When Did You Know the Juice Was Worth the Squeeze?

[Sierra]

I know that you guys know the issues I've been having in my relationship. Tuesday my boyfriend and I got into an argument again, but I think the things that needed to be said, got said. He said that after he thought about it and I gave him examples, he understood more where I was coming from. I agreed to back down because when I move there I'll be going back to school and we desperately need to find this balance in our relationship. I admitted to being at fault for being so hurt I had to withdraw to protect myself and he asked me not to, so I agreed. One more chance.

That being said, when I was in therapy talking about this, my therapist made some excellent points. First, she said that we are going through is really natural, he's trying to adjust to what she calls 'family life' and says it takes longer for men, and I should be patient ... if the juice is worth the squeeze.

She said we're ironing out our kinks, finding the flaws in our relationship and working through impossible odds with him working in an industry that is known for ripping apart relationships.

She said that if I love him, and I want a future, we can get there, we just have to get through this really hard part. She told me it happens in every relationship - in some its right away, in others its after six months, in some if it's after 10 years, but all relationships go through what we are.

So anyway, my session got me thinking about the juice being worth the squeeze. When did you know your SO was worth the pain and hard work that goes with an LDR? For me, it was when I realized he was the man I'd always been looking for, his kind heart, the way he made me laugh ... the connection we had online. And then when we met in person and had fun at everything we did, just enjoyed each other's company and I had stupid smile on my face the WHOLE TIME, I knew he was worth it. I had never felt that way before.

As much as we go through, I know he has a heart of gold, and that's why I endure what I do. I believe in him.

[kiara_silver]

For me, it was when we had a hard conversation, he hurt me, not intentionally, but he was struggling with something. He let me know what was on his mind, and it was just hard hearing it, and it hurt. And the thought of losing him, how much it hurt my chest and how i couldn't take losing him. I think thats when I really fully knew he was worth fighting for. Although looking back now, I wouldn't think that during that, it would be more reason to want him, but it just confirmed all my feelings for him, and showed me how much he meant to me. That i would rather hurt then lose him. That was early on in our relationship, he's been everything i could ever want since.

[Sierra]

For me, it was when we had a hard conversation, he hurt me, not intentionally, but he was struggling with something. He let me know what was on his mind, and it was just hard hearing it, and it hurt. And the thought of losing him, how much it hurt my chest and how i couldn't take losing him. I think thats when I really fully knew he was worth fighting for. Although looking back now, I wouldn't think that during that, it would be more reason to want him, but it just confirmed all my feelings for him, and showed me how much he meant to me. That i would rather hurt then lose him. That was early on in our relationship, he's been everything i could ever want since.

Exactly. Before, I always thought, if you hurt in a relationship it's not right. But I've realized that I would rather go through this than lose him because I believe in him the future we dream about. I know that we both mean everything to each other and are committed to making this relationship work. I know every time he proves to me he's committed, it makes it easier for me to commit myself to it too.

I'm going to be honest, I don't think many of us would purposefully choose a long distance relationship, but when you find that perfect person that's when it's worth it.

[Haley53]

Does it sound stupid and cliche to say that it's simply something I knew?

His mother passed away almost six months into our relationship, so even if we'd been friends for a while, our romantic relationship was fairly young (still is). People told me that the death of a parent could tear marriages apart, that they'd seen it, and I didn't understand it, until I was completely and wholly immersed in the situation. And though I wish I could say it's gotten easier, and though I can say slight improvements are being made on a semi-regular basis, I also have to say that in ways, it's gotten harder and more difficult. Being there with him through his anger and being so withdrawn from anything and everything, needing to be alone, was what I had guessed would be the hardest part, but being here for him through his depression, where he's present, my boyfriend, but is still emotionally absent to the point his depression sometimes comes off as disinterest and detachment (then again, I suppose that's what depression is really), it's hard in a different way. And sometimes I do wonder where the future of our relationship is going. His entire life, his very foundation, has crumbled out from underneath him. He's doing this all on his own and raising his 15-year-old brother who, on top of the circumstances, is also a typical adolescent male, without any help from anyone, other than financial aid from the government due to his situation. He's trying to figure out what he needs to do for himself and for his situation. And he needs to process and deal with the grief in his own time and in his own way.

Do I think we'll be together forever? I would say that right now, I'm torn. I feel insanely insecure about our future. I'm not sure what the future is going to bring. I think the instability of this situation would rock even the most secure of folk. But at the same time, I feel we have the potential to last, if not forever, then for a very long time. I love this man more than anything, and I know that he's worth fighting for. I know that our relationship is worth fighting for and at the very least seeing where it goes. We're both young: he's 19 and I'm 20. He's wanting to start college, and after my working holiday, I'll have grad school. Let's face it, there's always the chance that we'll meet someone else. But there's also the chance that we won't. There's the chance that we'll find us incompatible as life partners. There's the chance that we won't. There's the chance we'll get married and end up getting a divorce down the line. There's also the chance that we won't. The thing is that for as many horrible and terrifying and heartshattering scenarios as I can think of, as many possibilities as I can think of going wrong, they're worth risking for the fact that on the other hand, things might go right. And I think that's how I knew that for me, personally, "the juice was worth the squeeze." It's that we could break up and I would hate him for it and probably hate myself for it and be angry and hurt and cry and cry and cry until the pain went with time, but he would still be worth it. It's knowing that even though there's the chance he could absolutely break my heart, he's worth waiting and working for. For me, it was knowing and truly feeling that as hard as this is, he's worth every minute of it. We may grow apart or we may grow together, but I've decided he's worth sticking around for to determine that.

