Breaks???

[MadMolly]

All or nothing.

[keypatalina]

Is an LDR really ever all or nothing? Seems like some sort of purgatory at times, somewhere between all and nothing. "It's hard to keep starting and stopping...it just doesn't feel like I'm a part of your life, I feel like I'm on vacation."

[rubydissolution]

That quote hit me hard from that movie as well...I've been pretty depressed for going on 3 weeks now. The SO got snippy with me tonite n i broke down n cried. Its definitely an emotional roller coaster. There are highs and lows. When does the ride stop? Do we get stuck at the top of get off at the end?

[SDPersona]

Thank you, I think the issue is that we want to be together but the distance and lack of concrete plans has us both incredibly frustrated... I just don't know what to do and feel really helpless.

The thing is that "the issue" is closing the distance and what to do because he doesn't want me to move to him since he plans to leave there as soon as he can, but he has no concrete plans to move somewhere and I am taking the bar in July which limits my geographic mobility to an extent. It's not that we're avoiding the issue, we talk about it constantly but the talking about it is only causing more tension and pressure. We do not fight, nor do either of us want to date anyone else and "see what's out there"...just need time to breathe and figure out what's best for each of us professionally and personally. It just seems like talking about the issue has us going in circles because he's unsure about where he what he wants to do (jobwise) and where that would be, except that he's ruled out his hometown and doesn't want to move to mine, which I'd be glad to leave if I knew where I'd be leaving to.

Have tried to just put it on the backburner, but it's still there like pending and maybe it's me because I want to know already lol. He's more laidback than I am

You're not the only one with that problem.

When my boyfriend and me started this journey that is called a LDR, we soon had a plan for when we meet each other again (which would be July this year BTW) but we didn't have a plan for closing the distance. We still don't. Of course, there were talks and questions at the time of who moves and if it were possible for the other. That was ok, but still too soon for that kind of talk. Mainly because I couldn't deal with it yet. The idea of moving to another country and leaving my support net behind terrified me and I couldn't say if I'd be happy in the country I would be. I felt like if I ever want to make a move to a foreign country, then I want to move because I love it and genuinely want to live there, and not purely because I have a partner there whom I very much love. Also, I needed time to adjust to the idea and status of being in a LDR. My boyfriend noticed and understood where the problem is, so we just made plans to talk about that when we next meet each other. I agreed with it and it made me feel soooo much less pressured and there was less tension between us, too, because there'd be sufficient time to think about it, get used to idea and find out on my own what I want to do with us. The whole time up to now we didn't talk about it, even if I knew he really, really wants to know and has some ideas.

So, I'd suggest you just back off and not talk about it, while your boyfriend has a certain time frame you both agree on to find out what he wants to do both with himself and with your relationship, keeping some cold facts in mind like your bar. I know, it'll be difficult, but if it would help your boyfriend and your relationship...

[keypatalina]

Thank you, SDPersona!

[elizabethjp2010]

I dated my SO for 4 months than broke up with him for 6 months, than got back together (obviously! haha)

I think we both needed that time apart to grow up and handle our own shit (however we were [and still are] very young)

personally i dont think "breaks" can work, it leads to breaking up, but i do think that breaking up and growing up a little, figuring out who you are away from *us* can be helpful, i mean hell it worked for me

good luck

[Bethypoo]

I dont think breaks are good for any relationship. I mean there are times when i need "space" but that is for like a day or two and usually when there is something like exams going on not having anything to do with us.

But the short answer... NO. Breaks are a bad idea.