows he doesnt love her, knows she doesnt have a casual view on sex (on the opposite), knows he will leave her within 24 hours after they had sex... and still does it anyway, and asks her for money as the cherry on top, isn't even worthy of the title man. He needs to grow up, this immature self centered bastart. Im really mad right now.

gosh, I totally agree with Engel on this one. If he's a man of good character & he doesn't love you, he should've stopped before you even thought of planning to go see him.

[uniquefem]

*hugs*

Sweeetyyy..... no, don't think bad about your self! thats exactly what the slimeball want you to do! made you feel down and sad.

Be strong, it took time to forget about this.. took time to heal.. but you will make it i promise that!

Look how many friends you got here to stand by your side and swear going to kick that jerk ass hahaha.... always try to see the positive side from a bad thing... every clouds had it silver lining.. and yours is:
You know this sooner before it get any worse!!

Be happy for your self smile and do that singing and happy time dancing every morning!

And yes, you should ask about the money! its big money for me---better to give to a children charity than to let him have it!!

*hugs*

[London-FortCollins]

Sweetie I am so so sorry that he treated you this way. You did not deserve that and he is total and utter scum.

Please try and believe and remember that this is in no way your fault. Don't feel guilty or beat yourself up for giving yourself to him. He is the liar and manipulator (and by the sounds of it a scarily good one). It is not your fault that you believed his lies. Not in anyway at all. This is all his fault.

I understand you feel taken advantage of, and that will take time to move forward from but you will in time. And it will get better in time as you accept and can wholeheartedly say "This is not my fault".

As for the money....I know it sucks but I think you might have to cut your losses on that one. He is not worth contacting to try and get back some money (unless it was a really large amount maybe) but if your finances can cope without it then don't let the potential hurt and anger he can cause be a trade off for getting the money back.

We're here for you. You will get through this in time. *Hugs*

[Joyce:)]

Thank you joyce92ts. Thank you. When I think about what he has done...how he lied so much..it kind of scares me....i wonder what else he was lying about? I hate to dwell on this...and i try not to..but a little time will pass..and i will think that i'm doing ok at least...and then i will slide backwards again. I was in a bad place emotionally and I just had to get it out.....and you were nice enough to listen

It's okay to feel like this, to need to vent and to be angry. Allow yourself a few days to process things, and then, although it may sound bananas, move on (oh well, make sure he gives you your money back even when you move on).Unfortunately good people get hurt, and bad people at times get away with things.. but karma is a bitch, so sit back and relax, sooner or later you fill find the right one

[LuvSsw]

I did read your previous thread on that and I was really bothered in disbelief that he could be so cruel and this info just makes it ever-so-baffling. So sorry you had to go through that. I think aggie brought up a lot of good points though that maybe, unfortunately, we are very naive and easily manipulated and all we can do is learn from it. I'm battling with that point in my current relationship in how we can be so blind so I really do wish the best for you to find a man who really will treat you and love you like you deserve. With regards to the money, it depends on the amount but if its fairly big you could try something like a small court claims if he really does not budge and you have proof..that was suggested to me when I was trying to get money back from my ex. I don't know the details of how it works since I just didn't bother. However, if its a small amount and just from my personal experience in having to contact my ex to get money back, it just delays healing and the feeling of disgust was resurfaced in my case and not worth it in my opinion.

Yes you have a point...is the money worth more heartache? It just add another example that illustrates the low nature of his character. I am learning from this. I've been having some supremely weak moments i admit. I'm glad that I've found a place to vent..to some degree. I hope I haven't abused that. I always prided myself on the importance of balance in my life. I don't seem to be achieving this lately. But I won't stop trying. Thank you

[LuvSsw]

Thank you Alemap. I like that quote. I am a little better today. I have calmed down some. And that makes my mind clearer and more able to take in what is being said to me. I'm thinking about the 'red flags'....and wow...i'm starting to realise there were several..very subtle..but they were there. And yes..my feelings were true...and then i'm thinking about how they were true for a fake persona ultimately. Someone here called it 'chasing a ghost'. I will not allow this experience to turn me bitter..i promise that to myself and to the people surrounding me. He will not win.

