I feel so disgusted now!

[London-FortCollins]

London-FortCollins- I'm walking around mumbling to myself, "This is not my fault"...my mantra for today. I was just telling someone..and i think i may have posted as well..how scarily good he is at manipulating. I won't ever approach things the same way again. And as I told uniquefem...I'm letting the $ issue go. He's just not worth the effort anymore. Thank you for your advice

You are very welcome. Right now it might just seem like words, but over time they will make more sense, and you'll look at the whole situation in a different light.

And can I just say I love that you take the time to reply to every single person - thats very thoughtful of you Most certainly his major MAJOR loss to not realise what he had. You do deserve way better.

[Engel]

He owes me a few hundred...
You listed my thoughts exactly! And this guy doesn't have the benefit of blaming his immaturity on age..because he's older. I know men half his age who are much more mature....now that I look back and face the picture of him that is forming ...the true picture.

age isnt something to define someone anymore. I was telling my SO that children are having children. and i wasnt talking about 16 or 17 year olds, rather, older people, that are so childish at an older age i think they never matured.

one of my best friends father, found out she has a tatoo. she is 20. he was saying all kind of bad things, like she may be sleeping around, doing drugs or who kows what else, because thats what 'people do nowadays'...

she is oe of the most mature persons I ever saw. she had her first kiss and her first time with the same guy. with whom she still is together, when she was almost 20. she never did things because other people did. and there is her father, acting like a stubbor child, telling her all sort or hurtful things because things arent exactly as he wanted. boo-hoo.


sorry for the rambling, what im saying is that some people never grow up. if you dont want something/dont like something, talk about it like an adult, instead of doing something important 'just because', like that guy did to you, or to say offensive things where they should never be said, like the case of my friend and her father. if he didnt like what she did, ok, he is entitled, but he should not almost call his daughter a whore. that is just not right in any way shape or form.

[Minerva]

Just want to offer some *hugs* and say I'm glad you're feeling a little better. You did nothing wrong in trusting him. Manipulative people are masters at earning trust. You're not a fool -- he's a sociopathic asshole.

*hugs again*

[Alemap]

Thank you Alemap. I like that quote. I am a little better today. I have calmed down some. And that makes my mind clearer and more able to take in what is being said to me. I'm thinking about the 'red flags'....and wow...i'm starting to realise there were several..very subtle..but they were there. And yes..my feelings were true...and then i'm thinking about how they were true for a fake persona ultimately. Someone here called it 'chasing a ghost'. I will not allow this experience to turn me bitter..i promise that to myself and to the people surrounding me. He will not win.

Good for you!

[floridaellen]

Unfortunately there are people in life who take advantage of others. There is nothing you could have done about it. He led you on. Don't beat yourself up over it. Given time you will get over it and find someone who loves you for you.

[LuvSsw]

And can I just say I love that you take the time to reply to every single person - thats very thoughtful of you Most certainly his major MAJOR loss to not realise what he had. You do deserve way better.

awwww..your makin me blush..LOL

---------- Post added at 11:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:17 PM ----------

Manipulative people are masters at earning trust. You're not a fool -- he's a sociopathic asshole.

*hugs again*

Oh this is brilliant!....I need to write it in big marker and tape it to my wall..so i can see it everyday.

[LuvSsw]

Unfortunately there are people in life who take advantage of others. There is nothing you could have done about it. He led you on. Don't beat yourself up over it. Given time you will get over it and find someone who loves you for you.

And you know what??? So many of you are saying this to me..that's I do feel it's totally possibel! Today was a better day....I've begun to feel more turned off by him than all that "I miss him soo much" type of feeling. I'm realising that he is one sick puppy (mentally). I still feel sad if I think to deep or long or start visualizing things....but I'm getting better at turning the channel in MY mind . Lately I've had it on the 'Pity' channel or the 'Pining away for an asshole channel' ....I try to change it to the 'Be a better person channel'..or maybe 'Food Network'! LOL see what you guys do to me?? you're making me happy and silly

[LuvSsw]

age isnt something to define someone anymore. I was telling my SO that children are having children. and i wasnt talking about 16 or 17 year olds, rather, older people, that are so childish at an older age i think they never matured.

