Rock and a hard place.

[chef.rae]

Ok, I was talking to a friend on facebook tonight when an old friend from highschool messaged me. I have not talked to him in a couple years. We talked about how we were and out relationships. I told him that I'm trying to get used to being single again, but kind of looking at the same time. He told me that he was considering leaving his girl. They got engaged at somepoint and I guess things are going downhill. At one point he had asked me out on a date. I told him that I would love to meet with him at somepoint and catch up, but I don't want to call it a date unless he is single, if that is what he does decide to do. He seemed a little upset with it, but understood.



I have been in a situation before with a very good friend of mine. He was dating this girl (i refer to her as psychofreak). She somehow managed to get my phone number and blew up my phone one day just because I was talking to her boyfriend. She accused me of trying to convince him to leave her for me. That was not the case in anysense; and of couse this all happened while I was at work.



I want to see him, but I feel like he needs the "date" aspect to see that there are other girls out there that won't treat him the way that his fiance is treating him. I would love to go out on a date with him; but only if i know that he is single. I kind of feel like he wants to get with me, and then leave her. I just do not want another psychofreak incident to happen again.


I tried to message him on facebook after i got a few things done, but I can not message him for some reason and he is no longer on my friends list. I lost his number a while ago. I would like to tell him that I'm here to listen to him if he needs to talk about what he is thinking, and basically be a friend in anyway that I can.



Any advice?

[Rugger]

Stick to your guns. You are doing the right thing in waiting until he is single to make a move.

[digitalfever]

I'd leave this and move on. This smells of drama if he's single or not.

[magician13134]

I agree, this may just be me, but I think even the suggestion of a date if he ends up single seems a little forward while he's engaged. Maybe suggest meeting with both him and fiance just so he knows that you're serious about just meeting as friends.

[chef.rae]

Thanks guys, I'm leaning towards what has been said, but still unsure.

[Haley53]

I'd leave this and move on. This smells of drama if he's single or not.

This.

There are four ways this could go, that I can see:

1. You have another incident where the man tells you he's single and he isn't, and you're faced with a fiance breathing hot dragon breath down your neck for similar reasons as Psychofreak

2. The man really does break it off with his fiance, decides to meet and see other women, but the fiance does not sit quietly. If he breaks it off with her and then immediately goes out with you, what message is that likely to send to her? That you're some hussy of a homewrecker he was seeing beforehand. Cue drama

3. You don't have an issue with the fiance, but he ends up using you in some way, shape, or form. He wants to be treated "right" and not like his fiance is treating him, so he uses you as a stepping stone and then moves on, still friend zoning you but having used you as the easy target to point him in the right direction

4. You both end up liking one another, and he ultimately ends up doing the same thing to you. I typically tend to believe that anyone willing to ask someone out before breaking it fully off with their fiance is likely to do it again. Some people have claimed they've done otherwise. This has not been my personal experience

Either way, all I see this resulting in is drama, especially since she's unlikely to sit quietly and he's likely a broken mess. You do not want him and his baggage right now. Given your recent break-up, whether or not you're over it, I do not think you need it, and I do not think you won't see any issue or outburst of temper from his fiance, especially since you can't guarantee what he has or hasn't told her. Like digitalfever says, this whole fiasco reeks of being, well, a fiasco,

[chef.rae]

Yeah, the more i think about it the more red flags pop up. Best to just let this one be.

[Yaaamiii]

I'd be careful. Especially because it does smell of drama, like digitalfever said. Also, I dunno how true this is, but it kind of sounds like a rebound sort of thing.

[Bethypoo]

Stick to your guns. You are doing the right thing in waiting until he is single to make a move.

You never know. So if he reaches out to you again and is single, great. You guys can see if anything happens. But if not, I wouldn't go to much out of my way.

[chef.rae]

What scares me the most is that this is not the first time he's said this to me. I'm starting to think that it has to be a cycle of somekind for him. So many red flags have gone up, it's scary.