The End...or to be continued...

[rubydissolution]

Ok, so Wes and I officially called it quits last night. The back story is kinda lengthy but i'll try to keep it short.

Basically, if you haven't read my blog about it, Saturday night I was depressed and instead of making me feel better he made me feel 20x worst by taking subtle jabs at me while we were talking. I was depressed so the subtle jabs got to me and I started to cry. He apologized and hung up then spent the next day texting me "i'm sorries" all day. That was fine but I didn't want to talk to him. It gave me a lot of time to think and it did the same for him. I told him I wanted to talk to him that night and when he got home we did.

That conversation pretty much started out as me telling him how hurt I was by what he did to me. It kinda steered towards me asking him if he saw a future for us and if he still wanted to be in the relationship and after talking a while we just weren't sure. So, I told him we'd take the next day to think about it and talk Tuesday.

Tuesday my head and heart were in an intense battle as to what to do. I love him so much, but something about this LDR wasn't working anymore. When we finally sat down to talk I let him go first. He basically said I don't think I can be the boyfriend you want/need/deserve. I agreed with him to an extent. We decided then to call it quits. But I asked him if he thought he wasn't the boyfriend I wanted when we were together in person. He said no not so much. I agreed, in person we are completely different people. In person he is everything I want in a boyfriend. So, we decided after a long debate that we would break up now, and date other people if the opportunity arose. However, If at the end of this year if we are still single and we still love each other we would start talking about me moving again. Since that is when I was planning to move to Portland anyway. Mainly because the one thing that drove us apart was the distance and our inability to deal with it.

We are still talking, still plan to be friends during this time. We actually stayed on Skype talking and played games for 2 hours after this conversation. If at the end of the year we're both taken, or we don't think it'll work out I'll just have a hefty savings, and that's fine with me. So, it's over for now, but maybe not the end of the road.

Thanks for the support you guys have given me through this rocky road since I joined. I'll still be around ^^

[Rugger]

I'm sorry to hear this sweetie. *hugs* Stay strong

[carolynred]

So sorry to hear that dearie. *more hugs* You sound like you're very strong and I'm glad to hear that it was drama-less ending for the most part. I wish the best for you and your future. We are here for you! <3

[marbear31]

Honey, what a tough situation. :/ You're right, distance can tear apart, but what struck me most is that "if you're still in love and single"...almost as if, "if no one better comes along, then we'll come back to each other." I'm SURE that's not what you mean, but I'm only saying this cause I wouldn't want you to settle if that was your "fallback" plan. That being said, I think time provides the best clarity, and if you are meant to be together after you've worked on yourselves for a bit, then I hope you two will be very happy together. I think being apart will either make you yearn for all the things that originally brought you together, or make you realize that you're perfectly marvelous on your own.

Either way, I wish you the best happiness, I'm sorry for your breakup (*huge hug*), and I sure hope you find the clarity you are looking for.

[rubydissolution]

Honey, what a tough situation. :/ You're right, distance can tear apart, but what struck me most is that "if you're still in love and single"...almost as if, "if no one better comes along, then we'll come back to each other." I'm SURE that's not what you mean, but I'm only saying this cause I wouldn't want you to settle if that was your "fallback" plan.

No its not a fallback plan actually. We are both still very much in love with each other. Which is why this breakup was heartbreaking. Whats meant by that is that is at the end of the year, I'll have the money to move and close the distance that tore us apart. But if we end up with someone at that time it just wasn't meant to be. I would never consider him a fallback...he's too good a guy for that.

[marbear31]

No its not a fallback plan actually. We are both still very much in love with each other. Which is why this breakup was heartbreaking. Whats meant by that is that is at the end of the year, I'll have the money to move and close the distance that tore us apart. But if we end up with someone at that time it just wasn't meant to be. I would never consider him a fallback...he's too good a guy for that.

