The Friends of your SO

[Ivy]

I'm in a current "irritation" period right now and I really feel like saying what's on my mind. I want to ask you guys -> Should I tell my SO that his friends seem like bad for him and I really don't like the fact that they don't call him for anything else than favors and stuff, and he is going to them like... all the time.I Already told him my opinion of them ( it's not THAT bad really) but I haven't told him what I really think about him & them. I know, it's between him and & them.... but I am his girlfriend right? Am I not the person who can tell him when something is not right or even give him something to think about? Hm....
I don't want to mess in his personal relationships with people, I just don't want him to end up hurt and disappointed ( as he seemed many times until now), he just continues to call them, go to their workplaces and all ... I just have been there.... and I know what is it like to care for your friends and try to be the one that has interest in your friends and their lives but nothing really back in return. I just don' get it.

P.s. - 2 days ago he came home and started talking endlessly without me even talking for 5 minutes how he thinks they've become shallow, selfish, and all kinds of things like that. How he feels they are not his friends anymore. I was listening for 2 hours. And I finally though he has this in his mind, so now he will just protect himself and his feelings. But seems not. He just text me that on his way to store he just will go visit one of the guys .... and all I hear about this one is "oh he is so self absorbed and all he does is party" ..... so...... what are you doing there??????????? OK - missing your friends. but why be friends with people like that????? Am I not understanding?

[Malaga]

Hey Ivy!

I think it's tricky, that one. You want the best for him and if you think someone is using him, it's normal you feel you should tell him. But friendships are hard to give up on, and especially if they're all part of the same social circle, you know, the wolfpack. You're either a part of it or you're out of it. Especially if they've known each other since childhood. He may vent about their faults, but that doesn't necessarily mean he dislikes them. You only know certain aspects of their friendships anyway, probably the bits he tells you about.
If they're not seriously using him or being evil to him or you, or damaging your relationship, I don't think you're going to accomplish anything by telling him he didn't need them. It is considered meddling - "I don't think your friends are good enough for you" - sounds textbook manipulative. It is hard to resist because you're genuinely caring. I know as I'm in a similar situation. But unless there is actual damage or he explicitely tells you he'd like to change friends, I don't think you should interfere. Accept them as you would want to be accepted by them.

Good luck! xx

[fitfilipina]

I would say that I'm pretty good friends with my SO's friends that were exclusively his and not a part of the mutual friend group we had when we met. His friends are his first priority, while mine are my family (huge, close, LOUD family!) so I'm constantly meeting his friends, while it really isn't the other way I around. For the most part, they're very nice people...albeit not the usual group of people I would hang out with (no offense...they're just kind of unintelligent party types, which I don't like).

There's only two people among his friend group that I don't like -- a female on-again off-again friend that was once a childhood best friend and middle school girlfriend. She just rubs me the wrong way completely, feels the need to prod into our relationship, and acts two-faced around myself and my SO. It's okay though, she lives a state away now. The other is a "friend" of his (he's a nice guy and can't say no, unfortunately) that has been obsessed with him -- no exaggeration -- since their Sophomore year of high school. She basically wanted to kill me when we got together, but she was hoping that one day he would turn around and love her back. Ouch.

[enemey96]

I know most of my SO's friends because we went to the same school, until I moved away. Two of them were my best friends during Primary School, and one of them is my ex. So I know most of his friends quite well And his best friend and I get on quite well, which is good in my opinion. And I have met the rest of my SO's friends because we were invited to the cinema with them when I was over one time, even though only one of them talked to me, which sucked because he wasn't even one of the guys I was best friends with! Tbh, I'd never spoken to him before then, but he was really friendly anyways

There is only one of my SO's friends who I really don't like, like many of you it's a she. She's the only girl in my SO's group of friends and the only person who I don't get along with. She's so big headed and thinks it's funny to lie to my SO and I but my SO still seems to be friends with her :/