How long till you close the distance

[Lizzie2579]

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, he is Turkish, I am English, things were really complicated when we first met, I was with someone and I wasn't sure I wanted a long distance relationship. My previous relationship broke down and I couldn't stop thinking about my now boyfriend so I ended up going back to visit him in Turkey and completely fell in love with him. He is the most respectful, gentlemanly, considerate guy I have ever met. I have since met most of his family and stayed in their home in Istanbul, they were lovely and made me feel so at home. In December he joined the Turkish army (national service) for 5 months, he will finish in May and I plan to go and see him. Everything is going surprisingly well, we speak on the phone 2 or 3 times a week and talk on skype most weekends for 2 hours sometimes nearer 4 hours which is amazing.
We have been talking more and more about closing the distance. Through our talks we have decided that it makes most sense for him to try moving here as he speaks good english, is very clever, has a degree and has contacts over here. I speak no turkish, have no degree and stand out like a sore thumb in istanbul (im blonde with blue eyes)!!
The problem is he wants to get a good job back in istanbul when he finishes the army. We have plans for him to come to england for a holiday hopefully in june/july if we can get him a visa (so much paperwork) then when he goes back home he plans to get a 'proper' job possibly in orthopedics. So, I'm left wondering when we will actually close the distance. I know he really wants to and our original plan was for him to work for 1/2 years and save in istanbul and me to do the same in england and then for him to come here on a student visa on a 6 month trial, if he likes it and we can find him a job then we would extend his visa or possibly think about marriage.
Recently I have been worrying about when all this will happen and panicking that I cant handle another 2 years of long distance. We are trying to be so sensible and do things properly, no just get married so he can live here easily and quickly, I want to marry for love not for a visa!
I guess what I'm asking is how does everyone else cope with long distance for so long, how do you plan on closing the distance when there are visas involved? When do you make that decision to close the distance?
Sorry for such a long post, I find it helps to know a little background on people when trying to offer advice!!
Thanks in advance!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm a very lucky girl. My SO is planning to move here in September, and finish his uni course here. He's applied to a few places, he had interviews while he was here, and we're both pretty sure it's going to work out. He also has British citizenship, so we don't have any visa worries (it also means that while he's in education, he gets flights aus-eng free, because they moved for his dad's work). He also has grandparents, uncles and aunts from both sides of his family living here, so he's got a pretty solid foundation. There'll still be a bit of distance, because he won't be coming to my uni, but from 24 hours away on a plane, to 3 hours by train is a massive relief.
So I'm in the same boat as you really. In order to live there, I need a degree, which I'm in the middle of, a visa, which would probably need to be marriage, and a lot of money for plane tickets home... It makes a lot more sense for him to come here.
Yeah, I know how incredibly lucky I am that this will be reasonably easy for both of us, and not put any pressure on our relationship by needing to live together and get married while both trying to finish school and work and whatever.
We pretty much decided this when we started getting serious about dating each other. It wasnt an option to break up, so the only other option was to work towards being together. If he hadn't been so willing and it wasnt so easy to move, chances are, we wouldn't be together, really. Neither of us wanted to commit to a relationship where we couldn't make any progress within the next five years or so, and I wouldn't be able to afford visits, and he wouldn't be able to get the time off work. Our relationship has depended upon this, and I don't know what'll happen if our plans fall through.
I think if you and your SO are serious about being together, you should try and make it work. A lot can happen in the next 2 years. If you're both willing to wait for what you want, and you think it's worth it, go for it. And good luck, and best wishes. We're all here, hoping that we can close the distance asap, wanting to be with our SOs, and I bet that the majority of people here wouldn't be in an LDR if they didn't believe that their relationship was worth waiting for. I can't imagine how hard it is for those of you who have to wait for visas, school, or sometimes marriage. I have serious respect for that kind of commitment.

[Lizzie2579]

Yes you are a very lucky girl! Thats great you can close the distance so soon! And it sounds like things are really working out. I hope somehow something happens (like I win the lottery!) so we can close the distance sooner. It feels like you overcome something really hard, like 6 months apart and then its just onto the next thing! I guess thats what happens in ldr's though!

[princessmeg1328]

Like you, my SO and I need a visa in order to move to either of the other's country. I'm in the US, and he's in the UK. We decided it would be better for me since I have a degree in a subject that can go pretty much anywhere and I don't have any real ties here (besides family). Right now, we're working on me finding a job in England in order to close the distance. If I get the position that I'm applying for now, we could close the distance for good as soon as May. We are getting married next year though so that will help with visas as well. I don't think we ever sat down and had a we want to close the distance at a certain time. We had discussed who would move, but that's it. We were already engaged before we really started looking at possible positions for me to apply for.
As for getting through the distance, we just take it one day at a time. For us, looking at it as one day is a lot easier than looking at it as a year or more.
I hope I said something that helps.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Yes you are a very lucky girl! Thats great you can close the distance so soon! And it sounds like things are really working out. I hope somehow something happens (like I win the lottery!) so we can close the distance sooner. It feels like you overcome something really hard, like 6 months apart and then its just onto the next thing! I guess thats what happens in ldr's though!