[LuvSsw]

Gosh, Im speechless. How much money we are talking about here, if you are ok with answering this?


Someone that knows the woman is in love with him, knows he doesnt love her, knows she doesnt have a casual view on sex (on the opposite), knows he will leave her within 24 hours after they had sex... and still does it anyway, and asks her for money as the cherry on top, isn't even worthy of the title man. .

He owes me a few hundred...
You listed my thoughts exactly! And this guy doesn't have the benefit of blaming his immaturity on age..because he's older. I know men half his age who are much more mature....now that I look back and face the picture of him that is forming ...the true picture.

[Laura_N]

I just wanted to express again how sorry I am that you have to go through something like this. I followed your previous thread and he indeed is such a pig, nobody deserves to be treated the way he treated you. I wish you all the best and send you loads of hugs xxx

[LuvSsw]

...



Do you honestly believe that all women are naive and easily manipulated? Why would you make such a broad (categorically untrue, offensive, counterproductive, take your pick) statement to someone who is hurting and needs to feel empowered? How does this help her at all? How does promoting this incredibly narrow-minded and damaging stereotype help anyone?

I thought knowing that she's not the only one dealing with such problems would be of help. Wouldnt it ?
We all (well, sorry, some of us ) have to deal with it and learn from our mistakes. That's what life is, it holds bad and good things for us.
Well, I'm sorry that I used such generalisation, but throughout my entire life I cannot recall a girl/a woman that would be strong enough to avoid any traps that are on the way. There's men like that in this world, but there's also good men around who'd deserve the love of LuvSsw and would never ever hurt her.

Well, yes, I agree with you, but there's a difference between reassuring someone that everyone makes mistakes and making a damaging generalization about women in general.

I appreciate both of you. I find value in it all. CynicalQuixotic....I love that you focus on my need to be empowered. It helps to take away the draw to have a 'pity party' . It's a loving virtual 'slap' that says..'snap out of it...embrace your life'! Thank you

Aggie, you are my virtual shoulder to cry on So...I can talk it out....face my feelings so that then I can become stronger.
I don't usually internalize generalizations.....I was able to see the core message that you were meaning to convey

[aggie]

Uff. Good to know I didnt cause any more confusion here. (I didn't think it was that damaging, but then again, I didn't mean to offend anyone, so for that I apologise.)
Anytime, honey, anytime

If it's a few hundread, then really maybe getting him to pay you back in small instalments would be an option ?

[CynicalQuixotic]

I appreciate both of you. I find value in it all. CynicalQuixotic....I love that you focus on my need to be empowered. It helps to take away the draw to have a 'pity party' . It's a loving virtual 'slap' that says..'snap out of it...embrace your life'! Thank you

But please don't think you don't have a right to be upset, though, because you absolutely do. That guy did a really low, shitty thing to you and I would be completely heartbroken as well if I were in your place. I just don't want you to feel as if it was your fault, or think that you're a person that is easily manipulated, because what happened to you could've happened to anyone.

[LuvSsw]

dukes2011-it has crossed my mind to talk with a counselor or something, but I think they would probably tell me the very things that everyone here tells me...I guess that means I owe everyone $ for their services

annb8888- I didn't mean to make you feel nervous. I think my experience can make one want to be cautious and have their eyes a little wider open in their relationships. That's a generally good thing to do..and can be done while still enjoying the relationship. please let me know how goes

uniquefem- you DID tell me to do the happy dance before didn't you? I think I forgot the steps I will make up my own then. The money thing..it's over...i will donate to childrens charites with my own money when i finish school Let him have it if he needs it that bad...i don't want to contact him.

London-FortCollins- I'm walking around mumbling to myself, "This is not my fault"...my mantra for today. I was just telling someone..and i think i may have posted as well..how scarily good he is at manipulating. I won't ever approach things the same way again. And as I told uniquefem...I'm letting the $ issue go. He's just not worth the effort anymore. Thank you for your advice

[LuvSsw]

Hugs back Laura_N you really are like that rainbow in your picture aren't you? thank you so much.