I'm so glad to hear that. Sorry, didn't mean for it to sound that way--I just know it's so easy to "go back" to someone bad for you for old time's sake, and I wouldn't want that for you. I'm so glad that's not the case, but that definitely makes it all the more heartbreaking. I hate when life gets in the way, but I think it's good you both realized it instead of stringing along when you needed some clarity for yourselves. I definitely hope you find it, and I'm here to talk if you need a friend.

[rubydissolution]

Thnx for the support. I'm trying to keep myself distracted so I don't think about things. But I can only stay out with friends for so long.

[fitfilipina]

It's always so hard when, in person, your SO is everything you've wanted and more. Then when you're apart it's like both of you are two completely different people. :/

I hope everything works out for the best, dearie. I'm sure if your love is true it'll find a way, no matter how long that takes.

[Killtrend]

Guys perspective: it sounds like he was in control of the ending to me. In a LDR, there are no breaks. It's always on. The communication is so key, that by you letting that one event rub you the wrong way, you likely drove a wedge into your relationship. He's thinking, "yeah, this is nice, but I'm not making all these sacrifices for nice. I want excellent."

In an LDR, above all else, "let what truly does not matter slide."

My current LDR almost didn't start. Right before we decided mutually to go for it, she said she didnt want to talk to me anymore. Couldn't see me with another girl i started dating while she decided (slowly) if i was "it." I immediately texted her back and said "you don't have to the power to nuke our friendship. A decision of that magnitude takes two keys." she replied "turn your key then!"

I wouldn't let up and said "I don't want to and you don't want me to either." I broke up with the new girl minutes later and said "if you're still in, I'm still in. You and me, like it always should have been." that night we chose to be exclusive for the first time in 12 years, We just needed a push.

Fight for it and see if he will fight just as hard. If he doesn't, he's not worth any more of your worries. Call him tomorrow. Don't wait for the love to simmer. Spill your heart out because I know you still love him. Still want him. Load up a cannon with a one shot chance and hope for the best.

[Off2Spain]

Your story sounds a lot like what happened to me. Me and my boyfriend started an LDR about 4 years ago, with visiting eachother every few months. When we saw eachother everything was just perfect and I couldn't be more in love, I was so sure that he was the one, boy did I have some growing up to do! Then whenever we would talk over the internet things would be a little off, I don't know why exactly but he just never was the person to go to when I had problems. (In real life he would defenitely be that person) So one day we decided to break up and just live our own lifes for a bit. Turns out, he was already seeing another girl which didnt last, and shortly after I got a new boyfriend with whom I lasted 2,5 years! Well now, 3 years later, we're back together, can you believe it! He realised that he had lost me and did his utmost to get me back, and he succeeded. What I want to tell you with this is that if it's 'meant to be' and if this guy really loves you he will choose for you eventually and be willing to fight for you. That how you know you've got the right guy. And if he won't try and get you back then there's someone else out there who will fight for you!

[floridaellen]

Guys perspective: it sounds like he was in control of the ending to me. In a LDR, there are no breaks. It's always on. The communication is so key, that by you letting that one event rub you the wrong way, you likely drove a wedge into your relationship. He's thinking, "yeah, this is nice, but I'm not making all these sacrifices for nice. I want excellent."

In an LDR, above all else, "let what truly does not matter slide."

My current LDR almost didn't start. Right before we decided mutually to go for it, she said she didnt want to talk to me anymore. Couldn't see me with another girl i started dating while she decided (slowly) if i was "it." I immediately texted her back and said "you don't have to the power to nuke our friendship. A decision of that magnitude takes two keys." she replied "turn your key then!"

I wouldn't let up and said "I don't want to and you don't want me to either." I broke up with the new girl minutes later and said "if you're still in, I'm still in. You and me, like it always should have been." that night we chose to be exclusive for the first time in 12 years, We just needed a push.

Fight for it and see if he will fight just as hard. If he doesn't, he's not worth any more of your worries. Call him tomorrow. Don't wait for the love to simmer. Spill your heart out because I know you still love him. Still want him. Load up a cannon with a one shot chance and hope for the best.