Hahaha. I often think that if I ever win the lottery, I'd like to come here and do a draw for someone to have free travel to visit their SO. Or if I make lots of money on a new invention, or SO suddenly becomes a rockstar. I think I've become a massive sucker for LDR love stories since being in one myself.

[Lizzie2579]

Me too! I agree, I love hearing stories that work out, and success stories! I hope everything works out for you! Sounds like you have everything planned! Good luck!

[Malaga]

We've not made a specific plan yet but from the conversations we've had, it's between one and two years. I'm applying for a Masters course and if I get accepted, we'll have to wait for another two years. I won't know before May. If I don't get accepted we might as well bite the bullet and do it next year. We also live in different countries so I expect the visa process to be an expensive, complicated process, but we'll deal with that when we get to it.

[ChibiFelicia]

Im in the same position as princessmeg. Im from the uk and SO is from the US. We had the conversation on where this relationship was going a long time ago. We decided that i would move to him since most of my family dont live here anymore and i also have better job prospects. I got a degree in psych and a nursing degree (well come july i will anyway). I know i'll need to get the NCLEX before i can work there but its better than him trying to find physiotherapy jobs here. Problem for us is the visa. Initially i wanted to get a work visa but for nursing that will take too long. So its a fiance or marriage visa. I also worried about the fact that we werent getting married for the right reasons but im over that now : )

Soo how long till we close the distance? prob another 2 years. We've been ld for over 2 and a half years. Its hard but since we both want to be together we're good. We can last it.

[Kiyama]

For us it depends. I'm in Germany and my SO is in the US. I'm a teaching trainee and won't finish until July 2013. That's our definite final goal for closing the distance. We are both willing to move and he'll apply for jobs in Germany (hopefully reasonably close to where I live) next fall. If he finds something great, he'll move here. But of course there needs to be an opening. If that doesn't work out at all I'd move to the US after my training but we'd need to sort out visas and all that till then. So a (more or less) concrete date is there but the how's are uncertain.
A long time to go...

[Bethypoo]

As it stands right now, the distance will be closed at the end of March. As in this march. We will be living together before he goes of to basic training for the navy

but hey, ill take what i can get.

[Dziubka]

My bofriend and I have been together for more than two years and we're closing the distance temporarily in March. In October, we'll go back to being long distance.
We're from different countries, but both are in th EU, so we don't have any visa problems. Languages do make closing the distance a bit more complicated, though.

We're going to close the distance for good when we're both done with school, so in about two years. By then we'll have been LDR for 3,5 month (with a few months close distance in the beginning and half a year in the middle).

I really, really don't like being long distance, but I love my boyfriend. I'd rather be in a long distance relationship with him than in no relationship or with someone else who lives closer. He makes me so happy, even from 1000km away.
It's better to stay long distance a bit longer and figure out a good plan to close the distance, so that you'll both be happy with it, than rush into something that might leave one of you resentful. You're long distance now because you're working towards living happy ever after together. As much as I hate being long distance, knowing that we're setting the foundations to our happy family makes it bearable.

[nicole]

My SO and I are another US-UK couple. We're closing the distance tomorrow!

At first, I had the intention of closing the distance on a student visa, however part way through my final year of my bachelor's, I decided a PhD was not for me, and I was just too miserable in education. We then made the decision that as we were unofficially engaged anyway, we'd file for a fiance visa once I had graduated from Uni. It meant waiting a whole extra year, but we've come out a much stronger couple by the end of it all. We also decided it would be me moving as he is in a very well-payed, steady job, whilst I'm fresh out of Uni and could go pretty much anywhere. It's hard leaving my family, but I think I will have a much better life over there with more opportunities.

[WakeUpSusie]

It took us slightly less than 4 years to close the distance permanently. We were on again/off again LD when I was away at school, but together on breaks.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Our game plan is that I will be the one moving. We are in the same state, but 360 miles apart, so it is a lot easier than the international move. The initial plan was that I would get my bachelor's and then transfer up there in September 2014. He is in a 5 year program, so he should be graduating in May of 2015. I would transfer there and complete a one-year certificate in ultrasound at his school. But, due to some financial and academic troubles at my college, I transferred to a community college this semester and will be getting my associate's next May. So, I will transfer to his school a year sooner than expected, so in about a year and a half. We are looking at September 2013 being the year! I sure hope this goes to plan because I cannot stand being apart from him. It really sucks, and he isn't exactly the best communicator all of the time. But, I am so glad we are together and do get to see each other every month to month and a half or so.

[Pixel]

Our move will involve a visa of some kind as well. I live in Canada and he in the US. Honestly, we haven't really figured much out yet. Realistically it will be a few years before one of us can move. We're both in school right now and he's talked about trying to come to school here instead but as an international student it will be so much more expensive... so if he stays there it'll be like 3 years (I think?) until he finishes...and then we'd have to go through the whole visa process will take probably another year if not more? Sometimes it's so frustrating knowing it's an invisible line that's making it so much more complicated to be together, stupid border.