[Mara]

It was our second visit and I was terribly upset with him about something stupid. In the beginning of any relationship, I'm extremely wary of any red flags or potential issues. I'd rather get out while the getting is good than stay, fall in love, and hesitate to leave because of that love. Well, I was upset so I told him I was going home early, I packed up all of my things, and I turned to leave and he whispered you aren't coming back are you. I couldn't meet his eyes and I didn't answer his question. I started giving him the speech, you know the one, the whole it's not you it's me thing and he was asking me for another chance; that gave me pause.

With my ex before him, I'd been with him for years and he never ever fought for me, ever. But that wasn't enough to change my mind. I didn't say anything, but I never planned on talking to my SO again after I left. When I got downstairs to leave my car was gone. Vanished out of the clear blue sky. I thought maybe it'd be stolen, but I called my SO and he then called his apartment managers and realized it had been towed. So here I am breaking up with this guy and I have to ask him to give me a ride to get my car out of the impound. Mind you, I didn't know how I was going to get it out. I had money, but it was rent money, insurance money, gas money, etc.

We get there [after fighting the whole way there] and he gets out, goes and talks to the guy, and comes back and says you can get your car now. I asked him how much it was and he said it was two hundred, but he paid for it. I'll never forget I asked him why he would do that when I was leaving him and he said, "because I wouldn't want you to not be able to get home."

So here I am, in the middle of breaking up with him, and he's trying to take care of me. Suffice to say, I apologized for my incredibly stupid, petty, and childish behavior and decided that as long as he'd have me I'd stay.

Every time we get in argument or things get hard I think back to that day and remember how much he cares for me. I stay because of how much he cares for me. It's rare to find someone who won't turn their back on you even when you are turning your back on them.

[lucybelle]

Hmm.. good question. I'm not really sure if there was a defining moment for me. It was more like a lot of little things piling up. I liked how much he cared about me and how he always knew when something was wrong. He does everything in his power to make me happy. When he quit his job to move in with me and would bring me a cold beer and a bowl of chips after a long day at work. And how when I moved to CR he went and bought my favorite shampoo to make me feel at home. How he decided that he didn't care where he was, he just wanted to be with me. I just posted this in another thread, but eventually one day I realized that I would rather live with him in a foreign country away from my family and friends, than to live without him.

[anlgp]

We've got a special place we can get to despite what life and each other can toss at us and that's why.

[13000km]

For us, it was after fighting every single day for a whole month 4 months into our relationship. At the end of that month, compromises were made on both ends, and we both were aware we had a lot of growing up to do. I reflected and realised, if he didn't leave after all of that, if he stuck that through, he's never going to leave. He thinks I'm worth it. I couldn't see why he thought I was worth it at that time but it meant the world to me. His strength and determination to fight for us was what made me decide to fight for us too.

[LilyChiba]

To put it quite simply. I knew from day one when he finally came to me after nearly 2 years of friendship. He was being extremely vague and I think trying to get me to admit it first, feelings that is. I had promised one of his friends months before not to say anything because neither of us were in a position to date someone else. But it was that very moment he said that first sentence to initiate the talk that my heart got warm and I stopped breathing, started shaking. I knew what was coming. I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I knew the moment he reinstated my faith and trust in people, after he promised he would never hurt me (and to this day never has) and after he stuck by my side through thick and thin even though we were both struggling with various things going on in our lives, after the day when he still found the energy to stay up into the early hours of the morning just so we could talk and after the day he still said to me, regardless of what had happened, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. These are just a few of the times when I knew he would never let me down.

[floridaellen]

When after I broke his heart completely by breaking up with him, he still had my back as my best friend and took me back eventually as his girlfriend even after all the horrible stuff that happened. If he can come back to me after that much pain, he's the one.

[Sora1101]

It took me awhile to decide if he was worth it or not, we first got together when I was 15, I was young and unsure about my life in general, I had a lot of feelings to sort through, he came to me in a very dark time in my life, but then my family decided to take an trip and I wasn't able to talk to him at all for 3 weeks. It was then that I knew, I just felt so empty without having him to talk to, and as soon as I could talk to him again it felt like I had finally taken a breath of fresh air after holding it in for so long, I knew right then that he was the only one I wanted to be with and I would put up with any amount of pain and heartache if it meant that he could be mine forever. And now I'm almost 18 and going on our 3 year anniversary.

[dukes2011]

The summer before going to grad school I was worried that doing long distance would be too much for me personally to handle, so I considered breaking it off. We lived 2 hours apart at that time, and that was tough for me so I couldn't imagine doing 7 hours apart and being in school too. I discussed these feelings with my SO and he was very mature about it. He told me that he wanted the best for me and he loved me so much that if letting me go was the right thing he'd do it. I cried like a baby and we talked some more and decided keep trying because we weren't ready to give up. Somehow I knew life without him would be harder than long distance.

[Zapookie]

The moment I realised was when he stopped talking to me because of something I'd done that I said I wouldn't do. He was hurt by it. I kept apologising and I meant every word I said but it took him a while to come around. I was so upset with the thought of never talking to him again and never hearing his voice again, then I realised... I think I love this guy, and I will do everything in my power to make sure this never happens ever.