You are probably wondering why I am on here then instead of cherishing the last few moments...but its because I am so sick with sadness that I can't do much more than sit here not talking. Besides, some good vibes and support when I get home from dropping him at the airport will do alot to cheer me up through the sobs.
I am just so torn up about it. I didn't know it would hurt this much, that it could hurt this much. Spent so much time not thinking about this day that now its here I feel blindsided by the pain. He is coming back in 8 months, but that seems an eternity when I was used to 24/7 with him, touching him, kissing him, sleeping next to him. I almost regret sometimes having him visit, since without the visit I sometimes think it would have been easier to be LD. I didn't have a clue what I was missing, and as much as I loved him before I love him 3x as much now. Yet these 2 months were the best of my life. I am just in so much pain, I feel like I am about to say goodbye to my happiness, like I am signing up for 8 months of loneliness. I love him so much, I am 25 and have dated so many men, but he is so much more than they ever were. I love him more than I ever knew I could, and he made my life something I never thought it could be. I was so much happier, so much more laid back while he was here. I worry he will leave and I will go back to my old life of being a hermit, lonely in my apartment and depressed. I can still talk to him everyday on Skype...but now that just seems so cold and distant.
Overall, this just sucks. I don't want to cry, but maybe I should to get it out? Gah...I am just so much so hurting....it feels so unfair
I am just so torn up about it. I didn't know it would hurt this much, that it could hurt this much. Spent so much time not thinking about this day that now its here I feel blindsided by the pain. He is coming back in 8 months, but that seems an eternity when I was used to 24/7 with him, touching him, kissing him, sleeping next to him. I almost regret sometimes having him visit, since without the visit I sometimes think it would have been easier to be LD. I didn't have a clue what I was missing, and as much as I loved him before I love him 3x as much now. Yet these 2 months were the best of my life. I am just in so much pain, I feel like I am about to say goodbye to my happiness, like I am signing up for 8 months of loneliness. I love him so much, I am 25 and have dated so many men, but he is so much more than they ever were. I love him more than I ever knew I could, and he made my life something I never thought it could be. I was so much happier, so much more laid back while he was here. I worry he will leave and I will go back to my old life of being a hermit, lonely in my apartment and depressed. I can still talk to him everyday on Skype...but now that just seems so cold and distant.
Overall, this just sucks. I don't want to cry, but maybe I should to get it out? Gah...I am just so much so hurting....it feels so unfair
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