Here we go again..

[screammaayday]

Hello all. Most of you know my story, from the various threads I've posted about what I've gone through with my ex. And for those of you who are sick of hearing about it, I'm sorry. But I just need some opinions/support.

Last night, at about 2 AM, my ex texted me. I haven't talked to her since about a week after the breakup, so that'd be 3 months now. I have taken my time to grieve and to find myself again. At the moment, I have been talking to a woman who is local. We have expressed affection for each other and are both willing to see where it leads. She knows of my situation with my ex and I have been completely honest about it.

Anyway. My ex texted me. At first, it was civil. I will post the messages so there is no confusion:

2:01 AM
Hey, I know I shouldn't just randomly text you like this but I don't think I will ever be able to fall asleep if I don't. Can you please just hear me out?

2:14 AM
I'm stupid for sending that. Okay. Sorry I'm just stupid. I was wondering how you are but that's a stupid question. You're obviously doing okay. Okay sorry bye.

2:44 AM
Okay im glad three months is too long for me to ask you how youre doing. but ten months isnt too long to email someone your undying love. How hypocritical. Actually it wasnt just ten months. it was every month that you went and did that to me. Whatever kristy, you've changed. No youre just not the person I thought you were. I dont even care, you make me wanna kill myself so bad. Whatever. Have a good relationship with that girl, im glad you found someone prettier and better than me to be with. just dont f*ck up as much as you did with me. Im sure you will. Thanks for making my life complete sh*t. I really appreciate it.

Those are the messages she sent. I did not reply to any of them. To explain the ten months part in the last message, she is referring to how I would talk to my ex before her. We had been good friends for a long time; we tried the relationship, but both realized we just really didn't have it in us and we were better off as friends. So we'd talk occasionally, the whole routine of "hey, how are you?" and catching up, but nothing more than that. My most recent ex, did not like this at all. She feared that I would leave her because of it. That was never the case.

I have no idea how she knows what the woman I'm talking to now looks like. My social networking sites are all on maximum privacy settings because I'm very weird with my details being shared on the internet.

My question for all of you beautiful people on this forum,
Was I right in not replying? What are your opinions on what she said?

[snow_girl]

Good for you for not replying. Don't feed the fire. Let her have her rant if thats what helps her sleep at night but you don't need to justify any of your actions. She could have heard through the grapevine about a new girl or she could just be assuming you've met someone new. Regardless forget it and don't let these messages get to you. In the future perhaps don't even open the messages from her, just delete them.

[Sierra]

I wouldn't have replied. It sounds like your ex is unstable.

I think you should live your life, you've had time to grieve and it sounds like time to move on, which is a good thing. Live your life.
I understand that a lot of people need closure, I'm one of those people and maybe your ex is too, but insulting you and saying "you make me want to kill myself so bad" is not appropriate, that's is a guilt trip and you don't need or deserve that.

I would honestly say let it go.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I've been following your last few forum posts, and from what I can make out, it sounds as though you're well and truly better off without this woman in your life. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but from the messages she sent you, you're much better off without her in your life cause she's seriously unstable. I'd block her phone number so she can't contact you anymore, delete the messages and completely block her off anything else she might have you added on. Block her email, if you haven't already done so, everything. You need to completely cut off all contact with her because she's just gonna keep on making you feel bad if you don't. You sound like a lovely person and you don't deserve this crap being thrown in your face right when you're moving on from her and you have someone else who's interested in you and talking to you and things are looking positive. She's just sour that the relationship is over and because she's hurt over what's happened (some people take much longer to recover from things than others, although I'm sure you're aware) she's showing her true colours. She's hitting out at you to deliberately to hurt you, and you can't let her get to you. Move on by blocking her out of your life. It's what I've had to do in the past with abusive ex's who get a kick out of spreading crappy rumours about me on the internet. I don't wanna see it, and I've got no time for it. Let 'em stew over it. I have my own life to lead. It's the way you should be thinking, something similar too at this point

As for her knowing, I think she's just calling a bluff to scare you. Sounds like she's trying to make you think she's stalking you or something stupid like that and that she knows the truth when she doesn't really. She knows your sexuality and she's gonna play on that. Of course she's gonna say you've found someone who's better than her. It's the vicious way that certain people think. She's gonna do what she can to hurt you whilst she still has a way of communicating with you, so block her out of your life. I wouldn't get too paranoid, all the same though, double check to make sure you're all private and that she can't get ahold of you any way.

