Combatting Nerves

[Haley53]

Eesh! I see my SO in 19 days and I am a mess.

I'm stressed out because of all that I have to get done. I have to coordinate with my mother when a plumber can come out and fix the clog in my shower (note to self: wash the dog outside from now on), I have to get my room cleaned, we have to clean the house, I'd like to set up another DMV appointment to hopefully try and obtain my license, I still have to set up a hair and facial appointment... Gah! And this is in the midst of having a weekend conference to attend 2 March - 3 March, my sister's birthday on 7 March that will likely end up pushed to the weekend, and having exams and papers to study for and write for school on top of work. In addition, my boyfriend still has not cleared his holiday with the social welfare officers (it fits within the constraints, but he simply needs to go in and figure out some paperwork so that his payments are still deposited so that there's money in the bank when things such as rent are taken out) and he has yet to find his brother a place to stay. Despite his assurances that he's coming "no matter what," I would feel better if everything were already sorted on his end. I'm in control of what happens on mine and when, so I'm antsy that he's leaving these things to the last minute.

On top of that, I'm nervous as all get out about seeing him again! Is that strange? We haven't seen each other since I left in September, and yet it feels so much longer. :/ I'm terribly excited because this is an additional visit and we're seeing each other three months earlier than planned originally, but so much has happened in the past six or so months that I'm worried about how we'll get on. I'm worried that we'll argue/be at each other's throats the whole time even if we didn't argue when I was over but for once (my fault because I missed a pill, and missing that particular medication used to cause me to turn into a "monster" even my mother couldn't handle), even if we haven't "properly" argued in ages, even if our communication has improved since his life has settled down/stabilised out somewhat. I'm worried that it won't be special enough, especially since we'll be celebrating our one year, even if he assures me he bets it'll be perfect. I'm worried that he's not going to like America or the area I live in. I'm worried he'll make a judgment on a two week stay. I'm worried we won't get everything fit in. I'm worried he won't like my family, or that there will be drama I don't want him (or I) to have to deal with, even though they love him from what they know of him (we've all been on Skype before). I'm worried that he won't get along with my pets. I'm so anxious and nervous because this is his first time in my world, meeting my family and furkids and seeing what I love about where I live.

But at the same time, I am so dreadfully excited. 19 days is so, so close yet so far away. I go to sleep and I can almost feel his presence. Walking around campus, I imagine him walking with me (he'll be here during finals week). I even imagine him sitting next to me on the bus and him actually getting to live out what we've joked about since before we got together; I used to take a late-night bus and have to deal with the people on the late-night bus and so we got into a habit of him being online with me while I rode it/joking that he was protecting me. I can't wait to hold him again and kiss him again and share both the little things and the big things. I can't wait to be around him, simply sit with his presence, and of course there are the more... adult luxuries I'm looking forward to. And we get to book my summer tickets together. I'm excited for that too!

I'm still trying to shake the worry he'll dump me after, because it's "too hard," like my ex did, even though that wasn't my ex's real reason. I know he's not my ex. I know he loves me. I know he's as committed to making this work as I am, but I'm still nervous, especially since I know his grief/sensitivity to loss is likely going to make our goodbye even harder... But it will only be three months from the end of his two week stay until I fly out to see him. That's not that long. We did half a year between September and now; we can handle three months.

But all of this, I'm guessing, is relatively normal. It seems commonplace that people experience nerves and butterflies even after several visits! But does anyone have any tips for calming my nerves? For making the time pass by faster or at least a little bit easier? He arrives late Saturday on the 17th, at 7:20pm, and being an early bird, I know there are going to be issues passing time and sitting still then. But surely there's something I can do in the meantime so that I'm not so bouncy and anxious with anticipation?

[mllebamako]

Don't worry! I used to get SOOO nervous before visits too. I think it's totally normal. But also, don't let yourself put too much pressure on the visit. Accept now that certain things might come up: an imperfect evening, a family drama, an argument, etc, etc. Because this visit is a part of real life, it isn't a magical 2 week period where everything is perfect. So try not to put too much pressure on yourself because it'll just stress you out and make things more tense.
You two have been through a lot so don't doubt that he'll keep strong and keep fighting for the one he loves.

You sound like you have some things to do in the next few weeks so hopefully time will pass by quickly. I am a fan of making crafts and fun things to pass the time. When I used to be passing time before a visit, I would make him little gifts (origami, poems, etc) and I also always made a countdown calendar to hang on the wall.

Only 19 days!!

[Dziubka]

Our first visit was only a month after we had become long distance... and god, I was still SO SO SO nervous.
I was so happy and nervous at the same time - smiling and wanting to throw up a second later.
Haha.
I still get nervous before visits sometimes (not to the point of getting sick, though), after two years and 20+ visits. It's ok to nervous.

It's 19 days for me, too. We can be nervous together and calm down each other

[Kiyama]

I think it's normal to be a bit nervous but try not to blow this out of proportion. I can totally understand that you want to make it special but I really think the best way is to be relaxed about it and ready to accept that not everything might be running smoothly. It's ok if it's not perfect even though I'm sure it will be perfect in its own way.
If you take this pressure of yourself (even though I understand it), you'll be able to calm down and the trip will be all the more enjoyable for you both.
Try and keep yourself busy until he arrives. That's what I did and the time went by quickly, even though not quickly enough but I guess that's something one cannot help

[lucybelle]

Shoot the first time my SO visited me I thought I was going to vomit while driving to the airport!