I politely disagree. Sometimes life does get in the way. My SO and I broke up for 2 months because I was moving. We didn't think we could handle a LDR. We loved each other, but sometimes love isn't enough. We ended up back together when we realized that we needed each other, but we needed that time apart to grow and mature.

[digitalfever]

Your story sounds a lot like what happened to me. Me and my boyfriend started an LDR about 4 years ago, with visiting eachother every few months. When we saw eachother everything was just perfect and I couldn't be more in love, I was so sure that he was the one, boy did I have some growing up to do! Then whenever we would talk over the internet things would be a little off, I don't know why exactly but he just never was the person to go to when I had problems. (In real life he would defenitely be that person) So one day we decided to break up and just live our own lifes for a bit. Turns out, he was already seeing another girl which didnt last, and shortly after I got a new boyfriend with whom I lasted 2,5 years! Well now, 3 years later, we're back together, can you believe it! He realised that he had lost me and did his utmost to get me back, and he succeeded. What I want to tell you with this is that if it's 'meant to be' and if this guy really loves you he will choose for you eventually and be willing to fight for you. That how you know you've got the right guy. And if he won't try and get you back then there's someone else out there who will fight for you!

I agree with this. More importantly I think this statement shows that you shouldn't just wait around for him to have that light bulb go off. Explore, have fun and maybe it will work out!

[rubydissolution]

Guys perspective: it sounds like he was in control of the ending to me. In a LDR, there are no breaks. It's always on. The communication is so key, that by you letting that one event rub you the wrong way, you likely drove a wedge into your relationship. He's thinking, "yeah, this is nice, but I'm not making all these sacrifices for nice. I want excellent."

In an LDR, above all else, "let what truly does not matter slide."

My current LDR almost didn't start. Right before we decided mutually to go for it, she said she didnt want to talk to me anymore. Couldn't see me with another girl i started dating while she decided (slowly) if i was "it." I immediately texted her back and said "you don't have to the power to nuke our friendship. A decision of that magnitude takes two keys." she replied "turn your key then!"

I wouldn't let up and said "I don't want to and you don't want me to either." I broke up with the new girl minutes later and said "if you're still in, I'm still in. You and me, like it always should have been." that night we chose to be exclusive for the first time in 12 years, We just needed a push.

Fight for it and see if he will fight just as hard. If he doesn't, he's not worth any more of your worries. Call him tomorrow. Don't wait for the love to simmer. Spill your heart out because I know you still love him. Still want him. Load up a cannon with a one shot chance and hope for the best.

I didn't agree with this either, the issue with us isn't the lack of fight. We need a break from each other, as much as its hurting me right now we need this separation. I told him this last night as much as a bunch of other stuff. I reflected on a lot of things, and a big issue for me, was that after he left it shattered my trust. And I was on guard all the time with him. It came across as me being needy and accusitory. I'm not that sort of person. The distance just really weighed on us, the fights and all. What really kind of upset me last night was he said that he felt like no matter how hard he tried it was never good enough. That really hurt. But, Like I said this break up is especially hard bc we do love each other. But I need to do some soul searching on myself and so does he. I'm hoping we will get back together, but if not I have a good friend in him and I have a lot of good memories.

[floridaellen]

I didn't agree with this either, the issue with us isn't the lack of fight. We need a break from each other, as much as its hurting me right now we need this separation. I told him this last night as much as a bunch of other stuff. I reflected on a lot of things, and a big issue for me, was that after he left it shattered my trust. And I was on guard all the time with him. It came across as me being needy and accusitory. I'm not that sort of person. The distance just really weighed on us, the fights and all. What really kind of upset me last night was he said that he felt like no matter how hard he tried it was never good enough. That really hurt. But, Like I said this break up is especially hard bc we do love each other. But I need to do some soul searching on myself and so does he. I'm hoping we will get back together, but if not I have a good friend in him and I have a lot of good memories.

I've been there. If you need someone to lean on, feel free to message me.

[rubydissolution]

Thx hun. =)