I really hope this helped, I'm sorry she sent you those messages. Silly, silly, petty thing to do. Some people just can't leave it alone. Block her, and just enjoy your time with this local lady =)

[screammaayday]

@snow_girl I think you're correct in that I shouldn't fuel her fire. I just don't understand how I'm wrong to have met someone new, when she supposedly had done the same? I don't know. It's confusing.

@Sierra I was truly shocked to see her say I made her want to kill herself, especially when I haven't talked to her in months. I don't intend to contact her and I won't. I feel as though, that chapter of my life is closed and I need to look at the future.

@HollzHeartsChris Your response really did help. It reinforced my decision not to contact my ex. And I think she may have been using one of her friend's profiles to see my things. I have a theory: I have a twitter profile (shame on me. :P) and it's private, but the local girl, Sidney, had logged on and as a joke put "Sidney is cool " in my bio information and I think she looked through my followers list to find someone with that name and discovered who she was. From there, she would have been able to see Sidney's profile and read our tweets back and forth to each other. Which in that case, she wouldn't be very happy, as they are very flirty. I wish my ex the best in her life, I really do. I would hate to see anything bad happen to her. But she ended that relationship to have her fun in her life because she didn't want to be tied down, and I feel as though, you should never leave someone with the intention of being together with them again later. I don't think it's fair to said person to be waiting for you. And by her responses and everything she's said to me, I think that's exactly what she wanted me to do.

[HollzHeartsChris]

@HollzHeartsChris Your response really did help. It reinforced my decision not to contact my ex. And I think she may have been using one of her friend's profiles to see my things. I have a theory: I have a twitter profile (shame on me. :P) and it's private, but the local girl, Sidney, had logged on and as a joke put "Sidney is cool " in my bio information and I think she looked through my followers list to find someone with that name and discovered who she was. From there, she would have been able to see Sidney's profile and read our tweets back and forth to each other. Which in that case, she wouldn't be very happy, as they are very flirty. I wish my ex the best in her life, I really do. I would hate to see anything bad happen to her. But she ended that relationship to have her fun in her life because she didn't want to be tied down, and I feel as though, you should never leave someone with the intention of being together with them again later. I don't think it's fair to said person to be waiting for you. And by her responses and everything she's said to me, I think that's exactly what she wanted me to do.

Ahh, that would make sense lol I did it once to someone, got on their facebook account and wrote something on their "About me" section and it was pretty funny.

Well, I think you're doing the right thing by blocking her. It's a shame there's people out there in this world who would want to do that. Personally, I can't see why but there we go. And in response to what you replied to snow_girl with, there's nothing wrong with meeting someone new. It shows you're moving on from your ex. You have every right to move on because it's your life and it's up to you not her what you do. She shouldn't have a sway over the decisions you make. As for her possibly reading your tweets, that just tells me one thing: jealously. It sounds like she's full of it.

[screammaayday]

@HollzHeartsChris Oh, yeah. There was a ton of jealousy when we dated. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone who might be a threat. I did feel guilty about meeting someone new, but as I think more and more about it, I deserve to happy, just as she does. And I hope she does end up happy. But she shouldn't be saying things like she did to me, after three months especially.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Nope, but some people just can't let it go :P But now you can, once you've blocked her, and dyou know what? In a few year's time, you probably won't even remember who she was. I know that sounds bad, but sometimes given time some memories fade and perhaps the memories you have of her will indeed fade.

