Eesh! I see my SO in 19 days and I am a mess.
I'm stressed out because of all that I have to get done. I have to coordinate with my mother when a plumber can come out and fix the clog in my shower (note to self: wash the dog outside from now on), I have to get my room cleaned, we have to clean the house, I'd like to set up another DMV appointment to hopefully try and obtain my license, I still have to set up a hair and facial appointment... Gah! And this is in the midst of having a weekend conference to attend 2 March - 3 March, my sister's birthday on 7 March that will likely end up pushed to the weekend, and having exams and papers to study for and write for school on top of work. In addition, my boyfriend still has not cleared his holiday with the social welfare officers (it fits within the constraints, but he simply needs to go in and figure out some paperwork so that his payments are still deposited so that there's money in the bank when things such as rent are taken out) and he has yet to find his brother a place to stay. Despite his assurances that he's coming "no matter what," I would feel better if everything were already sorted on his end. I'm in control of what happens on mine and when, so I'm antsy that he's leaving these things to the last minute.
On top of that, I'm nervous as all get out about seeing him again! Is that strange? We haven't seen each other since I left in September, and yet it feels so much longer. :/ I'm terribly excited because this is an additional visit and we're seeing each other three months earlier than planned originally, but so much has happened in the past six or so months that I'm worried about how we'll get on. I'm worried that we'll argue/be at each other's throats the whole time even if we didn't argue when I was over but for once (my fault because I missed a pill, and missing that particular medication used to cause me to turn into a "monster" even my mother couldn't handle), even if we haven't "properly" argued in ages, even if our communication has improved since his life has settled down/stabilised out somewhat. I'm worried that it won't be special enough, especially since we'll be celebrating our one year, even if he assures me he bets it'll be perfect. I'm worried that he's not going to like America or the area I live in. I'm worried he'll make a judgment on a two week stay. I'm worried we won't get everything fit in. I'm worried he won't like my family, or that there will be drama I don't want him (or I) to have to deal with, even though they love him from what they know of him (we've all been on Skype before). I'm worried that he won't get along with my pets. I'm so anxious and nervous because this is his first time in my world, meeting my family and furkids and seeing what I love about where I live.
But at the same time, I am so dreadfully excited. 19 days is so, so close yet so far away. I go to sleep and I can almost feel his presence. Walking around campus, I imagine him walking with me (he'll be here during finals week). I even imagine him sitting next to me on the bus and him actually getting to live out what we've joked about since before we got together; I used to take a late-night bus and have to deal with the people on the late-night bus and so we got into a habit of him being online with me while I rode it/joking that he was protecting me. I can't wait to hold him again and kiss him again and share both the little things and the big things. I can't wait to be around him, simply sit with his presence, and of course there are the more... adult luxuries I'm looking forward to. And we get to book my summer tickets together. I'm excited for that too!
I'm still trying to shake the worry he'll dump me after, because it's "too hard," like my ex did, even though that wasn't my ex's real reason. I know he's not my ex. I know he loves me. I know he's as committed to making this work as I am, but I'm still nervous, especially since I know his grief/sensitivity to loss is likely going to make our goodbye even harder... But it will only be three months from the end of his two week stay until I fly out to see him. That's not that long. We did half a year between September and now; we can handle three months.
But all of this, I'm guessing, is relatively normal. It seems commonplace that people experience nerves and butterflies even after several visits! But does anyone have any tips for calming my nerves? For making the time pass by faster or at least a little bit easier? He arrives late Saturday on the 17th, at 7:20pm, and being an early bird, I know there are going to be issues passing time and sitting still then. But surely there's something I can do in the meantime so that I'm not so bouncy and anxious with anticipation?
I'm stressed out because of all that I have to get done. I have to coordinate with my mother when a plumber can come out and fix the clog in my shower (note to self: wash the dog outside from now on), I have to get my room cleaned, we have to clean the house, I'd like to set up another DMV appointment to hopefully try and obtain my license, I still have to set up a hair and facial appointment... Gah! And this is in the midst of having a weekend conference to attend 2 March - 3 March, my sister's birthday on 7 March that will likely end up pushed to the weekend, and having exams and papers to study for and write for school on top of work. In addition, my boyfriend still has not cleared his holiday with the social welfare officers (it fits within the constraints, but he simply needs to go in and figure out some paperwork so that his payments are still deposited so that there's money in the bank when things such as rent are taken out) and he has yet to find his brother a place to stay. Despite his assurances that he's coming "no matter what," I would feel better if everything were already sorted on his end. I'm in control of what happens on mine and when, so I'm antsy that he's leaving these things to the last minute.
On top of that, I'm nervous as all get out about seeing him again! Is that strange? We haven't seen each other since I left in September, and yet it feels so much longer. :/ I'm terribly excited because this is an additional visit and we're seeing each other three months earlier than planned originally, but so much has happened in the past six or so months that I'm worried about how we'll get on. I'm worried that we'll argue/be at each other's throats the whole time even if we didn't argue when I was over but for once (my fault because I missed a pill, and missing that particular medication used to cause me to turn into a "monster" even my mother couldn't handle), even if we haven't "properly" argued in ages, even if our communication has improved since his life has settled down/stabilised out somewhat. I'm worried that it won't be special enough, especially since we'll be celebrating our one year, even if he assures me he bets it'll be perfect. I'm worried that he's not going to like America or the area I live in. I'm worried he'll make a judgment on a two week stay. I'm worried we won't get everything fit in. I'm worried he won't like my family, or that there will be drama I don't want him (or I) to have to deal with, even though they love him from what they know of him (we've all been on Skype before). I'm worried that he won't get along with my pets. I'm so anxious and nervous because this is his first time in my world, meeting my family and furkids and seeing what I love about where I live.
But at the same time, I am so dreadfully excited. 19 days is so, so close yet so far away. I go to sleep and I can almost feel his presence. Walking around campus, I imagine him walking with me (he'll be here during finals week). I even imagine him sitting next to me on the bus and him actually getting to live out what we've joked about since before we got together; I used to take a late-night bus and have to deal with the people on the late-night bus and so we got into a habit of him being online with me while I rode it/joking that he was protecting me. I can't wait to hold him again and kiss him again and share both the little things and the big things. I can't wait to be around him, simply sit with his presence, and of course there are the more... adult luxuries I'm looking forward to. And we get to book my summer tickets together. I'm excited for that too!
I'm still trying to shake the worry he'll dump me after, because it's "too hard," like my ex did, even though that wasn't my ex's real reason. I know he's not my ex. I know he loves me. I know he's as committed to making this work as I am, but I'm still nervous, especially since I know his grief/sensitivity to loss is likely going to make our goodbye even harder... But it will only be three months from the end of his two week stay until I fly out to see him. That's not that long. We did half a year between September and now; we can handle three months.
But all of this, I'm guessing, is relatively normal. It seems commonplace that people experience nerves and butterflies even after several visits! But does anyone have any tips for calming my nerves? For making the time pass by faster or at least a little bit easier? He arrives late Saturday on the 17th, at 7:20pm, and being an early bird, I know there are going to be issues passing time and sitting still then. But surely there's something I can do in the meantime so that I'm not so bouncy and anxious with anticipation?
Comment