Yeah, It's almost like they became trapped in one of their stages of development as a child. It is rather unfortunate because as you pointed out...they affect others by their actions which are rooted in immaturity or unresolved issues.

[ioanna]

i'm really sorry you went through this! you are in no way guilty of anything! this man abused your trust! i totally second minerva on this "Manipulative people are masters at earning trust."
if you see the need for it, i encourage you to seek out help. there's no shame in it, and hey might have the right words for your situation.. Big hugs!

[greensweatergirl]

Anyone who would lead someone on like this and then have the gall to ask them for money as well is a massive douchebag who doesn't deserve you. I was happy to read that you realize this and that you're feeling better than when you originally posted.

[LuvSsw]

i'm really sorry you went through this! you are in no way guilty of anything! this man abused your trust! i totally second minerva on this "Manipulative people are masters at earning trust."
if you see the need for it, i encourage you to seek out help. there's no shame in it, and hey might have the right words for your situation.. Big hugs!

Isn't that awesome?...Minerva's statement? It made something click in my head when I read that. That's why I want to put it on my wall And in case you haven't noticed...I'm getting my therapy right here in this forum..you guys are great! I wish I could carry you all in my pocket or something because I always feel better...much much better....after reading all the wonderful words of encouragement. But I have thought of seeking help....it's not an impossibility....as I've thought of many things to help me along. Thank you~

[LuvSsw]

Anyone who would lead someone on like this and then have the gall to ask them for money as well is a massive douchebag who doesn't deserve you. I was happy to read that you realize this and that you're feeling better than when you originally posted.

Yes! And DARE i say it......I feel a weight lifting now that I am realising it and I'm no longer holding on to that little shred of hope. You know what I'm talking about?..That little hope that you still hold that maybe they really do love you and it's all a big mistake. HA! As much as I didn't want to admit it...it was there..that hoping crap. After my raging vent that spawned this thread and reading once again all of the thoughtful advice..idk something started to change in me...I think i AM better. I get nervous that I'll relapse or something because the pain isn't totally gone...it's just muted...more in the background. It still takes up alot of my thinking...but it's somehow...different. I told someone once that it was like my mind was not my own. It was as if there was someone who had the key to the control room in my mind . Whenever I wanted to just NOT think about it and I would try to thik of something else...that person in the 'control room' would change the channel back to the one about 'him'. Well.....I think I got the keys back now

[greensweatergirl]

I would be scared if you weren'tfeeling any pain. I don't know anybody who can shut their heart off and on whenever they want to. But I think when you can objectively look at somebody's actions and realize they aren't the actions of a caring person it opens the door to putting closure on a relationship. As you said, you're putting yourself in control, even if you still have the harder moments. You're heading in the right direction.

You also have five pages worth of people who are willing to help you through all this. Yay!

[HollzHeartsChris]

Pardon my language, but what. a. dick. You're better off without him in your life. I'm really sorry this had to happen and I think you're much better off in the long term without someone this unworthy of you in your life. You deserve MUCH better than someone like him.

[KiwiLove]

Aw...I feelm so sorry for you for going through all this
Obviosly he is a huge big A*se*ole, one of many out there...
HE doesnt deserve you, not even one single tear your crying for him!! I know..its hard you dont want to be it like that but I think you should text him, saying that he really really did hurt you with what he has done and acted to you!!! And I would tell him, that your not sure to want to be in contact with him anymore because all you feel is just hurt.

hm.....men can be horrible bastards!! My first "boyfriend" was just like this guy.
It took me a very long time to get over him as I thought I loved him at this time.
When I met my current boyfriend I was scared he would be the same, playing with me and so on...but soon I saw he was the complete opposite of this other d*ckhead and I also felt, that I really was in love.

Im sure you will meet another guy, one who deserves you, one who is kind gentle and caring to you!!! x