You'll be fine

[AJD+JLH]

I share so many of the feelings you explained when I have a visit upcoming with my SO. Also, what you mentioned about him arriving at night and you being an early bird...I hear ya, girl. I just am so anixous, bouncy, crazy excited and awfully nervous all day until he arrives in the evening.

One thing I try to do is have activities planned for the day he will be arriving. I get all ready (clean house, hair appointment, you know, the whole 9). The whole week upcoming before his visit. I also spread those things out over that week, so that I don't have any crazy busy days right before he arrives (being busy is a big trigger for me to have a panic attack, so I make sure the week before a visit I am not too busy).

Then, the day of, I am all ready and I can get out of the house, walk my dog at a great park that's about a half hour from where I live, etc. For me, it makes everything even more nerve wracking if I sit in the house all day and just wait for him to arrive. Also, I'll call friends on the phone or call my mom and dad. Homework keeps me busy the day of, too, and is a good way to put all my nervous energy to good use. I always find some last minute things I need to do as well (clean my closet, get my nails done, last load of laundry). It helps me feel calm if I feel all organized and prepared.

I also spend a lot of time before he comes working ahead on my school work and work-work. That way, while he is here, I feel I have freed up as much time as possible to be with him.

I guess those are my best tips! But just know you aren't alone. I feel a lot of the things you described when I have a visit with my SO upcoming. You guys will be fine. He's not going to do what your ex did, he is going to love your family and your pets (I understand the pet thing, my dog is my child...my absolute love, love her more than my SO. I am pretty obsessed with my dog). But he is going to love your pets. He's going to love what you love about your city, and he's going to love getting to see your environment and live in your life for a little bit. It's going to be great And you're right. The 3 months after his visit will fly by, and for those 3 months you guys will have an even stronger bond because of this visit. Making those 3 months even more bearable!

[Biscous]

My girlfriend last night was talking about how she gets nervous when she sees me. Of course I get a little anxious about seeing her. Seeing if things have changed, but I have to be realistic: I talk to her on a daily basis, we keep in touch all the time. Still very much attracted to each other and have such a complex relationship it is amazing. Why be apprehensive and nervous?

I guess it's a bit natural for some though which I understand. One of the biggest things I think about is sex between us when we first see each other. I remember when we first started the LDR it was weird for about a day or two, but it got better. It got even better when I saw her the following months as well so you shouldn't worry

[Haley53]

@mllebamako -- I think it's because he's been through so much that I'm putting so much pressure on myself. I know you're right, though. It's really helped having him reassure me that simply being with me is going to be perfect and that he wants to see where I live and what I do. He even wants to come to my kickboxing class with me and is excited to see my campus. xD I think it's hard sometimes because he's much more laid back than I am.

I love your idea of crafts though! There are some things I want to do for our one year, artistically speaking, so maybe I'll bury myself in those.

@Dziubka -- Yes! I noticed our countdowns are the same! Only yours is a bit more permanently. I'm so excited for you! I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster you must be going through!

@Kiyama -- I'll try, thank you. I think I need to remember how our first visit went. We literally bickered up until I boarded the second plane (LOL) due to our nerves and the both of us cleared our expectations and put out everything that could possibly go wrong so we'd have a plan (so we were uptight about it, but in a different, not trying to make it perfect way?) and the holiday ended up going much better than expected. We get on well and communicate well. I think I'm simply psyching myself out because of all that we've been through. I'm worried something will have changed, even if the changes that have happened have been for the better.

@lucybelle -- Thank you for the vote of confidence.

@AJD+JLH -- I'm like you are with your dog... but with my cat. I love my dog to bits but she has severe issues with males (she's learning to take food from them but will still snap if they try to approach/pet her) but my cat? My cat is the one whose approval is necessary. I remember with my ex, he loved to lay on my ex's pillow, his clothes, etc. One time my ex scooped him up, put him in front of the door, and pointed out. My cat seriously put his tail up, turned right round, hopped up on my ex's pillow and I swear he was grinning like a madman. Call me crazy but that cat was bitchslapping him. :P He's very possessive over me, tends to hate my attention being on anything but him, and I love that cat more than anything, probably more than is healthy, so I'm nervous to see how they interact.

Neither him nor I are really plans people. I mean, there's somewhere I want to take him 40 minutes from here and I want to take him to San Francisco, so those will be where we plan loose activities, but the way we work is generally waking up in the morning and seeing how we feel. The first few days I was at his, though, we literally did not leave the bed, LOL. He left it to bring food up that his mother made. Other than that, we were basically either having fun (xD) or cuddling and watching TV/movies. We won't have that same luxury, because he'll be here during finals week, but Sunday will probably be spent snuggling/sleeping in (since we won't be home until around 10 my time, we'll probably be up later, lol, and he'll be jetlagged) and then we're going to go to the cinema to see The Lorax. Because it's finals week, doing most of my work ahead of time is a good idea though! A good way to keep busy!

@Biscous -- Strangely, neither of us are too worried about sex. xD I do agree, though. It's good to keep things in perspective. I need to do more of that.

[Kristin91]

I'm still nervous when I go see my SO, and I see him on a pretty regular basis. I think part of it is because I'm so used to being LD all the time, I forget what it's like to be CD for a little while, and I start to freak out. It helps me when I think of how perfect we are together and how much he loves me

[AJD+JLH]

@Eclaire

I love my dog way more than is healthy. Rest assured, it's totes OK to be obsessed with your cat. I am beyond obsessed with my dog. My dog gets mad when my SO visits, and very happy when he leaves. She loves having all of her mommy's attention xD Thankfully, Jare loves Freck, even if Freck hates Jare. So it all works out! Haha. We loves our pets and if that makes us weird, it's OK by me!