One minute he does....but then if we break up,he says he doesnt.
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Based on just this, I would REALLY reconsider your relationship. If he is so willing to take back his engagement over a petty breakup, I would be worried.Originally posted by Joni View PostComment
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I disagree with this in a major way. Just because someone is your FIRST love doesn't mean that you won't love equally (or more) deeply for someone else. If this is one of your reasons for staying with him, don't. You learn a lot from your first love, and for some people, yes, it's forever. But that's a minority. Don't force yourself into a relationship where you're being treated badly because he's your first love.Originally posted by Joni View Post
I can understand that it's insanely difficult to consider this, it's always traumatic leaving someone you love, especially the very first time you do it, but don't devalue your future partners and loves and opportunities because they aren't your first. You owe it to yourself to have the BEST relationship you can, and that's not necessarily this one.Comment
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He is just not that into you...
Good riddance!
Doesn't make it any easier though.. I feel for you.. But this guy is not worth your tears!\\ Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything //
\\ happens for a reason //
\\ We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing //
\\ When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” //
\\They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life!! //Comment
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I agree with this, not to mention that there are a slough of wonderful feelings that come with a second partner, because it's all about re-opening yourself up to someone, not to mention that once you learn from your first, second, whatever, and apply it to those that follow, your choices generally have the tendency to improve/only get better from there, because as you're growing and maturing, so is your choice in partner.Originally posted by Biddlybiddlybombop View Post
I have been reading your threads and to be honest, this guy sounds like he's taking you for a ride. You say he's sometimes emotionally abusive to you, yet you shrug it off. You say he was ready to shrug off the engagement (which I'm not sure why he's engaged to you to begin with when it seems as if he can hold it over your head however he pleases), but you seem ready to dismiss that and let it go. He does not treat you well, but you love him and make excuses for him so that it's okay. :/ And I'd argue that even what he did here was somewhat abusive/manipulative. He supports it but only if you both break-up? There are a lot of people here whose decisions have been made harder, distances been temporarily made longer, and/or plans to close the distance being postponed and they have generally supported their partners (or been supported by them) and made it work irregardless of that fact. Your boyfriend sounds a lot like my ex, he doesn't want you but he's too cowardly to break up with you. And I'm aware you say he wants you, sometimes, enough to marry you, but I disagree. With the petty immature games he plays and the fact he's so ready to throw your relationship away at basically anything, my guess would mean he means more to you than you mean to him, and I think that this has reached a point it's become toxic.{ Our Story on LFAD }
Our Beginning
Met online: February 2009
Feelings confessed: December 2010
Unofficially together since: January/February 2011
Officially together since: 08 April 2011
Our Story
First meeting in person: 16 August - 14 September 2011
Second visit: 17 March - 01 April 2012
Third visit: 23 July - 13 September 2012
Fourth visit: Looking at 23 March - 6 April 2013
Our Happily Ever After
to be continued...Comment
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Wow is all I can say. I know you probably care about him, but it sounds to me as though he's just playing with your emotions and the relationship you guys have isn't healthy. I think perhaps now would be the best time to seriously think about whether this is what you want. I don't think it really is deep down, is it? And I deeply disagree with what you said about your first love is always the deepest. My first boyfriend was a complete jerk and I simply thought I loved him. He led me to believe I did.
I'd suggest getting yourself out of this situation. And soon.Comment
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I do think that he is somewhat playing with me but i knw he loves me.He said he bought me a ring...i believe him. Im not saying you guys are wrong but you guys dont understand what we have been through.... i know you guys are trying to help anad i do agree with all of you but theres just something in me saying to hold on to our relationship.....Comment
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This is an extremely contradictory statement. We may not understand what all you have been through, but we also have some merit to what we're saying. People from an objective stand oftentimes ARE able to see what the person IN the relationship is not. It's why a lot of the time people end up getting frustrated, because they can pinpoint a negative relationship but the person in it is too close to the source to objectively see it for what it is. There will always be something in you saying hold on to your relationship, within reason. I think there are very few people who end on happy terms where they are completely convinced it is the right thing to do. Even people who know it's the right thing to do have difficulty ending/leaving the relationship, and this is especially true for first loves and/or abusive partners, because it seems with both those situations, there's more dependence on hope, and hope is a flame that's never put out. People oftentimes criss cross hope with a myriad of other feelings, and that is why others are able to see it more objectively, because they don't have the same hope getting in the way.Originally posted by Joni View Post{ Our Story on LFAD }
Our Beginning
Met online: February 2009
Feelings confessed: December 2010
Unofficially together since: January/February 2011
Officially together since: 08 April 2011
Our Story
First meeting in person: 16 August - 14 September 2011
Second visit: 17 March - 01 April 2012
Third visit: 23 July - 13 September 2012
Fourth visit: Looking at 23 March - 6 April 2013
Our Happily Ever After
to be continued...Comment
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We ended our relationship today...Comment
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You are blinded by love..Originally posted by Joni View Post
I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but I think there is a better guy out there for you!! You deserve better!\\ Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything //
\\ happens for a reason //
\\ We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing //
\\ When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” //
\\They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life!! //Comment
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I am so sorry, JoniOriginally posted by Joni View Post
I hope you are doing ok. Things will start to get better soon, and you will eventually find someone who deserves to be with you. Only good things will come from this, I promise.
On that note, you should definitely, DEFINITELY take the opportunity to move abroad with your family. Italy is beyond amazing, and a chance to live there is something no one should pass up.Comment
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This. This. This.Originally posted by WakeUpSusie View Post
I'm sorry to hear about the end. Take some time to process, start anew in Italy and find a man there that treats you like a princess, the way you should be treated.
Finding myself.Comment
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Sorry to hear about your relationship ending, but you will find someone else who loves you and will never play with your emotions like that. A brand new start might be tough between moving and ending a relationship but I think it will serve you well too. Spend some time on yourself and everything will fall into place. Embracing change can really take you places- it sure did when I moved for grad school! Good luck and if you ever need anything we're here for you!!!
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