Everyone deserves to be happy. No one should be unhappy in a relationship, either. You're doing the right thing =)

[Sierra]

I know it's not the same, well I guess it kind of is on some level, but I used to have a best friend who was in love with me. The feelings weren't mutual, she's bi and I'm straight and I just wasn't interested in anything romantic but I really enjoyed our friendship (thus why she was my best friend). Basically, things got dramatic and she went pretty crazy and I had to end the friendship to protect myself.

After over a year of not talking she sent me a random text message that said "I hope you know when I kill myself it'll be your fault". It hurt me so badly. I shouldn't and can't be held responsible for her actions, especially when we weren't friends at the time.

I will say, a few months after that she apologized and said she just wasn't in the right frame of mind, and since then we have been slowly rebuilding a friendship, but I will always keep her at further than arms length. Nothing changes the fact that she said that to me and implanted that guilt in my mind. I think it's one of he most horrible things you can say to someone you care/d about.

[screammaayday]

@HollzHeartsChris I'm hoping that in time, it won't bother me as much as it did hearing that she was miserable. And I think you're right, I think the memories will fade with time.

@Sierra That's awful. It does hurt a lot when someone says that it'll be your fault when they end their life. I don't know how she can hold me responsible, you know? She let me go. She wanted me out of her life. And now suddenly, after she was supposedly so happy, I'm now at fault for her wanting to kill herself? I just don't understand.

[Haley53]

Honestly, I tend to feel that a lot of people use that card as a manipulative tactic. You're a caring and compassionate person, she's aware of this, you're moving on and not letting her control you any longer, she's aware of that, and so when you didn't respond to her text messages, which she was likely almost positive you'd respond to (you did the right thing by not responding, by the way), she got pissed and played a card that she thought would guarantee her a response. It's a guilt trip that unfortunately some people use when they aren't getting their way, because they know the impact something like that comes with and if it's worked on someone before, they'll likely keep using it when they want something but aren't getting it. It's the same thing when people use self-harm as blackmail, or blackmail in general. It's trying to manipulate what would hurt the other person as a way of getting what they want. Though I'm not going to doubt her feelings, I'm also going to guess that this has more to do with hurting and manipulating you into giving her back the power she craves - she doesn't want to let you go because it's fun having someone she can yank around - and into giving her what she wants than it does a sincere and genuine feeling of suicidal ideation.

[lucybelle]

@Sierra That's awful. It does hurt a lot when someone says that it'll be your fault when they end their life. I don't know how she can hold me responsible, you know? She let me go. She wanted me out of her life. And now suddenly, after she was supposedly so happy, I'm now at fault for her wanting to kill herself? I just don't understand.

I didn't read all the replies, but when someone is blaming their lack of sanity on you- RUN AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK! I had an ex say he'd kill himself when I left, and that made me go even quicker. Your ex is extremely unstable. Good for you to not responding. You shouldn't have to and don't need to. Continue to move on with your life.

[squirrelz15]

I didn't read the other responses, just the OP. That said, I think you did the right thing by not responding. You need to move on with your life. You need to take this opportunity with this new girl work itself out and not let your ex get in the way of that. I'm sure she's still hurting, but I think you did the right thing.

[screammaayday]

@Eclaire I think you're right. I think as she realized I wasn't going to respond to her, she got angry and used her most powerful resource to try and get a reaction out of me to no avail. I haven't given in to her attempts and am trying very hard to resist any attempts she makes.

@lucybelle I do think she is incredibly unstable. From what she's sent me since we broke up and stopped talking, she seems to now realize just how gone I really am.

@squirrelz15 I am sure she still is hurting, too, but alas, it was her decision and my sympathy for her is affected greatly by that. I do intend to see where things go with the new girl, as I'm finally happy, rather than just okay. And though I want my ex to be happy, I can't let it be at my expense anymore.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

Your ex lives in a strange little world, doesn't she? She treats you like a book that she can pick up and put down at her leisure and not like a person with their own feelings, needs, and desires. Such a strange disconnect with reality. Good on you for not talking to her. She really doesn't care if you feel upset; it's all about HER.

And good luck with your new romance!